Gransnet forums

My good lady wife......nooooo!!

(141 Posts)
Katek Tue 13-Feb-18 09:40:37

Can GNetters help me explain to DH why this expression isn’t really acceptable? I either feel like the wife of the golf club captain, or Boycie’s wife Marlene in Only Fools and Horses! He says it’s just me ......I don’t think so. Or am I totally wrong??

Luckygirl Tue 13-Feb-18 09:52:04

I suppose it depends on the motive.

janeainsworth Tue 13-Feb-18 09:54:20

Which bit of ‘my good lady wife’ do you object to specifically katek?
Identifying that might help you to work out why you object to it.
Or is it the general patronising tone and the image it evokes of the golf club captain whose wife stays in the background organising everything while he gets the credit?

MissAdventure Tue 13-Feb-18 09:55:32

grin It definitely has shades of 'Only fools and horses'.

Katek Tue 13-Feb-18 09:58:15

It’s the general patronising tone I think-ranks alongside ‘the little woman’ or ‘the girls’ in my head. I don’t need my head patted.

Baggs Tue 13-Feb-18 10:17:10

Have you tried referring to him or introducing him as “my good gentleman husband”?

My dad used to introduce me as “Honourable First Daughter”. It never occurred to me to feel patronised. Daftnesses (nearly wrote dadnesses) like that we’re just part of the good, clever, always friendly, daft man was

Cabbie21 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:38:11

Much better than “ the wife”.

Parsleywin Tue 13-Feb-18 10:48:16

Kate, I'm squirming with you! I think it's a patronising and old fashioned term. A simple "my wife, Kate" sounds so much nicer to me.

Fennel Tue 13-Feb-18 10:48:34

My husband calls me "our lass" when talking to others. I think it's a Yorkshire expression. Or maybe from Andy Capp.
I don't know whether to be offended or not.
I call him "my 'usband" like Pam Ayres - they should have asked my 'usband.

Katek Tue 13-Feb-18 10:48:43

Ah, that was your dad Baggs, different relationship, plus his saying is actually very complimentary as well as being sweet and funny. Sounds a lovely man.

My good lady wife is (to me) very patronising and puts me in the clubhouse making tea! Or, as someone once said to me? “the girls can colour in the posters!” DH also still talks about the ladies in the office....

BBbevan Tue 13-Feb-18 11:14:00

A very patronising phrase and old fashioned too. I also would hate to be introduced as ' my partner' as I am a wife Not that DH would ever do so.

Blinko Tue 13-Feb-18 11:22:34

Isn't it sometimes ( or most times) used ironically? As a joke, surely?

cavewoman Tue 13-Feb-18 11:51:53

My present OH introduces me as his "future wife"
Haha-No way!

Katek Have you actually asked him not to address you this way?

carol58 Tue 13-Feb-18 12:00:19

Does he introduce you this way or is it a term he uses in conversation? Does he say it in a patronising manner? I don't think I'd like to be talked about in that way, although your husband is just maybe a very old fashioned person? I do seem to remember the older (than me at the time!) generation using the term years ago and not necessarily in a patronising way. My darling /dear/ lovely wife would be much nicer in my opinion. Failing that, just 'my wife' or your name.

merlotgran Tue 13-Feb-18 12:02:53

I get called the Ayatollah! 😐

eazybee Tue 13-Feb-18 12:28:49

Personally, I can't bear 'my hubby', in any context.

Iam64 Tue 13-Feb-18 12:33:06

I wouldn’t mind my dad introducing me as honourable first daughter, in fact he’d call me ‘number one daughter’. I’d not accept being called ‘my good lady wife’ because it does seem very 1950’s, patronising and rather golf club snobbish. Sincere apologies to non snobby golfers, no offence meant (as a man may say to a woman he just patronised)

midgey Tue 13-Feb-18 12:40:01

I prefer ‘her indoors’ to good lady wife...has he got a bad one?

Smithy Tue 13-Feb-18 12:59:56

Merlotgran - that's what my dad used to call my mum, in fun of course.

merlotgran Tue 13-Feb-18 13:06:17

Smithy, I also get called, 'The missus', 'The old trout,' 'Boss lady,' and 'My love, my dove, my treasure' when he wants something.

He'd probably call me 'Er indoors' as well but I'm usually outdoors. grin

Not today though. It's flippin' freezing.

TerriBull Tue 13-Feb-18 13:09:32

You could always introduce him as my present or current husband, I do that sometimes it raises a chortle grin My husband does belong to a golf club but he never uses that sort of out dated termanology.

TerriBull Tue 13-Feb-18 13:12:02

He does call me "The boss" though as in "i'll just run that past the boss", I don't know why, we tend to reach decisions by mutual agreement.

Katek Tue 13-Feb-18 13:51:13

I’ve also been known as ‘she who mud be obeyed’......shades of Rumpole! I don’t know why he can’t just call me by my name-think I may adopt the ‘current’ or ‘present’ husband tactic. When in Rome..........

Katek Tue 13-Feb-18 13:51:41

Mud?? Must

Jalima1108 Tue 13-Feb-18 13:54:55

'The present Mr Kate' sounds quite good to me!

I dislike 'The wife' - it reduces the OH to the status of 'The Dog'.
I am sometimes referred to as 'Her Indoors' even when we're out confused.