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Never thought this sort of thing would bother me - but grandchild prefers other Nan to me.

(103 Posts)
Kandinsky Wed 02-Dec-20 10:44:37

I do everything I can to make her happy, always happy to see her etc etc, she sees other Nan same amount of time as she sees me so it’s not a ‘spends more time’ issue.
She just prefers her to me?
4 years old so actually says things like ‘ I want to go to other Nanny’s’ ‘ if I baby sit for example.
Anyone else experienced this?
I will obviously just ignore it & carry on as before, but it does kind of hurt a bit.

Moonlight113 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:13:37

Oh God, that must hurt so much.

Is she your son's or daughter's child? I think kids can be genetically predisposed toards one set of grandparents than the other. One of my two GSs seemed to prefer me, the other one definitely veered more towards other gran. (Think it's evened up now they're older)The one who preferred me looks like my side of the family, the other one takes after his dad's side. Not sure you can do much about it tbh. It will probably change as she gets older. flowers

Moonlight113 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:15:29

(I would say, make sure you giver her the best Xmas present, but I would probably be slated on here 😅)

B9exchange Wed 02-Dec-20 12:18:51

I think children naturally gravitate towards their mother's mother rather than their father's mother, not sure if that applies in your case. But as others have said it is just a phase. Remember how hurtful it was when your baby didn't want to go to your husband, they grow out of it!

Gwenisgreat1 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:20:56

I'm lucky about my GS - his other does not know about him!! His dad is a strange bloke, no wonder my DD and he separated before DG was born. I do feel sad for her, no idea what she is like or anything

Jaxjacky Wed 02-Dec-20 12:23:37

She may well say similar things to the other Nan, children are pretty clever, especially if they get a reaction!

paddyanne Wed 02-Dec-20 12:25:59

my GD has other GP's who live 500 miles away ,she only sees them 3 times a year. I had her half days since she was 3 weeks old,When she was 3 ish she told me "you do know you're not my favourite Granny ,dont know?" I thought it was hilarious but her dad the son of the favourite granny was so annoyed at her and wanted her to say sorry.
I certainly wasn't hurt by it or surprised ,children will have favourites and just because you're not it for now doesn't mean it will always be that way .My GD and I get on great and she's always delighted to come visit (pre covid) and calls me or msgs me regularlyPlease dont make a drama out of a simple thing a child says ,just enjoy her .

anna7 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:31:45

I wouldn't worry . She may well be saying the same thing to her other grandma. Children can be good at playing adults off against each other even if inadvertently. She is still only a baby really. Maybe you are trying too hard and your little granddaughter senses it.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:34:35

It must be hurtful but remember that your little GC is too young to have learned diplomacy. I remember that I liked one grandma better than the other. GM 'round the corner' was very Victorian and strict whereas GM 'two bus rides away' didn't see us so often and made more of a fuss of us so naturally we liked her more.

Toadinthehole Wed 02-Dec-20 12:38:28

That sounds hard 😢, but I think it’s like most things Kadinsky, ‘ flavour of the month’ things always change, especially with kids. Like something one minute, and not the next. She’s only four. Please don’t read too much into it. It could all be reversed this time next year. Just enjoy what you have, and don’t over indulge her. Just be normal.💐

sodapop Wed 02-Dec-20 12:39:00

It does hurt when your grandchild says something like that Kandinsky no matter what your sensible head tells you. Other posters are right children do go through these phases and they are best ignored. Carry on as usual don't try too hard and don't spoil her.
Hope things get back to normal soon.

Redhead56 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:39:28

I have three grandchildren first are twin girls I helped my daughter in law with their upbringing for over two years. I know they love me as they are affectionate but they do seem even closer to their other gran.
My other granddaughter has hardly seen us because of COVID but our daughter does What’s app everyday. When she has seen us she warms to me quite quickly. I don’t think it’s personal it’s just the way children are they say things they don’t mean for a reaction.

Granny23 Wed 02-Dec-20 12:55:50

My GS, when he was 4, told me, with hugs and Kisses, that I was his bestest favourite Granny. Although I was quite chuffed I immediately told him that this was unfair to his other Granny, who loved him just as much as I did.

His response? He assured me that he had told his other Granny that SHE was his favourite, so as not to hurt her feelings grin

sodapop Wed 02-Dec-20 13:08:26

Love it Granny23 grin the boy is a real diplomat.

