Was everything “fabulous” for you?

Dont worry about it. If someone rang me I would have been quite positive, that we had enjoyed the Christmas time, however as a 24/7 carer it is tough. We made the best of a bad deal, we were together, so what else is needed? we did have visits from our children and grand children, but they have their own exciting things to do. I am not going to stop them enjoying their time together. Christmas is only a few days, as long as they visit over the year and understand how we are coping that is good enough for me.

We had a lovely Christmas and are celebrating my husband's 70th birthday tomorrow with a family lunch followed by the theatre, but I am very aware that many people will have had a difficult time over Christmas. I worked as a support worker and community physio assistant for a number of years, and it's seeing the reality of day to day life for those who are elderly, lonely, disabled or unwell which really makes you aware of your own good fortune and other people's struggles. So I'm always very modest with my replies if asked how my Christmas was, or New Year or holidays. Just a simple 'It was lovely thanks, how was yours?' is enough.

I just know so many people, not " elderly, lonely, disabled or unwell"

Who say, well, thank goodness thats over, I'm glad normality has returned. Without needing to pretend anything, even if their christmases went OK.

Why the need to pretend? Pointless.

We're all under pressure for everything to be perfect. Anyone who is on their own tends to feel or to be made to feel "second best “
To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt “Nobody can make you feel inferior (or second best) without your consent”
I certainly don’t feel second best or that I am necessarily missing out - it can be flipping exhausting to be in a big family gathering, however much you love them.
And back in the day when I did it all for DH’s family, my parents, in- laws etc etc, I was knackered by the end of it and viewed it as my “present” to them.

And back in the day when I did it all for DH’s family, my parents, in- laws etc etc, I was knackered by the end of it and viewed it as my “present” to them.

Years ago I was fretting about what to buy MIL for Christmas and my wise friend said "You're giving her Christmas".

My Christmas day was nice, seeing the great grandchildren open presents plus adult present exchange.
Dinner delicious cooked by Grandaughter. Spoiled by txt next day to say they won't ve hosting Christmas day next year..all too much for Grandaughter..moving forward to today..short visit from family, short because they were going home to do a roast dinner for other family...same number as Christmas day!!

I'm always extremely generous to all of them..they are all I have these says. Looks like next Christmas day I'll be celebrating on my own..I'm 88...I could be a pile of ash by them lol.

Oh grannygran what a thought!!

It reminds me of in my working days and colleague's coming back of their holidays with hoards of photographs of the swimming pool lol. I had a very quiet Xmas with hubby and enjoyed the peace and quiet. I hosted last year and found it exhausting.

My pet hate are the 'round robin' letters that tell me about, not only the most fantastic Christmas just celebrated, but every single success - however small - blown out of all proportion - as if no-one else had ever had such happy/successful events!!

Sorry to see you couldn't express your thoughts. Telling you off like your six years old! My second word would have been off lol.

Im with you on that. Peace and quiet, lovely

Mrs Meldrew, your Christmas Day sounds absolutely perfect to me

I do think the media does try to raise expectations of what Christmas Day meal should be like. There seems to be so many additions that its no longer a traditional meal. Since DH died I'm usually with family, and I would never comment on what is offered on the menu (I usually offer to help) or how it is to be presented. I'm grateful to be included. Think with all the social media if anyone does anything new these days it has to be posted for a but of self praise

Lost husband in Sept and dreaded this time but my friends were fabulous and I had a good time. The food was fine but the company was SUPERB and I won’t stop telling people that. They have done me proud and I love them for it. I’m going to listen more to friends and family and critique less. Lesson learnt

I don't hate Christmas but I hate the expectation that everyone must be together and unless you have a dozen around the table you can't possibly have had a nice time🙄
My DH and I prefer our nice quiet day I cook a the food we like , tbh the thought of cooking for loads and trying to keep cater to people's preference fills me with dread, so does having a hoard of people in the house.
Also the enquires before the event, "are you ready for Christmas" " what you doing for Christmas " " is your family coming for Christmas "
after the event "Did you enjoy" "How did your Christmas go" make me 😡

Frogoet

Lost husband in Sept and dreaded this time but my friends were fabulous and I had a good time. The food was fine but the company was SUPERB and I won’t stop telling people that. They have done me proud and I love them for it. I’m going to listen more to friends and family and critique less. Lesson learnt

So pleased you managed to get through your first Christmas with the support of good friends. It is at times like this we know who our real friends are.

I always remember when I was a child / teen whenever mr parents were asked by folk ‘ how was your Christmas?’ They always replied ‘ very nice, quiet’

I love cooking, so I had a marvellous time cooking Christmas dinner for a friend and myself - everything turned out just fine, as it should, I have after all nearly 50 years' practise of the art of cooking Christmas dinner.

New Year's Eve with another friend staying here overnight. Her dog and my two cats perfectly comfortable with one another but scared stiff of the fireworks that started here before dark at four and went on until 2 a.m.

Dinner was a new dish, Spanish style prawns in garlic, followed by a traditional Danish New Year's dish of kale and caramelized potatoes with boiled bacon.

So yes two wonderful festive evenings, barring Tigger doing his Cheshire cat stunt so successfully that I did not find him until I was crawling into bed, his sister holed up under the sofa, where at least she dusted the hinder areas of it, as she came out with her ears festooned with cobwebs, and a labrador trying desperately to be a lapdog. The one cat and the dog refused all offers of access to the garden and held themselves in until this morning, the tom cat condescended to use the litter box at some point overnight.

Please St Getrude and St Roche, patrons of cats and dogs, may we have a blanket ban on fireworks?

I think people feel pressured into having the perfect Christmas and don't want to let on that it might have been less than perfect.

I don't mind if they want to boast but it does get a bit repetitive when you hear virtually the same story from several different people.

Here was my Christmas. We went the seaside in our small campervan and had toast and jam for breakfast. We were going to go for a walk but the weather was against us. We then went to visit my 91 year old mother who is in hospital. After that we went home and had a full English for our Christmas Dinner. We stuffed ourselves with chocolates until we felt sick then went to bed.

It was a weird Christmas Day that summed up a weird year. Mam's been in hospital for 40 out of 52 weeks. Thank goodness for the NHS.

Frogoet

Lost husband in Sept and dreaded this time but my friends were fabulous and I had a good time. The food was fine but the company was SUPERB and I won’t stop telling people that. They have done me proud and I love them for it. I’m going to listen more to friends and family and critique less. Lesson learnt

Your first Christmas without your DH must have been difficult.
I'm glad you had such lovely friends and family to support you.

Usedtobeblond wrote that it was a moan and a rant…….sounds
pretty miffed to me.

Love and joy to you to.

sue421

Dont worry about it. If someone rang me I would have been quite positive, that we had enjoyed the Christmas time, however as a 24/7 carer it is tough. We made the best of a bad deal, we were together, so what else is needed? we did have visits from our children and grand children, but they have their own exciting things to do. I am not going to stop them enjoying their time together. Christmas is only a few days, as long as they visit over the year and understand how we are coping that is good enough for me.

💐for you sue421
You obviously have a kind and generous heart.

If it's any consolation, my Christmas was same as any other day a bit of dinner and chat. People are so over indulgent and have high expectations for a day that should be spent thinking of the true meaning of Christmas.