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Should I stop?

(30 Posts)
Ijustwantpeace2020 Mon 29-Dec-25 17:49:58

Briefly - husband does not have good recent memory and now unwell with chesty cough, as am I. He forgets to drink or take tablets so I’ve been reminding him but he doesn’t think I should. Says he hasn’t asked me to do it. He knows when to take them he says but clearly doesn’t. Do I stop and let him just get on with it? Or do I carry on and try to help him get better?

BlueBelle Mon 29-Dec-25 17:57:04

Well you carry on of course unless you want him to be really unwell and be more of a problem
If you have a cough as well can’t you pretend you’re both taking them and just get them out give him a cuppa and say it’s our tablet time
Seems line of least resistance to me

Oreo Mon 29-Dec-25 17:59:01

Depends on his reaction to you telling him.If he’s getting angry then don’t do it.Maybe suggest he gets a tablet box with the days of the week printed on it?Mum has one and it helps her remember.

Madgran77 Mon 29-Dec-25 18:08:41

1. Dont remind let him forget once 2. Show him he hasnt taken it and tell him you will remind because you dont want him to get seriously ill. (Maybe suggest you both help each other to remember pills?)
3. Does he need to discuss his memory issues with his GP?

Granmarderby10 Mon 29-Dec-25 18:23:34

Madgran I say to anyone who can get an unwilling partner who is in denial about their memory function to visit a doctor well done you
and to try to contact those same doctors on the partners behalf and get a straight forward and timely response for advice, as opposed to being directed towards yet anther online form….well the absolute best of luck, honestly. Perhaps this is just my surgery.

kittylester Mon 29-Dec-25 18:30:19

Try talking to your husband's GP. You ask him to invite your dh in for a routine check up. He could then assess him and talk to him if he thinks there is a problem.

Admiral Nurses will also offer advice.

Fallingstar Mon 29-Dec-25 18:37:27

I am a full time carer for my husband who has impaired cognition including poor memory caused by a stroke. He can get irritable and cross at times about his lack of ability to do things but I have to take control with something as important as meds. I don’t think this is something you can mess around with just because your husband’s irritability annoys you. Am not sure if you have a diagnosis for your husbands condition, if not I would advise you visit your GP pronto. If your husband can’t help his poor memory is rather unkind to ‘leave him to it’ as far as important meds are concerned.
Wishing you all the best.

Homestead62 Mon 29-Dec-25 18:42:39

Would a dosette box be of use? My brother and I both use one. I find it invaluable as my memory is not what it was. My brother's is made up and delivered by the pharmacy.

Ijustwantpeace2020 Mon 29-Dec-25 19:14:56

His normal meds are in a dosette box and marked so he usually takes them ok. I’m just referring to antibiotics for his chest and paracetamol for his headache. He has had tests done for memory but fell out with clinician involved and refuses to have any more tests done. He gets angry at me for reminding him so I thought maybe I should pull back a bit.

HelterSkelter1 Mon 29-Dec-25 19:23:09

How difficult it is. Has he got a tablet box into which he can put his days/weeks meds? Or can he write himself a timetable and tick off when he has taken them? Then he can see if he has forgotten.
Can you just pour him a drink when you have one, but don't comment just put it beside him.

Try to let any comments from him go over your head. Hard to do sometimes

Have you got Power of Attorney? Don't delay if you haven't.

Ijustwantpeace2020 Mon 29-Dec-25 19:48:06

I do have POA in case things get worse.

Wyllow3 Mon 29-Dec-25 19:49:25

You do need to carry on reminding him I think and put up with the flack.

Or say "lets do a deal: I'll stop reminding you if you agree to put the new tablets in the box along with the others".

If it's a new kind of behaviour (ie forgetting absolute health essentials) then I agree about the GP.

