Loneliness in the news again

I don't think that loneliness is fully understood. If you live alone, are not very mobile and like me don't drive, these groups are not accessible. Also loneliness is not only about being alone but having no one in your life to love and care for you and for you to care for back. It is not a tangible thing but a feeling of having no purpose from day to day.
I suppose that I am still going through the grieving process even though my husband has been gone for 2yrs. I can be in someone's company but still feel lonely as soon as I walk back into my own home. I have lots of craft hobbies but then want someone to share them with so lose my motivation.
So hard to explain only to repeat that it is more than being alone. I have family who have their own families but none live near me. Even if they did, their families must and do come first. The feeling of loneliness is something that has to be battled. I know that some lonely people would give anything to talk to someone else as they see no one from day to day and this must be awful.
I am hoping to find a couple of people who are alone for Christmas and who live near me to join me for Christmas dinner. Hopefully the feeling that they are wanted will make such a difference at what will be an extra lonely time.

June, you have put your feelings across very well.
I do hope you find someone to share Christmas with. You could come to us but we’re heading north and you probably live miles away anyway.
I don’t think it’s the governments role to stop us being lonely. There are so many organisations out there, the church for example, that should be doing more. I am involved with the local church, just keeping it open really.
Whenever we have a fund raising event I let it be known, in the village newsletter, that if anyone needs a lift to get there to give me a ring. No one has ever rung me so I presume that we don’t have any lonely people here.
I will say that our incumbent does very little in the way of community relationships.
There are quite a few things going on in our local town and there is an age concern bus that provides a means of transport. That, of course is only for the elderly.
There are lots of groups and clubs that welcome new members but it’s up to the lonely people to turn up and that’s too difficult for some.
When I was at college in London,many years ago, I belonged to a group called Task force.
We were paired up with an older person and would visit regularly and take them shopping etc. I hope we both got something out of it but, looking back, I have a mental image of her with her stick and me with my yellow hot pants and matching over the knee socks.? we had fun.

June you so eloquently put my own thoughts into words - especially the part about being with people and the feeling of loneliness returning as soon as you return home. The advice about joining groups is all very well - if there are any near you, in my case there aren't. Believe me I have tried to find them.

Not everyone who's alone is lonely, loneliness is a state of mind which people sink into and seem unable to help themselves out of. Giving a lonely person a list of clubs is unlikely to help them at all. I guess the reason it falls on the GP is that the GP is the only person that lonely people are likely to reach out to. Even then they may not mention loneliness just keep turning up with random complaints all the time. GP's so often have to play detective in so many cases but who else will come into regular contact with lonely people?

In this area there is a scheme called Befriended where volunteers regularly visit someone who is lonely or housebound and chats with them or takes them out . I recently went to their anniversary party ( purely by chance as I was visiting a friend who is connected to the scheme) and about 100 volunteers and visitees had a wonderful time with afternoon tea, a dance exhibition, music and a fire eater!

I don’t see any problems with gp’s identifying it as a mental health problem in their patients or signposting them to access helpful schemes but is it the NHS responsibility to pay for these activities when it is practically on its knees with the medical health of the nation

I can’t see this government funding groups and classes for the lonely! it’s hard enough to access counselling services these days, and the waiting lists are ridiculously long. in my area it’s at least 12 weeks.

Am I missing something? If these social groups are within striking distance of a lonely patient already then how is a prescription going to make it easier for said person to walk into a club or class on their own?
Being lonely is often not because there are not places out there where folk of various ages can get together..though closure of youth services/ children centres does not help. It is more to do with the personality of the person who is lonely.

Well all I can see PECS is if there is a charge for the dance class or water colour group the prescription will pay for it That’s how I read it but maybe I m wrong

And a persons health PECS

There are so many very lonely people - many of whom are elderly/disabled, perhaps haven't got a family, or have a family but never see them.

I worked in the care sector for 22 years and saw this, time and again.

For the last 15 months, I've been the Manager of 2 very friendly day centres for elderly people, and the people who turn up every week love it. We have a home-cooked (fresh, on the premises) lunch and pudding, hot drinks, cakes in the afternoon, and varied entertainment every week - guitarists, magicians, craft sessions, local bands, even a ventriloquist one week, and a harpist. Bingo once every 2 months. I buy lovely birthday presents for each person, we sing Happy Birthday, bake the person a cake. We have a minibus with a wheelchair lift, and it collects people, takes them home later. I have even employed a carer, to help people with toileting. All that for £12 per day!
Christmas is especially nice - "Santa" gives everyone a gift, we have a choir to sing for us, the place is decorated up, and the Christmas dinner with wine or beer is free!