QuaintIrene Wed 02-Dec-20 13:27:56

I know that my GC prefer the other Grans to me. One has a massive garden with swings and a treehouse. Also a dining room where they can eat.
The other has a farm. Quad bikes and ponies to ride.
So, I get why they whinged to go to the other Grans within minutes of being at mine. There isn’t even room for everyone to sit. As they’re a bit older, not so much I think I must have looked a bit put out once, but haven’t seen them since last Christmas.
It’s hard not to be upset.
Actually, I am jealous 🥺

Hithere Wed 02-Dec-20 13:29:38

She could be saying the same to the other grandma.

Is the other grandma more compatible personality wise?
Does she do anything that she loves to do?

My 5 year old plays favourites all the time - with best friends, mum and dad, clothes, toys, etc.

It is not personal - you still get to see and play with your gc, that is the mist important thing.

It is dangerous to make to make it a competition and to do everything to make gc happy and make you number 1.

She may say that so you do all she wants and what her other grandmother doesnt do?

kircubbin2000 Wed 02-Dec-20 13:31:01

Children can be funny but I was a bit offended when the 4 year old asked me if I was pregnant!

Daddima Wed 02-Dec-20 13:35:43

I see you’ve said that you do everything you can to make her happy, but could it be a bit overwhelming for her? She may prefer a bit of space, if you’re maybe trying too hard.
I know that my mother was a more ‘everyday’ gran, whereas the Bodach’s mother was very overpowering.

LauraNorder Wed 02-Dec-20 13:39:20

Flavour of the month stuff with four year olds. Shouldn’t worry.
Also different strokes.
I‘ve probably been second place when they were small, I am more serious than other Grans although capable of make believe, crafting and fun but have noticed as they’ve got older they come to me for answers, for advice and for in depth discussion. I definitely feel as though I’ve moved up the favourite table.

Firecracker123 Wed 02-Dec-20 15:19:39

Perhaps her other Nan does more fun things with her, plays games and buys her treats etc. Obviously if this is the case a little girl of 4 would prefer her. Try and find some fun things you can do together doesn't have to cost a lot of money.

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 02-Dec-20 16:41:35

Just be yourself, don’t’ try’. She’s 4 years old. You sound like you care. That’s what she’ll pick up on. Your love is the most precious commodity.

fevertree Wed 02-Dec-20 16:47:12

My 6 year old grandson when he got out the car said to me "Oh, it's you". I replied "Who did you think you were visiting?" He said "Granny So-and-So" (his other gran). It just made me laugh and I still chuckle when I think about it. I must be thick skinned, it doesn't bother me one bit, I know he likes it at my house too. I think I probably said "Well, tough, you've got me today". Children have no filters. They are just so funny!

Maggiemaybe Wed 02-Dec-20 17:03:08

When the children presented their “Best Grandparents” cards at a school Grandparents’ Day event we went to, it was obvious from DGS1’s face and from his drawing of a curly haired gran and bald grandad that he didn’t mean us! The following year DGS3 presented his “Best Grandparent” certificate to DH, so I’m getting closer. grin

Don’t let it bother you, Kandinsky. They’re a fickle bunch and sometimes just blurt out whatever comes into their heads first (or when they’re younger, simply prefer the one who gives them most sweets). Don’t whatever you do compete. You sound like a lovely grandma.

Maggiemaybe Wed 02-Dec-20 17:06:29

Though I have just remembered that when DGS1 compiled a list of “world changers” in Year 1, I was on it. Me, Pink, Spider-Man, Coldplay man and the Queen.

Dinahmo Wed 02-Dec-20 17:51:17

Gwenisgreat1

I'm lucky about my GS - his other does not know about him!! His dad is a strange bloke, no wonder my DD and he separated before DG was born. I do feel sad for her, no idea what she is like or anything

I think it's a little unfair (without knowing the circumstances) that the other grandparent(s) don't know about their GS.

41 years ago my sister had a daughter, my lovely niece. The father wasn't in the picture at all. He said things like "I'll pay for her to go to uni". I don't think he ever saw her. I don't know if he was married with a family. I didn't feel able to have that conversation with my sister as we weren't getting on at that time.

My parents, father in particular, got a lot of joy from her being there. Sadly he died when she was 3 and about the same time my mother developed Alzheimers so the child effectively had no grandparents. I remember thinking quite strongly that the other GPs were missing out on a delightful little girl and I also felt sorry for my niece since I had had a good relationship with my own GPs.

So, maybe you could spare a thought for those other GPs.