Die Quietly and Don’t Cause Much Bother

It's the way of the world now, who wants a fussy funeral, certainly not me, who actually likes going to funerals, it's not out of duty to the departed is it, relatives think they need to make a show of it for other people.
Most homes are now minimalist and all beige and greys they don't want chinz etc, no, sort your belongings now, sell some and go on a holiday, give some to a favourite charity, think how good it will feel when you get rid of the clutter- and yes I've already started, who knows what's around the corner.

When I moved a couple of years ago I cut back what I kept! Not a lot of furniture. Donated music & books. Kept favourites & my Dragon collection as my son wants some of the Dragons & knows where he can sell the rest! Nothing else to leave him but he does not want me to worry & get rid of any more than I already have! Backs it up by giving me books & music. Think he is unusual but love him for that!

Debbie58 When my husband died 3 years ago I had his big workshop to sort out. I knew I couldn't ignore it as some of the equipment would deteriorate. If you have a Men's Shed in your area contact them. Three reps came up to look through the equipment, they couldn't believe all the stuff. They came back another day to disconnect some stuff, box up other bits then came back with a van to move everything. The shed had some folding bench tops, loads of drawers, shelves most of which I felt I'd never use. Again, another team came to take out what I didn't want and took all away to recycle in their Men's Shed. I did tell them if any of the equipment was found to be superfluous they could sell for funds but they felt if not kept in the Mens Shed, members would buy for their own use. Wonderful organisation. Keep in mind for when the day comes.

I really like this and have writeen it down for future reference - things mean something to us not our kids. Thank you.

FranA

I will shortly have too face the grim reaper. A fact of life. Some other facts of live are that I did everything I could to give my children a good life. Went without; saved money so they could get driving licences; cars; university educations. I also thought I was doing the right thing by acquiring good crystal; good China; lots of photographic memories etc etc. Now it seems I am supposed to minamalise all that so they don’t have too waste any of their precious time and grieving over my demise. Would I be wrong to think… I could just blow it all any you can just start completely afresh. No baggage from me!

Have your kids said that literally? Or are you thinking they think that?

My mil always had a charity bag at the back of the front door. By the time she died, she had barely nowt left 😔
Her bed & tv went to one neighbour, sofa & wardrobe to another neighbour. Job done. No house to sell as it was a private rent.

i have had the talk with my son, no funeral, no service, just a straight cremation, the house, take anything you want and then get a company to come in and clear it, plain, simple and no fuss.

Leave everything to someone else, take them out of your will, sell your things, gift your home , arrange your own funeral, and spend your money on having fun in what little time you have left, I do not understand the modern age of not loving your parents, but if they have children their day will come

Leave everything to someone else, take them out of your will, sell your things, gift your home

...I'm not sure about the leap to "not loving your parents" from just not wanting much from their house?

The thing is, donating to whichever charity or good cause gives you 'control'. Your once precious treasures have a new and safer destination.
Yes, NotSpaghetti, not wanting your 'stuff' does not indicate that they don't love you.
Would you want their 'stuff'?

S*d decluttering to make life easier for the childern. Why on earth should we do that? We have just downsized and that has obviously included disposing of furniture and possessions. But we have done what we want in our way.

The last thing I am going to do is trim the last years of my life to meet the whims of my children. As long as they take away - and destroy all photos and private papers, they can then get in house clearers and leave it to them.

We are fortunate that, actually, our AC - and DGC- like and want our stuff. When we sold our holiday home in France, most of what we brought back to the UK was then delivered to our children, not us. Our DGD claimed our pine dresser dressed and drawers crammed with random blue and white furniture, DD took a patent armchair and beds and bedside tables. What is more, we sold our previous house to a young couple and they bought uite a lot of our furniture from us - an Ercol elm dining room suite, which we had in the kitchen/familyroom, chests of drawers, one whole bedroom of furniture, arm chairs.

DD has been absolutely insistent that we do nothing about getting rid of stuff with death in mind. She said taking the house apart and deciding what to do with everything is an important part of the mourning process.

All our furniture, mattress and settee, excepted ,is at least 100 years old, and even in today's depressed market for brown furniture, our furniture fetches reasonable prices, which we have found out because we have been both selling furniture at auction and buying, around our move.

When my late father in law died, he was the surviving partner, they had a large house and whilst he wasn't a hoarder by any means, it took several skip loads to clear general junk and acquisitions of no particular value, that his generation were prone to do, hang on to just in case it might be needed sometime in the future. I'm with Monica, I'm not going to bend over backwards to accommodate a smooth transition for the next generation as to winding up our estate and generally getting rid of things I want to keep, we had to sort out loads for our parents in that respect, tough! it's what you do in the circumstances and you can never be sure what future generations might like. For example, late parents in law had some now very coveted "mid century furniture" a couple of pieces that resonated more with our children's generation than it did with us, were gratefully received. I inherited some lovely bone china tea and coffee sets from that house, I do bring them out occasionally when we have guests, but I do wonder what will happen to them eventually. Same with some lovely bits of art deco china, very 1930s from my own grandmother. I don't perceive any of the younger generation to be at all interested in any of this stuff. Anyway I won't be here to care.

My life would have been much less hectic and complicated had I not had children. I’m damned if I’m going to feel guilty for burdening them with one day having to empty the home in which they all grew up.

Very sorry about your circumstances.

With respect, those things that you did for your children are what parents are supposed to do.

In our sixties, we have downsized and minimalised already. Hoping to be here for a good while yet. In the meantime, its made our lives a great deal easier, too.

