Do you have an adult child who you are more relaxed with?

GrandMattie, I am so sorry that happened to you. It is surely the hardest type of loss.
I can honestly say I am equally at ease with my son and my daughter. They are both more laid back than me and very tolerant of others, so I think that is very much thanks to them.

I get on swimmingly with my youngest daughter & her family. We holiday together, do things together and live 5 minutes apart.
Middle daughter lives in Oz. We all get on swimmingly too despite the distance and her husband is a saint when I stay for 6 weeks (but I do iron his shirts beautifully ⭐️).
Eldest daughter is different. She has always been insular and tended towards jealousy of her sisters, even now they are adult. We get on very well when her husband is not present and her teenagers are a delight. She is a different person as soon as he is on the scene. He is definitely the catalyst for the discomfort we all (including the rest of the family) feel. Very sad but so long as she is happy with him then so am I, but I’m not sure she is. 😢

I relate to my children differently because they are both very different people. As well as their different personalities. one is married with children, the other is single and childless by choice.

But different doesn't mean that I am more relaxed with one than the other. I feel that they both represent different sides of my own personality so I am as easy with one as the other.