Unexpected Retirement

MadeInYorkshire

I was ‘retired’ by losing my health in my mid 40’s and little by little my life began to shrink. My friends grew distant as the years went by - I suppose I became very boring, as when you do nothing, what do you have to talk about other than the next lot of surgery and what it was doing to my health?

Then I was locked down for 18 months due to me being Clinically Extremely Vulnerable. This made me quite agoraphobic by the end, and then my daughter committed suicide … People began to come out of the woodwork and for a brief while, despite the grief it was nice to be able to talk to people again, but they’ve all drifted off again, although next Monday, the 3rd anniversary of her death, it’ll get a bit busier again!

The most crushing thing about it is no longer having a purpose which I hate. This time last year though I bought a needle felting kit; just a little Jack Russell and found that I could do it! Then it took over my life for 6 months until both my hands started to hurt. My thumbs ended up in splints as bending them was so painful and I haven’t managed to do anything since! I hate my life sadly …

I was made in Yorkshire too...your post makes me very grateful for my life and I really hope that 2026 will bring you some joy ....your life sounds very hard...💐

I too had to readjust quickly and struggled till I found the right voluntary role.
However husband never adjusted as became tetraplegic overnight.
Now he’s gone I keep thinking how lucky I’ve been though I miss him and was no great help to him in his despair..
I’ve made a resolution now to stop panicking and look for opportunities.
None of us should rate ourselves on our ability to earn. Though it’s ingrained in our capitalist culture.
That’s what makes government attacks on disability so awful!

Open Learn is just what it says. There’s the opportunity to explore new subjects and it doesn’t cost anything but your time.

I love retirement. Firstly I did a history degree with the OU before it became very expensive. I’ve been part time caring for grandchildren, visiting family both at home and abroad, learning machine patchwork, enjoying spending time with DH.

I was going to join U3A but haven’t got round to it.

I hope you manage to find interesting new activities.

There is no statutory retirement age. You can work as long as you like. If your employer wants rid of you they have to make you an offer.

I was made redundant before retirement age in January 2020. COVID hit and I just had to relax and had time to think. I decided to downsize and move to a small apartment in a city centre. Best thing I could have done. No money worries, lots of things to enjoy and making new friends. Just enjoy being your own boss and plan what you would like to do for you.

Do a careful check of your company terms. If you are over 55, you are entitled to early retirement terms which often include bumping your pension to work as if you continue to pay in until retirement - this will be well hidden and often not mentioned these days.

I was told I would never get another job by a nasty former boss, and his face was a picture when he found out I already had another!. ( got a new role at 54, 58, a contract at 59 and 60, and a perm job at 61)
If you really want to carry on, then put yourself out there on contract/consultancy, giving your CV a good polish, and network.

But your sums may make it worthwhile to make the change now, while you are still young. Do not forget your tax rebate, or signing on for your NI contributions if nothing else.

You will have plenty to do:
- Make a list of all the things you did not have time for, the people you have been meaning to catch up with, and the places you have wanted to visit and make a schedule with deadlines
- get a good book and your favourite chocs and spend at least 2 weeks curled up with them (both were given to me as a retirement gift by a young colleague on the advice of her own mother), allow a little time to drift because you have worked all your life, but not too long - it can become a habit, I found.
- look around your home and garden, and make a list of your round tuits, and do at least one of them soonish
- keep in touch with your professional circle and offer advice in general, write a paper or 2, or even a book (professional or fiction)
- look at voluntary or charity organisations who might benefit from your expertise, perhaps? Winding down professionally does help the transition
- if you are part of a professional organisation, they are often kept going by retired members, so perhaps stay involved that way?
- did not find the time as DH was still working, but my old boss dusted off her free bus pass and went on day trips exploring her local area.
- could you offer lectures, professional tutoring (I was able to use some of my transferrable skills to apply to a voluntary organisation's advice line (and 9 years later, I still get asked occasionally
- I found that after a while, although I keep in touch with some, my circle has shifted, so think about leisure activities you might like to try
- I became a elections poll clerk prior to retiring and still do it now, but they also ask for counting officers, but that is an all-nighter with a great atmosphere
- I also joined the local college invigilating exams - this gave me a DBS and training in safeguarding aspects, which I used for voluntary work
- put an exercise plan in place, because you will need it
- get a pensions service consultation to go through your options, if you do not know, or need a refresh, checking older possibles through the pension tracing service
- review your wardrobe; I found I had a lot of smart suits and evening wear, but very little tidy daywear, so keep one or 2, but sell the rest

