Malapropisms

Yes again a mum, my mum sitting in the garden watching the clouds said ‘aren't clouds lovely they re very perathupic’

Not quite a Malaprop but mum could never remember the name of Hobbycraft and called it the Make do and Mend shop

My neighbour had Panasonic views from her hotel room.

The postman told me his mum had taken a connery.
My friend wanted to send her daughter to a posh Catholic school like Stella Artois.

When I was a child I used to love the William books by Richmal Crompton and, being somewhat dyslexic, I thought Violet Elizabeth was called Violent Elizabeth.

Oh too many!
Just today I have seen somebody who presumably wants to empathise, say emphasise
My late mother (in her defence English was not her first language) never got subtle/supple right.
Often she was closer to the truth than she knew!

Two examples spring to mind: when my sister in law moved into a bungalow she got rid of a lot of her belongings because she wanted the new look to be “mimalistic”.

My brother in law, describing how his father had lost his temper very badly said “he went absolutely bearsick!”

Someone we once knew, a highly respectable churchgoing lady, told my mother, 'There I was, just minding my own business, quietly slaughtering down the street....'

Duodenal ulster.

My lovely great aunt once referred to my brother as being an illegible young bachelor.

My MIL had (whisper) "everything taken away" when she had her 'histerical money'

Sadgrandma

My late Mum, bless her, once told me that she’d been to see a lovely film ‘Lawrence of Olivier’
Any other examples?

Sorry made me laugh 😂

I asked a lovely lady if her family was well.

"Yes, thank you, except for our Richard... he's got an athletic foot."

My friend looking at a chuceiling declared that she didn’t like it as much as the cathedral because there were no “ fiascos” on the ceiling!
Also earthquakes happen when “Teutonic plates move”
Describing a friend as “ a very articulated lady”

Church ceiling

RosieandherMaw

Oh too many!
Just today I have seen somebody who presumably wants to empathise, say emphasise
My late mother (in her defence English was not her first language) never got subtle/supple right.
Often she was closer to the truth than she knew!

Oooops that might have been me! Just a typo though on my part, like all the others o often do!

Just checked! Yup, it was me! Thanks RosieandherMaw[

My friend, who has several children, went to the doctor with a certain problem. She swears the doctor said it was virginitis. Her husband apparently also suffers with something called prostrate cancer.

Very elderly aunt bought a new warped iron table (wrought iron) and regularly dusted her skirping boards (skirting)

My friend's young son had a lovely holiday in Super Weston Mare. We still chuckle to this day when Weston-super-Mare is mentioned.

My mother always confused lesbian and Lebanese with ridiculous results.

Elderly lady told me she needed to get a new (underarm) DERODENT...

Visions of mice and rats scuttling around her armpits!

My daughter in law said she had enrolled her 6 year old son in a class to learn judo and other marital arts.

An old neighbour whispered that she was suffering from painful asteroids.