Shelflife Mon 29-Dec-25 22:28:55

I fully understand your feelings. My husband has a diagnosis of Alzheimers and is in denial- this makes my life difficult . He often refuses to attend appointments or to join the family for a get together. I find distraction my best option, if I change the subject and try again later that often works. I think you are well advised to see his GP to discuss your husband's situation. Having POA should make that easier for you. He may or may or may not have dementia, if he has, no amount of trying to reason/ argue with him will help!! You will never win . If my DH won't take medication , a tablet box with times and dates would not help !! If he digs his heels in , I have no choice but to accept that , keep calm or suggest we have a coffee or a short walk. That often works.
Please make that appointment at the surgery , there are many reasons for your husbands behaviour so speak to your GP ASAP. I have empathy for your situation and know how frustrating it is when you are trying to reason with him and get nowhere. Good luck and although it is difficult try and distract your DH rather than try to press a point - that is a fruitless exercise and only serves to distress you.

nanna8 Mon 29-Dec-25 23:39:12

This sounds familiar. My husband gets really cross when I remind him of things- partly I think because he knows he is ‘losing it’ a bit. Doesn’t like Womansplaining!

Fidelity2 Tue 30-Dec-25 00:00:40

I have a tablet box for my medications, It was my Husbands as he became blind in his later years. It was very handy for me to put him up his weeks supply of meds. then give him the appropriate strip for the day of the week, then he could feel which tablets he had to take.

HelterSkelter1 Tue 30-Dec-25 05:55:05

Sorry OP my post crossed with yours and you answered my question.

Wyllow's advice is very sound.

My sympathies. You are trying to do your best.

Madgran77 Tue 30-Dec-25 11:09:04

Granmarderby10

Madgran I say to anyone who can get an unwilling partner who is in denial about their memory function to visit a doctor well done you
and to try to contact those same doctors on the partners behalf and get a straight forward and timely response for advice, as opposed to being directed towards yet anther online form….well the absolute best of luck, honestly. Perhaps this is just my surgery.

I understand your point but my experience is that GPs vary on this one. Which they shouldn't 😏

undines Tue 30-Dec-25 13:52:54

Have you asked him WHY he does not want to be reminded? Is he usually this uncooperative? Does he believe you nag him generally (not saying you do, and anyway, my answer to a man who says his wife nags is to say 'Well, why don't you just do what she asks, then she won't have to nag!'). I'm just wondering if this is part of a bigger picture? Hope you get it smoothed over - such things are very annoying!

Janetashbolt Tue 30-Dec-25 13:54:19

Same here, DH had a brain bleed in May almost died but short term memory shot although they say it should return within 1-2 years. I'm really fed up with being told off for reminding him of things he says he's remembered but if I don't remind him he surprising forgets too........... which is usually my fault as well

Stillness Tue 30-Dec-25 13:54:54

If he’s otherwise in good health, I would stop and point out to him that you won’t remind him any more and he needs to remember. Sometimes people hate ‘ill health reminders’ rammed down their throats and he might just prefer to quietly get on with it so that theres less focus on it. If he forgets, well, it’s his responsibility, not yours.

KKOB Tue 30-Dec-25 14:10:47

kittylester

Try talking to your husband's GP. You ask him to invite your dh in for a routine check up. He could then assess him and talk to him if he thinks there is a problem.

Admiral Nurses will also offer advice.

Good luck with getting to talk to your GP.

sandye Tue 30-Dec-25 14:49:42

You can buy pill dispensers that flash a little light and release the tablet when its time. maybe try one of those, then you are not reminding him but you know if hes taken it.

MaggsMcG Tue 30-Dec-25 16:12:33

Can you add his antibiotics to his dossett box or is it sealed. As for the headache maybe if you can watch when he does take them and just make sure the gap between him taking the next ones is at keast 4 hours.

Momac55 Tue 30-Dec-25 16:48:19

I put a reminder on my husbands phone, it pings at 10 a.m. every day with a message that says don’t forget to take your pills, he ignores it. I now put them in one of those boxes with the days of the week in and he usually but not always takes them . I just do that and leave him to it (he got better at taking them after he had several heart attacks) but gets angry if I remind him so it’s up to him now

4allweknow Tue 30-Dec-25 17:21:47

If it's prescribed medicine then a reminder is needed whether he likes it or not. There are boxes available for putting a daily dose of medicines in, perhaps a visible prompt would help