I remember my husband and I taking late m-i-law's fur coats up to a furriers in North London to dispose of because the female members of the family thought they were an abomination and wouldn't give them cupboard space. We were told such items get taken apart and sent out to Russia where no one cares about the wearing of fur allegedly! Well that was a few years ago before they had a war to worry about.

nexus63

i have had the talk with my son, no funeral, no service, just a straight cremation, the house, take anything you want and then get a company to come in and clear it, plain, simple and no fuss.

This is exactly what my parents did, and it will be the same for me. It really doesn’t need to be a hassle.

eddiecat78

Today we took delivery of some replacement cushions for an IKEA chair. OH has insisted on boxing up the old cushions and putting them in the garage "in case we need them".
Give me strength!

This is me exactly!

knspol

eddiecat78

Today we took delivery of some replacement cushions for an IKEA chair. OH has insisted on boxing up the old cushions and putting them in the garage "in case we need them".
Give me strength!

This is me exactly!

😂 I’m a bit like this as well.
Thanks 4allweknow for the Men’s Shed tip.

Enjoy all the pretty things that you have acquired throughout your life.

Display them to your liking maybe if possible get someone to keep the precious things nice and clean - but if they are too much to cope with you can sell them or donate to a charity -so someone else can enjoy them.

Not everyone is obsessed with minimalism. It is just a boring fad.
As for making it easier for one’s offspring well as long as you’re not living in squalor they will cope.

It is difficult for those born post 1980s to understand why people would hoard broken down electrical stuff for decades, but these things were once prohibitively expensive for some and the “throwaway” society was only born because things became cheaper, much much cheaper.

It was the last time my siblings and I got together in my family home. It was a couple of days, a van, a car load here and there, dressed in our scruffs but there was laughter and reminiscing too.

Monica said S*d decluttering to make life easier for the childern. Why on earth should we do that? We have just downsized and that has obviously included disposing of furniture and possessions. But we have done what we want in our way.

The last thing I am going to do is trim the last years of my life to meet the whims of my children. As long as they take away - and destroy all photos and private papers, they can then get in house clearers and leave it to them.

I go along with this. We downsized four years ago and got rid of loads of stuff, things which had moved house to house with us, but remained in boxes in the attic and a lot of paperwork. I also decluttered photos, the unknown misty mountains, wonky sea views, choosing the best of multiple copies and ditching the rest. I redistributed my offspring’s possessions to their own homes unless they didn’t want it. Book were winnowed out to those which would be read or consulted or had a sentimental meaning.

Funnily enough, one of my daughters went off bearing lots of our discarded things. She likes the lived-in look so has taken possession of her childhood bedroom furniture and kitchen goods I no longer have room for.

Our children like coming ‘home’ to us and I want our house to be a cosy, welcoming place for them, not somewhere that looks as though the last packing case is about to be nailed down and all character stripped from it.

My mother was a thrower-out of things, all my childhood toys & books were disposed of without me being told. I got home from school one day and they were gone! After my father died, all his clothes and so on were gone from the house by two days after the funeral. When she went into a care home 15mths ago, I sorted her small house out. I saved the books she wanted and the rest was condensed into five medium sized boxes. Some music CD’s, a few trinket ornaments, photos and family documents and a few pieces of art work. Even her clothes would all easily fit into a large suitcase! The rest was taken by house clearance.

petra

Believe me it’s very sad for us who sort the donations.
The beautiful embroidered table clothes and matching napkins. The same with very good bedding, too dated.
We can’t display cutlery sets because we can’t display knives.
It’s very sad.
Fortunately I’m a chuckerouter extraordinaire but even I have to be strong.

petra, forgive me if this is a stupid question, but
how can ‘good bedding’. be too dated?

when we cleared out a maiden aunt’s massive house
we found in a large mahogany chest of drawers, in a
wall cupboard, in cases under beds, cotton sheets
galore, Dorcas I rcall, some still in cellophane packs,
a real mystery.

We sent them to the local laundry, washed and pressed
(through a press) £1 each, 70+ of them, plain with lovely
edging, huge sheets, daughters still using them.

Where I live now in a small town with 6! charity shops
which I haunt, I have never once come across any lovely
old bedding, or new.

Anything we do not want we put onto Freecycle, as
people will take anything.

But it is all nothing new. It was the same when my grandparents died and my parents, lots of things they had were of no interest to young people furnishig their houses in the 1960s or 1990s.

Then a generation later everyone wants them. 30 years ago 1950s-70 household contents were a drug on the market. Now 'Mid-century Modern is all the rage. Ercol, G Plan, Nathan, now all command significant prices. Still cheaper than new, but a few years ago you could not give this furniture away. I can remember when someone would put a Clarice Cliff vase in the bin (my mother did) It was a wedding present and she thought it was hideous and nobody she knew wanted it, they shared her opinion - but now!

My mother hadn’t died when we had to clear her house - she’d moved to a care home (dementia).

A sister in law who came to help, had the idea of advertising a ‘help yourself ‘open afternoon on local social media. We put a load of stuff, some of it not considered quite good enough even for charity shops - all sorts inc. crockery, cutlery, saucepans, you name it, in the sitting room.

It was amazing what people came and took away. Certainly it saved us quite a few trips to the tip or charity shop.

I confess, M0nica I have been using a very unusual Clarice Cliff shallow bowl under my cactus since 1978!
Turning the sandy cactus has scraped lots of the pattern off.

It was my dad's. He only used it as a container for large but shallow flower arrangements - and never liked it.

We hear a lot about hoarding and declutterring. I wonder if these problems are any worse than they ever were?
Never throwing anything away is a state of mind. If your house is full of junk then declutterring won’t change anything permanently.
Nobody should feel they must get rid of stuff they value so their children’s job will be easier when they die.