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A detective story (wih as many as we can manage)

(146 Posts)
trisher Tue 21-Sep-21 11:28:07

A thread about a TV programme made me think there might be a GN story in there. The aim is to introduce as many fictional detectives as we can-any sort of a detective. Only one per post although a sidekick is allowed (Poirot could come with or without Hastings)
I'm starting in Northumberland

It was a bright morning but the wind blowing along the deserted beach was icy cold. Vera turned to her sergeant "Ya see Aiden, pet me da' always said...."
But her words were cut short as they spotted just on the edge of the waves......

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 11:36:05

There on the edge of the waves was Lieutenant Columbo with his trusty sidekick the beige raincoat. Columbo reached in to the pocket of the beige raincoat for his notebook and pen, just then a strong gust of wind tore the notebook from his hand as the beige raincoat batted it across the sands towards…

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 11:42:10

Towards Miss Marple, who was bent sideways in the breeze, but was still spry enough to bend and grab the notebook.
‘ Here you are’ she said, handing it back to Columbo ‘ I spotted a nice little tea shop on the esplanade, shall we join forces and compare notes?’ ‘Yes Ma’am’ he replied ‘ but what about that
Floating.....

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 11:51:51

Unicorn wearing a policeman’s helmet, sweet Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey it’s time to call in Steve Arnott, I’ll just ask Vera where she put my mobile phone, oh no, someone is bundling Vera in to a white van flying a flag of St George, quick get the licence plate it’s BL…

ixion Tue 21-Sep-21 12:01:24

..OODY cold on this prom.

Ah, but there's a rather dashing Chappie in a great coat playing the violin. Bit melancholic for a busker, maybe he has a Doctor with him.

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 12:03:51

Who could it be?

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 12:06:26

‘BL....? Just wait a moment if you please, while I find my pinze nez...ah, too late, the van, he ‘as gone!’ Poirot wiped some sand from his spats and Hastings said ‘what bad luck old chap!’
‘Yes,’ agreed Poirot ‘zeze spats were but newly laundered, but come mes amis, let us go to the teashop and plan our next move, it is time for my tissane!’
Entering Betty’s teashop they were met by the strange sight of..

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 12:20:45

Aha said Poirot, I think that I have come out of the sink. I need to see a doctor. But who?

MiniMoon Tue 21-Sep-21 12:22:13

Captain Sam Vines of the City Watch, with Sergeant Detritus sitting munching fat rascals. There was an air of bewilderment about them as they looked around, bemused by their surroundings. "I don't think we are in Ank Morpork Sergeant," said Vines, "I wonder where we are, and what's going on, what happened to Carrot?"...

MiniMoon Tue 21-Sep-21 12:23:34

Vimes!

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 12:24:18

who would have expected to see the Tardis outside Betty’s tea shop.
Suddenly the doors opened and out stepped Endeavour Morse listening to classical music through Jaguar shaped headphones.
The forensic results have come back from the lab. The unicorn was ladt ridden by …

LauraNorder Tue 21-Sep-21 12:25:40

I think we are all coming out of the sink, repeated Poirot, I shall step back and await my turn

trisher Tue 21-Sep-21 13:31:44

The door to the tea shop crashed open and two men rushed in after overturning a couple of tables and smashing a few tea pots one of them exclaimed "Right D.I Jack Regan. You lot are nicked. Now someone better start talking quick or you're all going down"

hulahoop Tue 21-Sep-21 13:53:34

in the water it looks like a body says Morse has he joined them ,he thoughtfully put his flask in his pocket and hoped they couldn't smell whisky among off his shoes he paddled into the water what he saw shocked him----

ixion Tue 21-Sep-21 13:55:01

A figure stepped out of the shadows, where he had been lurking as many do behind the cake trolley.
Allora I come in from my swim, I sit to eat, what is 'appening?🤷

hulahoop Tue 21-Sep-21 13:55:11

Sorry my post fell out of place somehow

ixion Tue 21-Sep-21 14:05:28

The gentle diners cast worried looks between themselves.
Truly, Beauty meets the Beasts, they thought.
Everyone knew the Met's dislike of foreigners and the rest
Would there be a scene?

Jaxjacky Tue 21-Sep-21 14:12:38

No scene from those two as Cormoran Strike lumbers in, sits down and starts to remove his false leg ‘ my stump is f*****g sore, Morse, share that whisky and has anyone seen Robin, she was right behind me?’

Elegran Tue 21-Sep-21 14:28:43

The wavs continued to beat on the sand, the Thing in the wtaer bobbing as they passed, and on the horizon was visible a Viking longship (replica) with sail filled. Nearer them a dinghy was drawing into the shore. Out jumped Cass Lynch. She pulled the dinghy up above the waves and turned to them. "I have lost a crew member overboard between Lerwick and Kirkabuster. No sign of him at sea. Have you had any reports of a body?"

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 14:43:39

....’ Yes darlin’ I’m looking at a fantastic one right now, get your knickers on and make me a cup of tea’ chuckled Gene Hunt, and then let’s get movin’ or Vera will be brown bread before we catch up with her.....fire up the Quattro!

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 14:48:36

Meanwhile, back at Betty’s tea room, the detectives have discovered a terrible sight in the back room....Betty herself has been skewered on a cake slice ,face down on the fading Turkish rug. ‘Oh I say!’ Cried Hastings, ‘ does this mean we can’t have our afternoon tea?’
‘Zis is no time to be thinking of the stomach Hastings’ reprimanded Poirot, ‘exactly so’ added Holmes ‘ Come! The games afoot’....

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 14:51:33

Montalbano peered around the door ‘Not to worry’ he murmured ‘all isn’t lost, there is a large Sicilian lemon cake on the counter, so we can eat before we go!’

lemongrove Tue 21-Sep-21 14:58:18

On the sea shore, a nattily attired old gent approaches, removes his trilby hat and asks ‘ ‘As anyone sen my boy, Terry, he’s supposed to be findin’ out who done in Ari the Bubble?’
George Carter looks up in a troubled way ‘ that could be me I suppose, the name Terry seems to fit me somehow, also’ he added ‘I think I’m working on a cold case, and having an existential crisis’... ‘Shut it’ yelled Regan, ‘you big girls blouse’
And with that they....

trisher Tue 21-Sep-21 15:26:10

scoffed the last of the lemon drizzle and Regan announced "It's like I thought all bloody foreigners North of Watford. Sooner we get back to the smoke the better"
Sherlock lit his pipe and settled into a chair. "This needs some thought Watson"
The door opened and in came a woman. "DI Kate Fleming AC12. "Heard from a CHIS that OCG is active here. I'm the SIO with the MIT. Where's the body?
They pointed to the kitchen but....

AGAA4 Tue 21-Sep-21 16:23:36

"Gawd" said Frost "you lot are bloody useless. How can the body disappear while you are all sitting here?"

"I saw some men carrying a rolled up carpet" said Maigret with his delightful French accent. " should we ask them if they have seen a body?" Frost jumped to his feet.

"Quick you fools let's ........