Dreading the Countdown to Christmas and the day itself.

Reading this back it sounds rather patronising. I didn't mean it to be.

It's a lovely post.
Thank you.

Well put Magenta particularly as I get older I realise just how many people have a difficult time over the Christmas period and for many it is just a time to be got through.

I’m done. All china sorted. Tablecloths and napkins ready to be ironed on Wednesday. Just need to borrow four pudding bowls from DD.

It’s a lovely post Magenta. Like you I’ve had very difficult times at Christmas. Now I’m lucky enough to be spending Christmas with my small family but I still have very mixed emotions and often find myself tearing up at this time of year. If it’s a time to be got through for you I hope it goes as well as it can and that maybe it helps a bit to know that we lucky ones know just how lucky we are.

I'm almost sorted. I've pared down all exchange of gifts to money for grand nephew and nieces and our DCs so have just ordered gifts from my 2 GDs vast Christmas lists to be delivered.
Christmas tree is up and I'll just use cards to brighten the mantelpieces.
My DS is buying for and cooking our Christmas meal so DH and I will wander through the supermarket shortly and pick out some cheeses we like to eat in the evening once we're on our own again.
I used to be like a mad woman, making lists, cooking and freezing ahead in preparation for a mammoth meal for lots of relatives, decorating the house inside and out, wandering the High St looking for suitable presents then wrapping, never sitting down on Christmas Day as I was preparing for the next meal or serving drinks and making sure everyone had what they wanted. Now it's bliss with just five of us, and three will depart late afternoon.

I echo your sentiments Magenta.

I was with a friend yesterday whose H died suddenly on December 23rd three years ago, she still talks constantly about him and I came home to the sad news that a dear neighbour had died, again, unexpectedly yesterday morning.
She was a lovely, kind caring woman, devoted to her family and her Church.

For others with different circumstances for whom this Christmas will be difficult I send my very kindest thoughts .

I also hope that all who can will have a lovely time and enjoy every minute, we have all done that in our own time.

Yes Christmas used to be hell for me when my mother was alive.

She would dominate it if she was with me which was most years and spoil it if she wasn’t.

It is bliss now to have a Christmas without contention.

I don’t have to second guess her ridiculous demands or listen to her telling me how admired she was and having to drag the children to Mass on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

As we would tuck into the turkey I had cooked she would wax lyrical about how her mother always cooked a turkey, goose and ham.

One year I made my own crackers and put little gifts in, she got a lipstick and a silk scarf…..she spent the whole meal banging on how the lipstick had red tones and she never would wear such a lipstick, my MIL offered to swap as hers was more peach but no…..she would stick to the awful red one as the that is what I had chosen for her.

Every year she would then say “I hope you haven’t tried to make your own crackers again”.

This year will be calm and happy.

I pray our children would never speak about me in such a way!

Rant over.

Sago, are you and I sisters?
We certainly had the same mother.
Christmas became tolerable only after she was unable to come.

Yes indeed. It's a very difficult time for some. Sending all good wishes.

I would give my right arm to have a Christmas with my lovely Mum again. I miss her every day 😢
💐💐 for anyone feeling a loss

Sago

Yes Christmas used to be hell for me when my mother was alive.

She would dominate it if she was with me which was most years and spoil it if she wasn’t.

It is bliss now to have a Christmas without contention.

I don’t have to second guess her ridiculous demands or listen to her telling me how admired she was and having to drag the children to Mass on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

As we would tuck into the turkey I had cooked she would wax lyrical about how her mother always cooked a turkey, goose and ham.

One year I made my own crackers and put little gifts in, she got a lipstick and a silk scarf…..she spent the whole meal banging on how the lipstick had red tones and she never would wear such a lipstick, my MIL offered to swap as hers was more peach but no…..she would stick to the awful red one as the that is what I had chosen for her.

Every year she would then say “I hope you haven’t tried to make your own crackers again”.

This year will be calm and happy.

I pray our children would never speak about me in such a way!

Rant over.

Your mother sounds rather like my MIL who could always be relied on to ruin everyone's Christmas. It started when you asked her what she wanted for Christmas. She would give you a list of what she didn't want which always contained the words don't get me what you did last year and then a moan.

One year I bought her a lovely Dartington Glass jar and I filled it with cottonwool balls. Around the end of February she told me that she'd only just used up all the cottonwool balls and thrown the jar away and that she was so sorry that I was so hard up that all I could afford for her present was cottonwool balls.

Another year she bought me a multi-pack of enormous knickers but when I bought her tights she said she was insulted, her favourite word, that I had bought such an intimate present.

Another rant over.

Not patronising at all. It is a fact that sadly Christmas is an ordeal for a lot of folk, and you were expressing empathy.

We will be with the whole family so I know how lucky we are, even if we will undoubtedly be very tired by the evening as we are both recovering from a particularly nasty virus.

