urgent please advise

What are the circumstances in which she had the child?

1. Has she always said she wants children/shown interest in babies, etc?
2. Is she in a firm relationship - marriage or equivalent with the man concerned?
3. Did he decide to be a parent - or no?
4. Was the child deliberately planned and wanted?
5. What are the material circumstances? Own home, rented home, does she still have the job she had before the child?
6. Does she have a pattern of changing her mind about major issues after the event - or is it just in this case and she did decide/plan etc to have the child and then changed her mind afterwards?

I'm not a parent/never wanted to be - but I'm thinking the background to all this is relevant.

Your GC has two parents so the first port of call would be the child's father- who you do not mention.

I have come across similar situations, indeed was in a relationship with a man whose wife walked out and left him to bring up a three year old by himself.

It isn't that uncommon.

SS would be the very last resort- this child may have a whole other family willing to help and support this child. Please don't forget them.

In the short term, is there anyone you can call on to collect the child and bring her to stay with you? Once you know,she is safe and being looked after, you'll be better placed to get advice- probably from social services. Is the child's father around?

The child’s father is relevant to what happens. Social services will only intervene if the child is at risk.

friendlygingercat

There is a real gap in the market here for somewhere equivalent to a cattery or kennells where you can dump your kids for a few days when you need a break. Somewhere they will be fed, watered and changed but little else. Call it a Kiddy-bunker.

?????

twiglet77

The child’s father is relevant to what happens. Social services will only intervene if the child is at risk.

If children’s services are called they will ask about father’s involvement as part of their initial assessment
It’s true that preventive and support services are rare due to austerity but it’s unlikely some positive intervention doesn’t happen in a situation described by the OP

Katie, your daughter needs to be told that whether or no she likes her child, or indeed whether or not she likes children, she is now responsible for a child. Don't make her feel guilty for not liking children and this is not necessarily a symptom of mental illness.

She is obviously in child- rearing difficulties so she needs to be told there is help at hand.

OK..if you are old enough to have a child.you are old enough to deal with the consequenses.It is NOT your child..she needs to take control..and sort it out.

Get in touch with her Heath Visitor asap

Your daughter might be very depressed or had a major confidence loss? Or could be getting at you for some reason?
Is the father a positive influence?
Are there any other close family members who might be able to advise? Otherwise speak to your GP.

Pomgirl

OK..if you are old enough to have a child.you are old enough to deal with the consequenses.It is NOT your child..she needs to take control..and sort it out.

But a little child of two should not be left to deal with the consequences of her mother’s unwillingness to care for her/him. The OP has to step in, if only temporarily. It sounds as though her daughter is in no mood to “take control”.

Please don’t contact SServices … you will go down the wrong path with them …

Each county has a Child Safeguarding team who will help with this matter. Call them and your daughters GP

55katie
You are not too old to look after your DGD if you want to, I adopted my youngest DD 3 and disabled when I was 65! I know SS were desperate ! I feel for your daughter and you it must be heartbreaking.

As others have said it depends on child’s age. If a baby this could be in part pnd. If older it may be something else as well. If you can take GC to keep him/her safe please do but also contact DD surgery and ask for help. If she’s known to them they may do a wellness check. Your D obviously needs help and GC needs protection and love.

I think as well as following the excellent advice already given here, you need to find someone you can tell the whole sad story to, someone who knows you and your daughter,

From what you write it looks as if both you and your daughter have no other family or good friends, I hope this is not so.

If you are without anyone nearby to turn to, perhaps you might feel comfortable confiding in a minister of religion, or a psycologist, or a family counsellor. Problems do tend to become larger and more unmanagable if we have to deal with them ourselves, and you are dealing with an enormous problem here, so you do need someone you can share the load with.

Lynette poster has already said the child is 2

Poor girl, what a nightmare for her and you.

Your daughter could choose adoption; a permanent stable home for the child. preferable to "going into care" or care by you in your circumstances (This is no criticism of you whatever).

Perhaps if you suggested that to DD, that this IS a real option for her and for the child, this might considerably help steady the ship and calm her down enough to think straight.

Reassure her, there is a way through this, she is not trapped or cornered and neither are you. If she can't raise her child, she can still make the best responsible choice for them.

If she wants to consider Adoption, she will need to contact social services to discuss it. When she's ready, one step at a time.

From similar personal experience I have to caution against the opinions which are of the ‘let the mother sort it out’ type. The best thing for a 2 year old child whose mother is very clear that she doesn’t want the child is not to be with that mother. Nor I think is it to be with a registered blind grandmother no matter how unpalatable the alternative is.

I’ve found that social services do all they can to safely keep a child within their extended birth family but not when safety is a potentially compromised for whatever reason.

I wouldn’t hesitate to ring social services and discuss it with them even if you wish to do so hypothetically and anonymously initially.

Grannytomany, many thanks for your post. It’s clearly based in experience of some kind. It’s grounding, which is what’s needed here

I also agree with Grannytomany. Wise words.
As I stated before the priority has to be the two year old child, a mere toddler whose needs should be met by someone willing and able to do so. And there is also the question of safety of the child if the mother is mentally unwell.
I cannot think of a better reason to inform social services who will, I am sure, do everything possible to help the child and immediate family.

Children need a lot more than being fed watered and changed. They need live and safety for their mental and emotional health

Hi if you feel either your Gd or D are at risk contact the councils safe guarding dept, just telephone council. Let's hope you you all get the support you all need. Got bless.

Thank you for your good advice. I have sat down and spoke with my daughter and not given the usual talk of we have all felt like this at some point. Before baby she was travelling and working round the world and as soon as she became pregnant the partner ran and never been in touch so her lifestyle completely turned upside down. She has no friends at all and those she did have don’t want to know. We are only a small family in total so it is difficult. I said I would have my granddaughter and she flipped she said so it takes me having a full scale wobble for you to have her overnight. I see all my grandchildren as much as I can. I see or speak with daughter everyday.and have the grandchildren once a week on my own which takes up a full week. I told her I wasn’t a mind reader. In my head I’m thinking so she wants me to commit to having her overnight also. She said she never wanted children ever and it was the worse decision of her life. I said very calmly she should have done the right thing before baby became a reality. We did discuss this at the time and I said she was an adult and I would not under any circumstances make that decision. I have spoken to the doctors and they are sending the Health visitor round to hers they said they will say it’s a routine check and not say I have phoned. My son when I spoke with him said she knows how to play me and which buttons to press to get what she wants he said did she to the tears and threats. I never replied. Whenever people see her about and my granddaughter they say how good she is with her and interacts really great, but she has done and said all what she has it contradicts what others and even I see. Behind closed doors give me the thought. Hopefully the Heath visitor will suggest something.

Lostmyglassesxx

Please don’t contact SServices … you will go down the wrong path with them …

Sometimes decisions are made, in court, which are not popular. In the main SS do a good job in awful circumstances.