A detective story (wih as many as we can manage)

There on the edge of the waves was Lieutenant Columbo with his trusty sidekick the beige raincoat. Columbo reached in to the pocket of the beige raincoat for his notebook and pen, just then a strong gust of wind tore the notebook from his hand as the beige raincoat batted it across the sands towards…

Towards Miss Marple, who was bent sideways in the breeze, but was still spry enough to bend and grab the notebook.
‘ Here you are’ she said, handing it back to Columbo ‘ I spotted a nice little tea shop on the esplanade, shall we join forces and compare notes?’ ‘Yes Ma’am’ he replied ‘ but what about that
Floating.....

Unicorn wearing a policeman’s helmet, sweet Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey it’s time to call in Steve Arnott, I’ll just ask Vera where she put my mobile phone, oh no, someone is bundling Vera in to a white van flying a flag of St George, quick get the licence plate it’s BL…

..OODY cold on this prom.

Ah, but there's a rather dashing Chappie in a great coat playing the violin. Bit melancholic for a busker, maybe he has a Doctor with him.

Who could it be?

‘BL....? Just wait a moment if you please, while I find my pinze nez...ah, too late, the van, he ‘as gone!’ Poirot wiped some sand from his spats and Hastings said ‘what bad luck old chap!’
‘Yes,’ agreed Poirot ‘zeze spats were but newly laundered, but come mes amis, let us go to the teashop and plan our next move, it is time for my tissane!’
Entering Betty’s teashop they were met by the strange sight of..

Aha said Poirot, I think that I have come out of the sink. I need to see a doctor. But who?

Captain Sam Vines of the City Watch, with Sergeant Detritus sitting munching fat rascals. There was an air of bewilderment about them as they looked around, bemused by their surroundings. "I don't think we are in Ank Morpork Sergeant," said Vines, "I wonder where we are, and what's going on, what happened to Carrot?"...

Vimes!

who would have expected to see the Tardis outside Betty’s tea shop.
Suddenly the doors opened and out stepped Endeavour Morse listening to classical music through Jaguar shaped headphones.
The forensic results have come back from the lab. The unicorn was ladt ridden by …

I think we are all coming out of the sink, repeated Poirot, I shall step back and await my turn

The door to the tea shop crashed open and two men rushed in after overturning a couple of tables and smashing a few tea pots one of them exclaimed "Right D.I Jack Regan. You lot are nicked. Now someone better start talking quick or you're all going down"

in the water it looks like a body says Morse has he joined them ,he thoughtfully put his flask in his pocket and hoped they couldn't smell whisky among off his shoes he paddled into the water what he saw shocked him----

A figure stepped out of the shadows, where he had been lurking as many do behind the cake trolley.
Allora I come in from my swim, I sit to eat, what is 'appening??

Sorry my post fell out of place somehow

The gentle diners cast worried looks between themselves.
Truly, Beauty meets the Beasts, they thought.
Everyone knew the Met's dislike of foreigners and the rest
Would there be a scene?

No scene from those two as Cormoran Strike lumbers in, sits down and starts to remove his false leg ‘ my stump is f*****g sore, Morse, share that whisky and has anyone seen Robin, she was right behind me?’

The wavs continued to beat on the sand, the Thing in the wtaer bobbing as they passed, and on the horizon was visible a Viking longship (replica) with sail filled. Nearer them a dinghy was drawing into the shore. Out jumped Cass Lynch. She pulled the dinghy up above the waves and turned to them. "I have lost a crew member overboard between Lerwick and Kirkabuster. No sign of him at sea. Have you had any reports of a body?"

....’ Yes darlin’ I’m looking at a fantastic one right now, get your knickers on and make me a cup of tea’ chuckled Gene Hunt, and then let’s get movin’ or Vera will be brown bread before we catch up with her.....fire up the Quattro!

Meanwhile, back at Betty’s tea room, the detectives have discovered a terrible sight in the back room....Betty herself has been skewered on a cake slice ,face down on the fading Turkish rug. ‘Oh I say!’ Cried Hastings, ‘ does this mean we can’t have our afternoon tea?’
‘Zis is no time to be thinking of the stomach Hastings’ reprimanded Poirot, ‘exactly so’ added Holmes ‘ Come! The games afoot’....

Montalbano peered around the door ‘Not to worry’ he murmured ‘all isn’t lost, there is a large Sicilian lemon cake on the counter, so we can eat before we go!’

On the sea shore, a nattily attired old gent approaches, removes his trilby hat and asks ‘ ‘As anyone sen my boy, Terry, he’s supposed to be findin’ out who done in Ari the Bubble?’
George Carter looks up in a troubled way ‘ that could be me I suppose, the name Terry seems to fit me somehow, also’ he added ‘I think I’m working on a cold case, and having an existential crisis’... ‘Shut it’ yelled Regan, ‘you big girls blouse’
And with that they....

scoffed the last of the lemon drizzle and Regan announced "It's like I thought all bloody foreigners North of Watford. Sooner we get back to the smoke the better"
Sherlock lit his pipe and settled into a chair. "This needs some thought Watson"
The door opened and in came a woman. "DI Kate Fleming AC12. "Heard from a CHIS that OCG is active here. I'm the SIO with the MIT. Where's the body?
They pointed to the kitchen but....

"Gawd" said Frost "you lot are bloody useless. How can the body disappear while you are all sitting here?"

"I saw some men carrying a rolled up carpet" said Maigret with his delightful French accent. " should we ask them if they have seen a body?" Frost jumped to his feet.

"Quick you fools let's ........