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What have you finally made peace with?

(114 Posts)
Kandinsky Wed 20-Oct-21 08:18:09

I saw a similar thread on MN and found it a an interesting read.

For me it’s:

Not having as many children as I’d have liked.

Not being particularly talented at anything.

Knowing I’ll never have contact again with estranged siblings.

Not having a kind, loving, Mother.

Froglady Wed 20-Oct-21 08:27:54

I don't think I've made peace with anything in my past that I've regretted - they don't consume my every waking moment but they still have the capacity to stop me in my tracks when I remember them. This is probably because I've never learnt to deal with them, just bottle them all up. And most of them are way in my past, over 40 plus years ago, so I just recognise when they come to haunt me again and then get on my life.

VioletSky Wed 20-Oct-21 08:37:15

I have some in common with you. Lovely thread idea

I won't have a relationship with my estranged brother.

I can't have a kind loving mother.

Not everyone is going to like me.

I'm stuck with ridiculous uncontrollable hair.

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 20-Oct-21 08:53:20

Like Froglady, it doesn’t consume us in any way. In fact it’s been good riddance.

We were estranged from all extended family, both sides, completely for last 20 years. The previous 25 had been a cocktail of ups and downs.

So...we never really had mothers input,

never had any relationship with siblings,

So will never know their offspring,

I’m sure your hair is just fine VioletSky 🤗

glammanana Wed 20-Oct-21 08:55:08

I'm resigned to the fact that I will never communicate with my two younger siblings after 20+ yrs I feel sad about it but two against one just doesn't work.
The fact that my darling late husband will never walk through the door again and say "Hello my Queen do you fancy a cup of tea" I now know I shall never hear his lovely voice again.

Urmstongran Wed 20-Oct-21 09:01:46

I’ve made peace with two major life altering events. So much water under the bridge since then it was time to ‘let it go’. If I wake in the middle of the night my mind sometimes suggests I give some headspace to them but I decline and think ‘no thank you’ and shut those doors mentally. Nothing I can ever do about anything now anyway so it’s best to keep the thoughts buried. What good does picking at a scab ever achieve?

Luckygirl Wed 20-Oct-21 09:07:30

I have made peace with my decision last year to not treat my husband's pneumonia, but to let him leave this life in peace.

A huge responsibility that has weighed heavy on my mind, in spite of the support for the decision that was forthcoming from family and professionals. Its being a right decision does not make it any easier to come to terms with. But I am there now I think and glad of that.

Marydoll Wed 20-Oct-21 09:07:42

My parents favouring my brother over me, despite me doing everything to support them, both financially and caring for them, when my brother did nothing.
It has taken a lifetime to accept my mother was mentally ill, it wasn't my fault and I could do nothing about it.

Kandinsky Wed 20-Oct-21 09:08:10

Oh I agree Urmstongran, but we tend to dwell on the negatives in our past rather than the positives - well I do anyway. Or did. I have decided to set myself free from all the things I cannot change & have absolutely no control over. No life is completely blemish free so I just try and enjoy what I have.

sodapop Wed 20-Oct-21 09:08:56

I'm resigned to the fact that most of my life is behind me now. I'm going to enjoy what's left though and not waste time on regrets.

Susan56 Wed 20-Oct-21 09:26:51

I think in common with many of you I have a difficult mother and as a consequence no relationship with my brothers or a lot of my extended family.
It has taken me a very long time but finally a few months ago I realised that nothing I can do and no amount of me being upset will change anything.
I feel at peace with how I have decided to live my life moving forward and am grateful for the friends and family I do have in my life.
Like Mary, I realise my mother is mentally unstable and that this and her upbringing have made her who she is.I will always be there for her but will not be hurt anymore.

Marydoll Wed 20-Oct-21 10:03:32

Susan, that's exactly how I feel.
After she died, I found out from my cousin that she had a mental breakdown, when at eighteen her best friend died. She had planned to train as a pharmacist, but gave up on life.
Eventually my granny, sent her to train as a nurse to bring money into this poor Irish, mining family.
She eventually became a senior sister in a maternity hospital and then her best friend, another sister, dropped dead of a brain heamorrage in front of her. It blighted her whole life. She never shared this with me. No wonder she was unwell.

Susan56 Wed 20-Oct-21 10:11:34

Mary💐it’s so sad we didn’t know earlier these things about our mothers and the events that made them unwell.

Urmstongran Wed 20-Oct-21 10:14:17

Into every life a little rain must fall. One doesn’t really get to be our age without ‘something’ bad, sad, tragic or dreadful having happened along the way. Yes a few fortunate souls seem to enjoy a charmed life but I think the majority know pain, of one form or another, by our autumn years.

henetha Wed 20-Oct-21 10:34:11

Some guilt which I carried for years. Eventually you have to forgive yourself and move on, - or go mad.

Peasblossom Wed 20-Oct-21 10:41:06

Peace came with the realisation that, although I didn’t get the life I envisaged and thought I wanted, the one that fate gave me was actually a better life for the person that is me.

Or maybe the person I am is what my life made me?

Either way, it’s good,

AGAA4 Wed 20-Oct-21 10:44:23

Past hurts sometimes do come unbidden into my mind but I don't let them linger and spoil my mood.

Redhead56 Wed 20-Oct-21 10:48:44

I do wonder why some people have uneventful lives and just sail through it. Maybe they keep things to themselves I wear my life on my sleeves it’s the way I am.
Life has certainly been eventful and I could have many regrets but I don’t I learned to accept things.
Peace and tranquility I had hoped for this as I have aged. However recent circumstances have made the idea of peace out of reach for the time being.

Kate1949 Wed 20-Oct-21 10:55:32

I admire you all.
I'm not very good at making peace with anything. I'm quite bitter I think. I know it's pointless but there we are.
I can't find peace with my horrendous childhood, losing my teeth at 11 and now total hair loss. It's been, and still is, horrible.

Redhead56 Wed 20-Oct-21 11:09:04

Kate1949 I am also not good making peace that’s why I choose to accept things. I am sure as a person you are kind at heart even though you have had heartache. 💐

Smileless2012 Wed 20-Oct-21 11:18:29

I've made peace with being estranged from our youngest son and only GC, well 99% of the time anyway. It's been just short of 9 years so it's about time I suppose.

BlueSky Wed 20-Oct-21 11:39:26

Same list as yours Kandinsky apart from the estranged siblings, as I have none.

Blondiescot Wed 20-Oct-21 11:42:31

Like many others on here, coming to terms with the fact that no matter what I did in life, I'd never be good enough for my mother (although it took me the best part of 40 years to realise that!).

Lucca Wed 20-Oct-21 11:44:15

I am not able to make peace with any of my regrets mistakes etc. Many have suggested talking about it but I don’t want to. There are many things I’d prefer not to think about ever again.
I just muddle through now !

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 20-Oct-21 12:51:43

I don't think I'll ever make peace completely with a lot of things. I still have my dreams and yearnings and in the early hours they will pass through my mind along with regrets and sorrows. I suppose that's life, isn't it?