Did we let our Parents influence our Married Lives

My mother thought my MIL was too good to be true and was vocal about how she was a stupid woman. I refused to be swayed by her and just thought it said more about my mother than my MIL!

Oh, and she hated my husband until she got dementia and suddenly he became the best thing since sliced bread. He was the only one who could get her to do what she needed to do.

My husband and I put a very prompt stop to my mother's attempts to interefere in our marriage, which she felt perfectly entitled to do. Much as I loved her, I was not prepared to let my mother tell me how to live my life.

My mother-in-law had sadly died before my husband and I married. I doubt she would have tried to interfere, as I have always understood that she resembled my elder sister-in-law, and neither of my husband's sisters have try to interfere.

Reading the posts on gransnet I often get the feeling that the in-law relationship is hard, especially in the UK, but presumably we only hear about the relationships that are not working well on Gransnet.

I left home for University then afterwards stayed in the area near the University. My ex was a student there too and we stayed there after our marriage, so both sets of parents were some distance away. My MiL tried to talk him out of going out with me as I was a few years older than him and had a weight problem. She said "Why don't you find someone younger and slimmer?" I suspect she may not know that he told me! The first present she ever gave me was a weightwatchers recipe book!
Despite this rocky start I tried to put up with her interfering and had to be quite firm when she wanted to influence the children's upbringing.
I'm divorced now but still stay in touch with her. I feel sorry for her as she is in her 90s, nearly blind and quite lonely. My ex lives much further away than when we were together, so sees her less than she'd like and her other son lives abroad so she rarely sees him at all. When I gave birth to her first grandchild she started to refer to me as 'her loverly DiL' and it was clear her problem with me had been that she thought I might not give her grandchildren. They started asking when we planned to start a family as soon as we returned from honeymoon!
She never got on with her other son's wife and they are now separated, living in different countries, with one child living with each, neither of whom see their grandma! She doesn't get on with my ex's new partner either so if my ex visits it is always alone so never for long!
Although I feel sorry for her I know she has brought it on herself with her controlling attitudes and a tendency to think that no-one is good enough for her boys. It's very sad. My grown up kids visit her when they can but they live at the other end of the country so it isn't as often as she would like.
My own mum rarely interfered and one of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with her when the children were young as they didn't build a strong relationship with her as they did with my in-laws who lived near enough to visit regularly while my mum didn't drive and lived at the other end of the country. My ex wasn't keen to visit her very often either so she lost out. I saw her more after we split up but by then my kids were older and becoming independent.
When my son got married I told mmy DiL that I had hopefully learnt how not to be a MiL from my experience and I hoped she would benefit. Thankfully I totally approve of my DiL and I wouldn't dream of interfering with how she brings up my grandchildren!

Although I try not to offer advice unsolicited my son occasionally rings me to ask for advice about the big things. I love the fact that he does that - he rang me only a couple of days ago about a fairly big decision. He said he sometimes asks his dad, my ex, but he isn't usually very helpful!

Only my younger DB moved away once married for his job,(teaching). But my other DB and I stayed within a few hundred yards of our parents . My Mum and dad were the type to get on with everyone , and DM was best friends with mi MIL going to exercise classes together and pensioner clubs . I too got on well with MIL .
Similar tale with my DCs . DS1 and DD have always lived near me but DS2 moved to North Wales when younger but we still see a lot of him , his partner and his DC . Thankfully there has been no falling out . My DH died nearly 19 years ago but I am still great friends with his siblings and see them quite often . I consider us this to be normal family life .

I expect our marriages were influenced by our parents simply because we grew up with mum and dad which influenced our personalities

My parents and parents in law didn’t interfere, they loved us, we loved them. When our children arrived they supported but never interfered.

I follow that path with my adult children and grandchildren. I’m lucky, they share the joys and when worried, come and talk to me
Family 🌞

astitchintime me too

My mother never stopped trying to interfere but she wasn't interested in spending time with or building a relationship with her grandchildren . I just ignored her efforts . She would often get one of my siblings to ring me up and tell me I should or should not be doing this or that etc etc . She liked to cause trouble so I largely paid no attention and just did my own thing and learnt not to keep her informed .
My MIL never interfered but again she wasn't particularly interested in the children either . My SIL tried on numerous occasions to control us but luckily we didn't live nearby and I wasn't going to entertain that .
I don't interfere in my children's lives or their relationships , I'm too busy living my own but if they ask my advice I'll offer it . They rarely do . My DILs are strong ,intelligent and independent women who I am sure would not hesitate to tell me to butt out if I tried. Luckily we get on very well so that won't ever happen

I don’t know about influence but both our mums certainly had a view on our lives, jobs, children and houses but we didn’t let it influence our decisions. Different generations so different ideas. We all jogged along, mostly.

We emigrated and left everyone behind. Never regretted it for a moment . We used to meet parents every few years either in the uk or here. It was 10 years before we returned to the uk for our first visit and I remember being amazed at how green everything was. We never go anywhere very here now, too far and with the new rules too difficult.