Why then, aren't people coming?! Over the past 8 months, several people have died/gone into care homes/been too unwell to continue coming. I've advertised by flyers in doors, in shops/surgeries/libraries etc. Even in local newspapers and magazines, Facebook, etc.

There are so many lonely and isolated people around, but still, they won't take that 1st step to join anything! I can't understand how some people can say they're lonely and don't go anywhere but won't make the effort to go to their front door, get on our minibus, and have a lovely day with is. It doesn't make sense.

Yes of course annie health and mobility are tough to manage too. I have an aunt who is 94 lived on her own and can only go out and about if someone takes her , or by taxi. I am about 40 minutes away.
She now has a live in companion..a young woman in her 20s through a 'care and share' scheme. This scheme offers a bedsit in return for some light housework and shopping. It is a new venture for my aunt so will let you know how she gets on!

The two dance classes I attend every week are a lifeline for me after DH's stroke. However, they are held in church/village halls and need a car to get to. Our lovely instructor has to pay considerable booking fees and sometimes with holidays and granny duties ( yes, many of us are) means that she runs the class at a loss.
Also newcomers have to be brave enough to accept a bedding in period of a few weeks dance step wise. We always try to be friendly and encouraging.
If you are lonely and lacking in confidence that must appear a bit of a mountain to climb.
Even if the class gets paid for, getting to the venue may be even more of a problem.

Lynne Same aunt as in above post was collected by the community bus to go to the day centre on recommendation of her GP.. she might be 94 but mentally she is still in her prime! It was the day centre manager who could see my aunt would be lonelier spending an afternoon there with folk who were not as 'with it' as my aunt and said she did not think it was the right place for her but she could come as a helper!

PECS, I do hope it works out for your Aunt and her companion .

Lynne, it does make sense , fear of meeting strangers , uncomfortable being organised, shy, depressed, if been lonely for some time may find the company of more than one or two people too much

Anniebach.... yes, I see that. I have depression and anxiety (for which I have medication - nobody would guess as I hide my true self well). The 1st step for anything - school, new job, slimming club, dance lessons, etc., etc., can be daunting - but once a person has taken the 1st step, it gets easier.

I take into account all those things you say about some people not feeling able to mix with a lot of others, and the day centres I run have tables of 5 people on each because of that. I sit with each new person for a short time, introduce them to the more quiet members of the group, and ease them in gently.

I think it's a terrible shame that so many people sit looking at the tv all day, with nobody to talk to, nothing to do, when there are places like my day centres.

Ah well, I'll keep trying....

I hope you find people who would love to be there Lynne, don’t give up x

Thanks Anniebach x

Discussion on Radio 4. Lonliness . Cheers one up. If lonely more at risk of so many illnesses .

I am working for a new projectv IMPACTAgewell®( Funded by Dunhill Medical Trust) that supports vulnerable older people to stay healthy , active and connected in their own homes for as long as possible. We work on an ongoing basis as a team with the GP, Pharmacist, Health Trust and community groups to link them in to the support they feel they need/ want and are interested in . In addition ( and very importantly) we offer financial support to the group for the first 3 times a person attends a community group / activity as we know they desperately need the money to keep going . Social prescriptions are a good idea to reconnect but not if the groups are not supported to deal with the increase on demand.

Firstly try Age UK ,who have people who will visit for free I did a lot of voluntary work for one of their branches showing people how to use Pcs, tablets, digi, cameras etc
I think society has changed a lot ,the caring is not there by many of the younger generations.
many are in their own world.
most retired people I speak to with grand children ,I should say younger adults ,do not have a great deal of contact like it used to be be.
politicians don't understand whats required?
so give Age UK a try it may help you.

It is difficult for the lonely to access groups and clubs while our public transport continues to be decimated. I know that some kind car drivers are happy to give lifts but they wait for non drivers to ask. This is not easy for someone who is already marginalised. So much easier if a driver says What time would you like me to pick you up.

Lynne - have you mentioned that you have plenty of spaces at your day care centres to your local GP’s? I think they might bite your hand off and you’d quickly find numbers going up when other health care professionals also found out about it.

I'm pretty appalled by the idea being floated that Posties should be encouraged to keep an eye on people living on their own - snooping, in other words.

I value beyond any amount of money my independence and those times when being solitary is just sheer peace and bliss.

I do not want a paid nosey-parker from Royal Mail asking if I'm alright, feeling well, done anything interesting today, had a proper breakfast, seen the doctor recently, etc, etc, etc. As the Postie round our way seems to change from week to week (and around Xmas they're a rabble of temporary odd and sods) I wouldn't feel at all safe or secure.

In the past my GP sent a Social Worker to make sure I was "getting on OK" after a fairly routine illness. I had to send her packing, pronto, when I caught her going through various drawers supposedly "just looking for your next of kin....."

Nosey idiot!