More jokes needed!

A man is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He's rather aback and can't place her.

"Do I know you?" he asks".
"I think you're the father of one of my kids," she says.

He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has been unfaithful to his wife.

"Wow," he sats. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.:

"No," she says. "I think I'm your son's maths teacher."

I like it - but it will probably be better to keep them all on the existing 'This made me laugh' page.

Liked that one, when!!

How about repeating it?

This really happened in Kings Cross a friend of DD was approached by an Australian chap asking (imagine the Auzzie accent)

'Can you tell me the way to Loograbaroga'

Sorry where did you want to go, the Australian replied ' Loograbaroga'

Sorry I am not sure where you are wanting to go, so the Australian took out a piece of paper with

LOUGHBROUGH written on it.
I will never think of it as Loughbrough again!

A radio request programme played a tune for someone in "Bee-arse-den" normally known as Bearsden.

Aren't there a lot of comments and s in with the 730 though?

Of course, in Orstraya they have names like 'Loograbaroga' - e.g., Woolloomooloo, Barangaroo and so on... even King's Cross...

Have you had all the ones from the Saga forums?

No.

here you are

Sent to me by a Kiwi!!!

A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep
and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck. The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.

He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'

Ha , Ha Ha , great .

JO 4 went on the site but it wouldn"t allow me to further before logged in . shame

Greatnan said to PUT THEM ON THE "this made me laugh thread" TO GET IT UP TO 1000.

Don't you lot pay attention?

But it still won't be 1000 jokes! A lot of the posts are comments....

(No, Elegran, I don't think some of them do! )

Anyone who has told a class of thirty that tomorrow we will be doing X and everyone will need Y knows just how many of them will claim not to have heard anything at all about it.

Elegran

Spotted in the Parish Magazine:

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. When the flowers arrived at the new business site, the owner read the card in horror - "Rest in Peace".

The owner rang the florist to report the obvious mistake, and added how angry he was. The florist replied calmly, "Sir, I am really sorry for this mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this, somewhere there is a funeral taking place today and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location".

Oo.....don't say I told anyone what to do - I just suggested we keep all our jokes together. You will be getting me in trouble.

I think its a good idea to keep all the jokes together but I couldn't find the "This made me laugh" page. Maybe I didn't look in the right place.

It disappeared for a while.

nonu you only have to log in to that site if you want to post something. You can read the jokes without being registered. Just click on the blue titles.

If you type 'This made me....' in the white oblong box at the top right hand corner of the home page, then click the red box to the right of it, you will get the thread.