Life certainly isn’t fair….

Cossy

Kate1949

The fact that there is always someone worse off doesn't make your problems any easier necessarily.

No of course not, but sometimes it can bring a sense of perspective.

I wouldn't disagree Cossy and it's nice have a positive thread but I also think it depends....

Some do have it much, much worse than others and what's noticeable here is the people who talk about the importance of family and friends.
Some don't have those resources, some people are estranged from their families or simply don't have them, loneliness is rife in the UK.
I do think it's pot luck whether you live in a friendly neighbourhood and modern life with its stresses and its politics doesn't create many places to make real friendships.
I don't think it's about fairness exactly, it's often about which way the cookie crumbles and how much support and resilience you have when it seems as though everyone else is pulling up the ladder and retreating into family and friends.

Well yes it does put it in perspective. I tell myself I'm lucky I'm not ill (as far as I know) but my life has been very tough and I am scarred by it. We all cope differently. I know some on here have had terrible times too.

My daughter said she was glad i always told her that things aren't always "fair".
I used to tell her it was better she learnt it at home, then it wouldn't be such a shock when she encountered the big, wide world.

MissAdventure

My daughter said she was glad i always told her that things aren't always "fair".
I used to tell her it was better she learnt it at home, then it wouldn't be such a shock when she encountered the big, wide world.

That reminds me so much of my DM, I’d say “it’s not fair” as a child and she would simply smile and reply, “life is not fair darling”.

It annoyed me a little bit lo and behold I found myself saying the exact same thing to our children

I like the book ‘Oh the places you’ll go’ by Dr Seuss. It is inspiring for small children but tempers this by saying that sometimes things won’t go your way, things will go wrong, but that is ok, that happens.
I believe it is important that children are aware that life can sometimes be unfair and that sometimes feeling weak or that they have failed is not a terrible thing but will make them more rounded adults who will understand others and empathise with how they feel.

Fallingstar

I like the book ‘Oh the places you’ll go’ by Dr Seuss. It is inspiring for small children but tempers this by saying that sometimes things won’t go your way, things will go wrong, but that is ok, that happens.
I believe it is important that children are aware that life can sometimes be unfair and that sometimes feeling weak or that they have failed is not a terrible thing but will make them more rounded adults who will understand others and empathise with how they feel.

I completely agree

I like dr Seuss.
The story about the creatures with stars on their bellies, and the few who didn't have stars.
I need to brush up my reading, i think.

I have taught a few children who struggled with reading, but turned the corner when introduced to Dr Seuss.
I (and those children) owe him a huge thank you .

I don’t know anyone without any issues or problems. That is real life. Very wealthy people have their issues as do lower income people. Life is definitely easier with money to see us through.

Nah cossy,it sounds like your complainin' without saying so.....

I hope you are ok Cossy, life is cerainly more of a struggle for some of us, but you're right, having a sense of humour helps and it's an armour of sorts.I guess that the people who 'Have it all' never really feel like they have it all, so that's a comfort

Bossy gor me my friends are the most important. I am a glass half full person and try to make the best of things. My family have caused some if my lowest points and friends have been the ones who have stood by me throughout. I have had goid fortune and bad but as I tell my DH everyday we are fortunate and despite the aches, pains, medical help required we still have a good life. Its the unfairness of the system for older folks thats gets my goat but thats a whole other thread 😉

How true, life is not fair but I am so lucky, lovely caring family, roof over my head, food in the cupboard and fairly good health. My life is better than most,
no bombing or killing!

My glass s always half full despite the stuff I have experienced in the past! I feel very grateful for all I have achieved plus for my daughter and my friends! I think you get out what you put in ! Have a sunny day !

A lovely post Cossy. I have been very fortunate in many ways but in others where I haven't, I recognise that I made the wrong decisions particularly in relationships. However, my family is happy, healthy and we are there for each other. How many of us would have chosen different paths in life where we were offered choices I wonder.

Always count your blessings before grumbling.

I try to seek the positives.
I moved into a new home 3 weeks ago, had a terrible fall a week ago. Badly whacked my back on a stone plant pot and the momentum flipped me over. I broke my left knee and my right arm.

The positive is that I didn’t break my back! And my daughter lives close, she came immediately when I rang her. My grandson had to climb the gate to let her in.

The ambulance came quickly (positive) and I discharged myself after 3 days as the hospital wasn’t helping (treated me like a seven year old - I’m 70)!

I refused carers as I have a good family (positive), I have to do more for myself which makes me move. This will help to speed my recovery (positive).

I’m sitting in my conservatory pretending I’m convalescing somewhere posh. I’m getting lots of vitamin D to help with my recovery (positive) and I’m sleeping well in my own bed (positive)!

When it’s a struggle, I remind myself that some people have to do this for the rest of their lives. I should be walking again after 4-6 weeks! (Positive)!

Be grateful for small mercies.

This is a lovely post - it brought to mind the poem “To each is given a bag of tools, an hour glass and a book of rules etc”.

I am in a similar situation- a precious child with stage 4 cancer plus a family of very young children who are unconscious of the way their lives will change. I wish my husband and I ( late 70’s early 80’s) hadn’t been Late Breeders! We might have been more use to them in the future. Yet, I side with Cossy. My child had been a joy and a blessing to me. We love each other - that is never in doubt. People have gone through this vale of tears before us . We enjoy this fleeting life as much as we can. The illness has taken so much already that we cannot allow it to rob us of everything! Off to have fun now, on my child’s birthday- and not looking too far ahead.Wishing you all well x

I started a diary a couple of years back in which I try to focus on the positive things in my life for which I feel grateful. It is a good way to focus on the great good fortune of being alive even if in pain and discomfort sometimes. Looking back there have been the odd few times when the bad outweighed the good but not for long.

David49

Often its poor health or disability that prevents taking advantage of opportunities, long term or short term that affects a large number of people. Another is relationship breakdown, also some given the choice of 2 options always choose the wrong one

Yes indeed. In retrospect many of my choices when faced with 2+ appear to have been wrong, but then again hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Kate1949

The fact that there is always someone worse off doesn't make your problems any easier necessarily.

Bingo! It can make them worse. Because you feel ungrateful and unworthy.

Some years ago, when doing supply teaching, I decided to encourage some philosophical thinking with a class of eleven year olds. The title of the lesson was It’s Nae Fair. ( I’m in Scotland). I said that it was very common to hear people saying, “ It’s nae fair “. We discussed what they thought not fair meant, then we went on to list their thoughts or experiences of what they felt wasn’t fair. The majority of examples were minor, but one or two were more serious, and I added other scenarios, some more serious than others. We divided them into ‘ big and little nae fairs’. I wanted them to see how much more concerning some were than others. We discussed how some situations were more difficult than others, and how we could handle some of the issues, though it wouldn’t always be possible to make them go away. It was a very interesting topic. On a lighthearted note, I said that I often thought, when I saw the weather forecast on TV, that it wasn’t fair that it was always so cool where we lived, compared to the rest of the country, but there wasn’t anything that I could do about it. One bright spark told me that I could move to somewhere warmer! I hope that it struck home that life wouldn’t always feel fair, but that it sometimes could be worse, and that we can try to cope with it.

Well said Cossy! 🌺💐🌺

Life isn't fair but I'd rather have the life I have than many others. I'm disabled and have relied on benefits for the last several years, this will continue until I die. But I have those benefits so at least I have a home and food, I have the nhs to treat me, without it I would have died 3 weeks ago, I have access to healthy food, home visits from nurses and access to my gp.

How many countries don't have any of that? So while I do think life isn't fair I also think it's a lot fairer for us than many people in the world and I'm grateful for that.