I am rather concerned about Christmas. My eldest son has managed to ruin yet another relationship and is moving into a small flat nearby 6 days before Christmas. None of his siblings will invite him for Christmas dinner, due to either distance, the way he has treated them over the years and the unpredictability in his behaviour. I will be spending Christmas Day with my youngest daughter and her family and when I mentioned going to see my son during the afternoon she was less than impressed with me.
I will go and spend some time with him as he will be alone but Christmas has lost some of its sparkle for me because my children are annoyed with me.

A very kind and thoughtful post Magenta8
Christmas expectations can get out of hand and
we really don’t need to make martyrs of ourselves. I know a few people, family and friends, who go to little trouble and no one thinks any the less of them.
I’m keeping it simple myself.

Magenta8

Sago

Yes Christmas used to be hell for me when my mother was alive.

She would dominate it if she was with me which was most years and spoil it if she wasn’t.

It is bliss now to have a Christmas without contention.

I don’t have to second guess her ridiculous demands or listen to her telling me how admired she was and having to drag the children to Mass on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

As we would tuck into the turkey I had cooked she would wax lyrical about how her mother always cooked a turkey, goose and ham.

One year I made my own crackers and put little gifts in, she got a lipstick and a silk scarf…..she spent the whole meal banging on how the lipstick had red tones and she never would wear such a lipstick, my MIL offered to swap as hers was more peach but no…..she would stick to the awful red one as the that is what I had chosen for her.

Every year she would then say “I hope you haven’t tried to make your own crackers again”.

This year will be calm and happy.

I pray our children would never speak about me in such a way!

Rant over.

Your mother sounds rather like my MIL who could always be relied on to ruin everyone's Christmas. It started when you asked her what she wanted for Christmas. She would give you a list of what she didn't want which always contained the words don't get me what you did last year and then a moan.

One year I bought her a lovely Dartington Glass jar and I filled it with cottonwool balls. Around the end of February she told me that she'd only just used up all the cottonwool balls and thrown the jar away and that she was so sorry that I was so hard up that all I could afford for her present was cottonwool balls.

Another year she bought me a multi-pack of enormous knickers but when I bought her tights she said she was insulted, her favourite word, that I had bought such an intimate present.

Another rant over.

I do understand what you are saying. My mother was a cook of the old fashioned kind. Christmas dinner had everything plus. I am not a cook and prefer ready prepared. She cooked till she was almost 90 for the Christmas dinner and came alive doing it. When she couldn't do it anymore, I got lists of instructions of what she wanted and how to do it. When my efforts did not live up to her demands, she would tell me that she had cooked for 60 years and managed it till she was 90, why couldn't I do the same? I was not a trained cooked and I had not cooked for the upper classes. She had cooked for a very famous aristocratic family in her time just after the war. I am sad she is not here anymore but I now do a very plain, no frills Christmas lunch.

Magenta8 thank you for thinking of others at what I think is a difficult time of year for many.
A friend of mine hated Christmas and found it depressing. He never explained why.
So many people alone at Christmas which is portrayed as being a time of family gatherings and parties which must make loneliness worse.

Not criticising the very thoughtful original post in any way, but could we spare a thought for the divorced, particularly for those who have to spend Christmas without sight of their children? Often overlooked, because pride makes them reluctant to admit their situation.

Taken in the spirit in which it is meant easybee.

I agree, it must be hard for divorcees who can't see their children over Christmas also the parents of divorcees who often loose contact with their GCs.

Looking back can make you feel so sad because it was so lovely...or because it was so awful.

So let's just look at Christmas 2025 as the others are history. Happy Christmas to all whether with family or on your own. Hold back on martyrdom if you are racing about. Delegate if you can. It will all be over in a flash. Time races by.

Christmas has always been a quiet family focused time for us, we naturally shy away from large raucous gatherings. ( lovely for those who are more out going)
Like you Magenta8 I often spare a thought for those who find this time of year difficult and hope they find peace in the coming year.

Everything seems so much more at Christmas, the hurts, longings and recriminations. One minute you can be fussing about with a sprig of holly belting out O Come All Yea Faithfull along with Classic FM then unable to get through Silent Night without sobbing. Heartfelt & kindest thoughts to all x

A lovely thread Magenta .

Christmas Eve will be the 13th anniversary of our estrangement from our youngest son and only GC and with out DS living in Aus. it will once again be just the two of us.

Your post sums up perfectly what our last 12 Christmas experiences have been keepcalmandcavachon but so far, no tears have been shed and I'm hoping it will stay that way.

Wishing you all peace this Christmas x

I always feel there is a unique kind of melancholy introspection around Christmastime. Perhaps it is the enforced jollity that surrounds this time of year.

I sometimes look back, in an Ebenezer Scrooge kind of way, and think of all the money wasted on things nobody needed or wanted.

However, I hope to be able to help create happy memories for all my GCs.

Have yourself as merry a little Christmas as you can everyone.