And when you have worked through all of this, and let go a bit, you can join the ranks of the active retired - there is Tangent, your local library volunteers, Trefoil Guild, WI, geurilla gardeners, WVS, library volunteers, schoolreaders, PALS, town and parish councillors (or paid secretary to), or even JP. If you are into sport, there are any number of committees that will welcome you if you are so inclined.

Our area has a "ladies who lunch" group for local businesswomen to meet up; so if you feel like becoming self employed in you chosen profession, this may be a place to look

When I came up to retirement I was worried because so much of my identity was tied up in my job as an academic. I really thought it would be awful. As I left the building the last time I felt a surge of joy and have missed it not one iota. I am so pleased that part of my life is over. I am lucky as I live in a city, I went online onto local sites like 'Nextdoor' and put up some posts suggesting meetings for coffee initially. There was soon a group of like-minded women who enjoy a good laugh, talking about politics and the state of the world and we meet for coffee, museums, art exhibitions, cinema, music etc etc. We don't have a lot of money to splash and meeting on a designated park bench under a beautiful tree with a flask of coffee and having a natter is not expensive. Good luck with retirement! Whereabouts do you live?

Unfortunately I’m like misb, I absolutely hate it. My working life petered out at 71. I worked as a Medical Secretary for the NHS. I felt and still feel I’ve lost my identity. Really missing my salary for travelling, so my world has shrunk beyond recognition! I feel I lead a rather aimless life!

Warmglovesandsocks

Unfortunately I’m like misb, I absolutely hate it. My working life petered out at 71. I worked as a Medical Secretary for the NHS. I felt and still feel I’ve lost my identity. Really missing my salary for travelling, so my world has shrunk beyond recognition! I feel I lead a rather aimless life!

You have decades multiple skills that other people need ; you are organised, literate in computers, writing , speech, grammar, expert in face to face/ telephone communication, social skills, handling anxious people.

Either you can volunteer that skillset or sell it, on your own terms. I'd consider short-term PA contracts; perhaps as a travel companion, or local support to overseas visitors to your nearest city.
Or for someone recovering from illness/surgery, who just needs some extra support (simple meals, driver, company)

Really missing my salary for travelling

There are lots of economical ways to travel the world; house sitter, petsitter, house swapper.

Cruise ships carry a lot of lonely needy passengers; and to service them they employ educated sensible people with your skill set to socialise on board or accompany small groups on shore trips.

The best part about being retired is you can have many identities instead of just one.

On Friday, I become the ‘lady who lunch’ when I meet up with my friends.

On Thursday, I am a student learning Arabic virtually from my sisters who live overseas. To be honest, we only study for an hour and then we natter away for hours.

Even Netflix is getting all confused about my identity, thinking I am Korean since I have been binge watching a few Korean period dramas.

I retired at age 60 three years ago, been busy trying to update our house bit by bit. Maybe what you need is a bit of project to get you going.

I dont think I could ever retire in the sense of just pottering around and gardening.

I still run a couple of online shops and do private tutoring at postgraduate level. Working at home means about 30% of my utility bills get written off as business expenses.

friendlygingercat

I dont think I could ever retire in the sense of just pottering around and gardening.

I still run a couple of online shops and do private tutoring at postgraduate level. Working at home means about 30% of my utility bills get written off as business expenses.

But how many people these days do just retire and potter. I find it difficult to think of anyone I know who has die that. Some keep working but on a freelance or part time basis. others have intersts and hobbies they have been longing to be abe to give time to. Others end up in caring roles, even though that was no what was intended.

But just stop and potter, perhaps for a month or two, but not more. I was at univeristy studying for an MA six weeks after I retired. DH only finally turned off all work at 80.

And remember that you don't have to leave anything until Saturday

It took me a couple of years to realise that I no longer have 'weekends' - I have 7 days a week to do things. I rarely visit the shops at weekends now, midweek is much quieter. Except at Christmas of course although even that is quieter than it used to be now so many shop online.

