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I am contemplating ways to kill Grampy...... input welcome !!

(130 Posts)
NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 16:51:02

Today, we were watching Lorraine and one of the Loose Women was on ( I forget her name) talking about divorce and not wasting your life.

I cant remember exactly what I said - something like 'I can't bear this whining woman, turn it off if you're not watching'?

To which Grampy replied ' You've gotten bitter since you turned 60 , you can have your point of view but I don't have to hear it !'

When I told him I was hurt ( I'm almost positive I'm not bitter about anything or anyone and certainly not since my birthday ) he laughed. Waited a touch too long and then said 'sorry'.

Not on his knees !

Not sorry at all .....

I have decided after 40 years if a) he has not learned to tune me out
b) I cant say what I like without fear of favour to him

he has to go !

Choices available to me :

Under the patio
Under the car
A 'trip' down the stairs
Drain cleaner in his dinner.

Any advice gratefully received !!

f77ms Tue 10-Jan-17 16:54:21

My Mum threatened my Father with marbles on the stairs , she thought no one would find out as she could blame the kids !

Lona Tue 10-Jan-17 16:55:02

Ooh definitely under the car with your eyes closed then you " never saw him"! ๐Ÿ˜‡
If not, then a trip at the top of the stairs but do film it on your phone so you can put it on social media afterwards.๐Ÿ™„

aggie Tue 10-Jan-17 16:57:38

Starve him , no supper !!

Christinefrance Tue 10-Jan-17 17:00:27

I will come round and cook him a meal, that will definitely do it grin

Ana Tue 10-Jan-17 17:01:44

And if he uses words like 'gotten' again, threaten to wash his mouth out with soap and water!

Rinouchka Tue 10-Jan-17 17:08:49

Chilli in his tea!

Jalima Tue 10-Jan-17 17:15:10

I used to ask my mum why she used dad's flannel and Vim to vigorously clean the bath. She used to say it was because dad's flannel needed a good wash from time to time.
Now I realise it was when she was very annoyed with him and it made her feel better. I'm not sure how well she rinsed it.

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 17:15:17

Lona that made me laugh out loud about social media !!

But the marbles might be the way to you think it would work as well with dinky cars f77ms?

SadlyAggie he is quite substantial it would take more than one supper !! He is currently at our daughters where she is pandering feeding him his favourite meal !

Granarchist Tue 10-Jan-17 17:19:36

When DH rammed his wellingtons on top of the chocolate roulade I had carefully placed in car as contribution to Christmas supper with new outlaws - what would you have done? I must have told him a dozen times exactly where it was in the car so as not to damage it - and it took hrs for him to stop laughing and apologise. I was in tears. I had gone to so much trouble. He still think I am being over sensitive about it.

Ana Tue 10-Jan-17 17:22:36

Oh, that was really horrible of him Granarchist - the laughing. Why on earth did he think it was funny? hmm

kittylester Tue 10-Jan-17 17:23:17

You got him to man up for the babysitting then or, just maybe, he realised that discretion is the better part of valour! grin

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 17:23:35

I feel your pain Granarchist .

Grampy saw no need to apologise so did so with bad grace and yet I was truly hurt and I'm a tough old bird so I can imagine how you felt about your lovely roulade !!

We once had a much cherished ragdoll cat called Evil Noodle ( don't ask smile) . Grampy found cause to shout at him for some imagined slight.

The next morning as he slipped his shoe on and found a lovely squishy cat poo inside I imagine he felt rather differently .

To this day , the vision of the cat manoeuvring his little cat bottom carefully in just the right position and exacting vengeance brings a smile to my face !!

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 17:24:43

Kitty he was obliged as we neither wanted to let our daughter down but I truly believe a day of the cold shoulder made him decide discretion was the better part of valour smile

Granarchist Tue 10-Jan-17 17:31:23

I think TBH he was embarrassed in front of DD and sIL and tried to laugh it off. I did not laugh. I had gone to so much trouble and told him over and over where it was - he has never apologised for anything in 45 yrs, not unless I absolutely insist. I give up.

rockgran Tue 10-Jan-17 17:42:11

Mine drives me to thoughts of murder on a daily basis - haven't resorted yet. I do keep a notebook of things that really annoy me so that I can get it off my chest without starting a war. If I didn't I would explode and no good would come of it! (When he's not driving me potty he's quite nice. smile)

Cunco Tue 10-Jan-17 18:11:32

My wife has always threatened ground glass in my coffee. When I gave up sugar in the Great Sugar Shortage of 1970 [?] it became more difficult and since I now do most of the cooking, it is nigh on impossible.

We have always argued and now we even argue about things we agree about. We sometimes compare notes with other couples and bickering seems to go with the territory.

I admit to being grumpier. It may be a man thing but, let's be fair, it is not always the man's fault, even though many believe the man's place is in the wrong.

Galen Tue 10-Jan-17 18:19:12

Try an electric toaster perched on the window ledge above the bath.
When he's in it accidentally switch it on push it in.
While he's in the bath, grab his ankles and pull hard. He should go under water and drown. ( the brides in the bath technique)

Wobblybits Tue 10-Jan-17 18:19:51

Is this a new low for GN, "How to murder your husband" ?

I can feel a new thread coming on "10 ways to murder the old bat"

FarNorth Tue 10-Jan-17 18:22:59

It's in his job description that he has to hear your point of view, bitter or not. Maybe it was a feeble attempt at a joke?

Granarchist that was awful, especially if he only laughed! I'm not surprised if you are still fine tuning your revenge plan.

NanaandGrampy Tue 10-Jan-17 18:35:48

I'm sure you're right Farnorth and generally we rub along well .

No it would be a new low Wobblybits if I started a thread entitled .... places to hide a body smile

sunseeker Tue 10-Jan-17 18:39:01

Make a sharp icicle, stab him with it, let the evidence melt away - ask GNHQ to delete this thread grin (I'm sure he's lovely really!)

tiggypiro Tue 10-Jan-17 18:39:11

Take him to the vet - one little prick with the stuff they gave my pony ................. ! You could always dress him up in a horse fancy dress costume so the vet wouldn't notice it was Grampy.

shysal Tue 10-Jan-17 18:43:21

Secretly clean the toilet with his tooth brush. It might not kill him but he will be puzzled when you snigger while he brushes his teeth! grin

ginny Tue 10-Jan-17 18:46:19

It's just been Christmas and DH has a birthday in early February. He can never think of any thing that he would like as gifts for either. However around now he will always turn up with something he really had to have right now. This evening is his chosen day this year.

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