Funeral

grandMattie

I would like to add that I truly don’t care - I’ll be dead and shan’t know, but it is very important for those left behind.

Absolutely my feeling as well, funeral plans are to comfort the living and that is what mine are, a comfort to me now. What actually happens when I finally die I really do not give a toss.

We have thought about our demise. We have decided on cremation only. This leaves more money to be divided between our chosen charities. If anyone wants a "party", as is popular today, they can organise it. My brother-in-law died recently and the facebook invitation was to a party. We didn't go as their parties usually end up as a drunken brawl.

Those who leave everything till the eleventh hour often run out of time at half past ten. High tide for my departure.

The last funeral I watched on a live stream was upsetting on several points. It felt very intrusive to see the close family so distraught, the celebrant went on and on repeaating herself and all, including the celebrant,
were expecting the coffin to disappear at the end which it didnt. Mechanical failure? So there was a very awkward time when no one knew what to do and then had to leave the room leaving the coffin there on its own. With my relation inside on her own. So sad. But she probably would have laughed.

I would like to add that I truly don’t care - I’ll be dead and shan’t know, but it is very important for those left behind.

I have such a small family and who knows what friends will be left and there is nothing worse than a funeral with three of four people there…. I dislike funerals so much and avoid them.
I ve done everything to make it as easy as possible for my daughter and she knows and agrees
Co op were as cheap as Pure cremations and I got £200ish in co op stamps 🤣and I trust them too
My daughter is going to do the same for herself later
I ve done it, not for me, but to make it as simple and easy as possible for her My other two are not in Uk I don’t want my son spending thousands of pounds to come and just say goodbye I d rather him say goodbye in his head

That’s all I hope is that I stay in my children’s and grandchildren’s heads and hearts as long as they live and that they can talk about me kindly to any future generations

This is so pertinent for me at the moment as my best friend is in end of life care at hospital she has left her body to science unfortunately it won’t be used as there is little of her left
We ve had a lot of fun and she ll live in my head

When our son died very unexpectedly, all my DH and I wanted was to hide away. We had not a clue what he would have wanted - certainly no fuss. But DD, as a vicar, told us it was imperative to have a funeral, with coffin for his mates to see and be able to properly say goodbye.
There were three short talks, one from his brother, one from his best friend and one from his work colleagues. There were three coffin was cardboard as he had been working in a pape4 recycling factory. The church was full.
When DH died, he had chosen the music and the vicar to perform the ceremony. A surprising number of people attended.
It is cathartic for the family to have some sort of send off, also to have some sort of idea what the deceased wanted.

A "final goodbye" is a rarity.

I don't think about it and my son doesn't want to talk about it yet as he thinks we're both too young to worry about it. I just want him to arrange something that he's comfortable with. I won't be there so it doesn't bother me and I trust him to do something respectful.

Same as JaxJacky

i don't think about my funeral, my son knows that i want a straight cremation, no service, no music, i was widowed at 39 and my son was 16, watching him at his dad's funeral broke my heart and i decided then i would not put him through that, he is fine with what i want, i have asked him and the family to plan a day out on the same day and have fun at the seaside and maybe let off a couple of baloons and to think i will be free of the pain that i am in everyday due to chronic nerve damage in both legs and feet.

Bellasnana

No I don’t as I’ve already bought and paid for a direct cremation. I don’t want a funeral. I’ve always hated being the centre of attention so would rather just go off without a fuss.

Same here.

Totally agree with Bellasnana. Already purchased Direct cremation. No funeral. Hate being centre of attention.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not sure what I'd like to do when I leave school! The next minute I'm cataloging old photos for when I'm gone.

Sorry for people struggling with loss.

Having had to organise my son's funeral, I realised that what matters is what those left behind want. He did not have money to pay for a funeral so we had to cut costs, but felt that having a service, with a small wake after, gave closure. If we had a direct cremation I would have felt in limbo.
Myself and his siblings made choices based on things (music, poetry etc.) we knew he liked. I wrote the eulogy. We wanted his extended family and friends to have the opportunity to get together and remember him.
He loved the sea so we will scatter his ashes at sea when the summer comes.

My OH and I bought a funeral package for each of us 6 years ago only to find the company went into liquidation and lost over £7,000. Having been diagnosed with a terminal cancer just one year ago, I voiced decision that I should have a Direct Funeral, to save a traumatic experience for OH and both DD and DS & families, only to find they were horrified and insisted that a “proper “ funeral would be necessary! I gave up and have written all the relevant information for a non-religious service, music, readings, etc. attached to copy will. Just hope this will appease them, after all I won’t be there!!

A much loved aunt died and as we were all preparing to travel for her funeral we were informed by her sons (our cousins) that they were awfully sorry but she had requested no funeral just a simple private cremation.
No goodbyes at all. We, her family all felt somewhat sidelined and rather hurt. I know it was her choice but our family is close and we felt as though we didn't matter. We're over it now but it was quite hurtful at the time.

interesting question Not spag!

Given that funeral expenses are taken out of the deceased estate prior to probate and are paid out after death directly from their account (unlike most bills), does anyone know if you can "tag on" a celebration or other "family wishes" to a funeral you have already bought?

So, for example, if someone's family does want a celebration or even a service but the deceased had paid for an unattended cremation can they take the cost out of the dead person's estate or do they have to fund it themselves (obviously after tax in this case)?

Just wondering as some people have booked things and then said family can do what they want as well.

Anybody know?

I have already bought and paid for a direct cremation.

It’s simple and hopefully less stressful for my family when the time comes.

They can obviously have a wake after if they so wish.

I stopped thinking about it when I wrote it all down so people know lol I don't want a furneral. Just cremate me (or bury me head 1st without a box) then that's that. If they want have a gathering or whatever then they can but I don't want all the stuff of funerals and costs.

petra

Hopefully my body will still be acceptable to science.
I signed up for this many years ago.

Like you Petra I have donated my body to a local medical school for training. They offer to return or cremate the body after three years, and return ashes. They hold a service every year for families of those who have donated. I'm hoping I'll be accepted when the time comes

I decided many years ago that I don't want a funeral, a direct cremation with no attendees and then my ashes scattered somewhere with my late DH's. Family all know what I would like, no fuss whatsoever. I have always thought funerals are absolute torture for those closest to the deceased but understand not everyone feels the same way.

You are not alone. I dread the thought of funerals. My DH won't book a holiday because of the cost of them. How depressing.

I have been to a lot of funerals.
Seen and heard things I would not want at mine.
Wont list them here[though anyone can dm me] as everyones' taste is different.