'What's a weekend?' always reminds me of Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey 😅😅

Says who that you have to retire no certainly not... you might be leaving one job but there are many jobs if you don't want to retire simply look for another job before wherever reason that's not possible there's always volunteers needed in this world now very valuable people and that will be your purpose

I retired early at 57 on Ill health grounds, that was 10 years ago and I still feel I don’t have a purpose, I was a professional for over 30 years in a stressful demanding job,I look after my wonderful grandchildren every week and go to a choir once a week but due to chronic pain and limited mobility there is a limit to what I can do I must say I often feel down about everything and feel old, DH has also retired and has his hobbies which involve physical exercise

I sort of semi retired and went part-time, finally retired at 70. While working part-time I volunteered at a local primary school reading with children who were finding reading a challenge.

I didn't just hear them read I chatted about books, my love of reading etc. one day my 18 year old GS saw an old friend from primary school and he said one of his happiest memories of primary was reading with me every week. I'm not a teacher but I had time and was able to spend one to one time with them. So rewarding to not only progressing but enjoying reading.

I have been retired for nearly 30 years. I was paid to go away but knew it was coming so I had planned the financial side of retirement.
During my retirement I have never been bored and find the time flys by.

However in the beginning I had difficulty in replying to the question “what do you do” I finally settled on “nothing” and let people draw their own conclusions.
The second thing was giving myself permission to do nothing. It was extremely difficult to cope with not rushing around. Finally I did give myself permission. It was OK to just sit and read, watch TV or just look out of the window.
It took a couple of years but I finally found my place again in the world.
I am busy, busy, busy but sometimes I am busy doing “nothing”

I retired at 62 , three years earlier than I’d planned because RA flared so badly I couldn’t work. I was lucky, I was approved for biological treatments that helped hugely.

I did a day a week working to use the skills I had. I volunteered with a specific breed dog charity. Grandchildren arrived and we did a day a week child care for six years.

These were unexpectedly happy years. We enjoyed the occasional city break, the garden, lots of walking locally, time with friends, a slower pace of life was fun, my husbands sudden death three years ago has me reviewing my retired life. I’m older, lower energy levels and grief doesn’t simply go away. Life is different in so many ways but I’m beginning to value a quieter life and count my blessings that I’ve a state and work pension, and a bit in the bank so I can pay the gardener

I had a very different experience. I had to retire on medical grounds from a professional job at 43. I had a private pension but did not want to disturb that until I was 65 and I was of course not yet at the age for SWP. It took me many hours with a pain psychologist and probably ten years of my life to accept that I could not return to my work that I was devoted to. I tried to do small bits and pieces but because of my illness I could not focus nor commit to specific times or dates. It’s been 13 years now and I still have small urges to be able to work but know it is not possible. I had to become used to dealing with going from a very good monthly income to living with very low finances in a very short space of time. I fill my hours now with my beautiful grandchildren who luckily live nearby, I try to read and focus on the story, I try to meet friends although my experience when one is ill is that friendship groups become smaller people fall away when one is less able to join in. Not everyone just some. I no longer yearn for my working environment, I am happy not to have the commute, not to have to deal with so many personalities in the office, red tape and some eejits along the way. That olde saying “Health is your wealth” rings true for me and that’s where my focus would be. If you are retiring and still have good health, good physical stamina for walks etc then that would be my starting point - be happy that you have this to start a new chapter in your life - I would take time to consider what to do, read, walk, enjoy having no alarm bells ringing in the morning or evening. Enjoy the release of the pressure that you worked with day in and day out. Take a breathe and enjoy the peace and quiet, you can easily fill it all back up if you choose to by taking up ideas presented by lots of others in these responses. Plan a little travel and set aside goals - not bucket lists - goals that you would like to achieve / experience. Most of all I would just be so happy and glad that I had my health to carry me along after that everything else is a bonus.

Thank you Bussy for such a thoughtful and thankful post.

Bussy
How true.

Here is an article about “doing nothing” when retired
www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/retirement-rest-do-nothing-benefits-90d52ff4?st=rAAkCG&mod=1440&user_id=66c4bff25d78644b3aa95709