A detective story (wih as many as we can manage)

"3 o'clock" said a voice, "now in Venice in the summer heat I would take a quiet siesta on my balcony. I'm not sure how I got here. Inspector Brunetti."
"Another Italian," said Tosh "If only you were a bit younger I'd siesta with you."
As she spoke a loud cry was heard

....it was Wycliffe, running along the beach towards them and waving a bit of paper.
‘I have here’ he said, wheezing and puffing ‘ a warrant for your arrest Mr Columbo, for crimes against fashion!’
Columbo threw the severed arm at Wycliffe and moving fast, in spite of his unbuttoned old mac flew at speed up to the road and ...

straight into the path of a car driven by Detective Chief Supt Foyle’s driver, Sam. “Goodness me, sir” she cried. “I hope he isn’t dead. If he is, perhaps my uncle the Bishop in the back can give him the last rites.” Foyle sighed at this annoying interruption to his journey back to the hotel and got out of the car to check the damage (to Columbo). As he was straightening his hat ...

he spotted another body part lying next to the road. "Is that what I think it is, Sam?" he asked.
A woman running past stopped. "VI Warshawski" she announced "They told me this was the place for a quiet vacation."
Sam grinned.

“Yes, that’s what I was told” said Inspector Allen, who was sauntering up the road with Sergeant Fox. “Brer here recommended it to me and kindly agreed to act as my guide. What have we here? A man’s leg, I believe, what say you, Brer? Now unless my eyes deceive me ...”

"that's a handmade shoe from the royal shoemaker, Heel and Lacey. "
"you don't mean," said Sam. "It's a royal leg?"

“I doubt it, with all those tattoos” said Inspector Lynley, who was holidaying in the area. “But hang on, one of them is a family crest. I recognise it. It’s the crest of the deWindsor family. I was at Oxford with Jolyon deWindsor. His brother Ralph was a thoroughly bad lot ...”

he was involved in drug trafficking, people trafficking and generally lots of traffic involved. Ralph had a lot of enemies according to Inspector Gently who....

"suspected he was involved in the killing of his wife, but nothing could be proved."
"He had however a taste for Northern women," said Lord Peter Wimsey who had stepped down from his Daimler. "He was a thoroughly bad lot."
"Golly" said Sam peering into the Daimler "I don't suppose you need a driver."

“What a delightful proposition, dear lady” replied his Lordship. “However I fear it would upset my man, Bunter, who is accustomed to driving me on occasion. Now the last I heard of that rascal deWindsor, he was en route to Northumberland in search of a lady named Vera, besotted as he is with ladies from the North.”

“So in that case, how would his leg have washed up here?” asked Jonathan Creek. “And where’s the rest of him?”

"Must be up the creek somewhere" said . . .

Dixon of Dock Green. I will take the blue lamp and have look. Can you come with me......

Andy? Evening all. ‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello, what’s all this then?”

"Howay there lad. If yer headin North in that fancy car, you'd best watch oot. Name's Spender. Inspector Spender."
He leered at Sam "Fancy a lift? Aa'v a soft spot for posh lassies"
But as he opened his car door

Nick Rowan, swiftly dismounting from his new Mountie horse, grabbed him by the shoulder. “I don’t take kindly to men who speak to ladies like that” he said menacingly. “Now if you don’t want to feel my boot up your backside I suggest you get on your way mate. Pronto. Now then, what’s all this about bits of bodies turnin’ up? Bit off my manor, but we heard you might have found someone of interest to us, or part of ‘im anyway.” As he adjusted his hat and breeches ...

Agatha raisin reappeared and showed an unseemly interest in said adjustments,

"Can I lend a hand?" she asked.
Before he could reply Rizzoli stepped out from behind his horse. "Pardon me Ma'am but I'd thank you to keep your hands off our American men. Isles there's an interesting leg over there for you to look at."
Agatha was just about to point out that the Mountie was Canadian when .....

Up strolled Vandervalk who always had an eye for a shapely leg, and always looking dapper and was interested in Agatha and said . . .

This current contributor has had one glass of wine too many and not sure she's put the right thing down!

said Agatha as she fell into Vandervalk's arms.
Isles was examining the leg. "It has been expertly severed. by someone with a surgeon's skills"
Agatha was more interested in Vandervalk's skills.
"We need to go North" said Rizzoli

“I’m pleased to hear my skills described as ‘expert’, said Dr Nikki Alexander, strolling up to admire the leg. “I’d been wondering where that leg had gone after the PM was finished. I’m a detective as well as a pathologist you probably know, and I managed to confirm the cause of death as ...”