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Engagement rings and choices

(68 Posts)
Judy54 Tue 26-Oct-21 14:35:08

Many years ago my friend's boyfriend asked her to marry him and produced a ring that had belonged to his grandmother. Unfortunately my friend did not like the ring. She told him it was a lovely ring but not to her taste and She would prefer it if they chose a ring together. He was upset by this and told her she was ungrateful and why should they spend money on a ring when this was perfectly fine. Ultimately they did not marry as their were to many differences about how their future together should be. I know I would not have been happy to wear a ring for life that I did not like. What would your reaction have been, would you have accepted it graciously or insisted on a ring of your choice?

DillytheGardener Tue 26-Oct-21 14:40:26

I wouldn’t wear a ring I didn’t like for life. My style is very clean and modern, I wouldn’t have liked an old fashioned ring however pretty or valuable.
I can see why you might be miffed that your beloved didn’t like it, but you move on and pick something together that the woman suits. Jewellery is very personal.

Smileless2012 Tue 26-Oct-21 14:44:29

I would have thanked him for it and worn it from time to time but not as my engagement ring that would be the one we chose together.

Blondiescot Tue 26-Oct-21 14:44:34

It is a very personal thing, and I can't see many women being happy to wear a ring they didn't like. However, perhaps a compromise might be to have the original ring remodelled into one which did suit?

Kali2 Tue 26-Oct-21 14:44:59

I think if a fiancé chose to give me an heirloom that meant a lot to him and his family- I would have accepted with grace. I also think if an heirloom, it should be returned to be given to a daughter, niece, gd of that family, if the relationship breaks down.

We could never afford a ring, so I never had one. These things are not important to me.

kittylester Tue 26-Oct-21 14:59:35

I think he should have given her the option so, I think she had a very lucky escape. Sounds as though it was his way or nothing.

Audi10 Tue 26-Oct-21 15:04:38

No way on this earth would I wear someone else’s ring as an engagement ring, and I wouldn’t expect my fiancé to either( he wouldn’t have done anyway,) that would be a no from me

MissAdventure Tue 26-Oct-21 15:11:41

I would quite like it, I think.
It's a symbol of a long lasting love that stood the test of time - unlike your friend and her fiance.

Hithere Tue 26-Oct-21 15:18:20

I would have kindly explained that while I was flattered by his choice of ring, i would rather had a different style and I would also have concerns about breaking up and the fate of his family heirloom.

No, I wouldn't wear a ring I dont like.

Marriage is a compromise- if it starts this way, by him imposing his choice and chastising her for speaking up, i would question my choice of partner and the future of the relationship

Calendargirl Tue 26-Oct-21 16:32:59

We had looked at rings in jewellers windows and I had showed him the ones I liked, but certainly expected to choose it with him. My future DH would not have dared to do anything else.grin. Also nearly 50 years ago I would not have fancied wearing a second hand ring.

My ideas have changed as the years have gone by, an antique ring is quite appealing now, but it would have depended on what Granny’s ring was like. It might have been hideous!

But if it was good enough for the Duchess of Cambridge….

Esspee Tue 26-Oct-21 16:52:57

I don’t like jewellery so compromised. I suggested a wedding ring to wear on my right hand for the engagement to be swapped over on marriage.
Says a lot about me.

kittylester Tue 26-Oct-21 17:10:42

My engagement ring was 2nd hand, though not antique, it saved the purchase tax.

MissAdventure Tue 26-Oct-21 17:11:58

You old romantic, you! smile

eazybee Tue 26-Oct-21 17:25:26

I always feel sorry for the Duchess of Cambridge, lumbered with Diana's vulgar enormous engagement ring which she will have to wear for ever, no leaving it behind in the washroom.
As for the original question, I think the girlfriend probably realised she did not love her boyfriend sufficiently because she didn't like his choice of ring, and it saved much unhappiness later.

GG65 Tue 26-Oct-21 17:27:01

Thankfully I love the ring my husband chose. I really don’t know what I would have done in this situation.

Galaxy Tue 26-Oct-21 17:28:42

I would have run away so therefore the ring wouldnt have been a problem.

GG65 Tue 26-Oct-21 17:38:44


I would have run away so therefore the ring wouldnt have been a problem.


Grandma70s Tue 26-Oct-21 17:41:07

It amazes me that some women are not allowed to choose their own ring. Imagine living for ever with somebody else’s taste. I was shocked when my son chose the engagement ring for his now wife. They had discussed it a lot and looked at ones she liked, but even so……

I didn’t have an engagement ring - I was never engaged. We just got married. (I did choose my wedding ring.)

kittylester Tue 26-Oct-21 18:06:20


You old romantic, you! smile

More ring for your money. grin

Actually, we looked at rings together and didn't like any. DH saw this one, thought I would love it and bought it.

I thought that was a lovely romantic thing to do as I do love it.

MissAdventure Tue 26-Oct-21 18:14:18

Aah, that is romantic.
I like things with a story to tell far more than brand new.
It's nice that you're the keeper of that ring now.

agnurse Tue 26-Oct-21 18:15:48

Hubby and I chose my engagement ring together. (He did formally propose as well.)

Had he offered me an heirloom I didn't care for, I'd have thanked him. I might have mentioned that it wasn't really my style, or depending on the setting, it could have been a potential safety issue. (In my case I have an excellent excuse. I'm a nurse and was in clinical practice at the time. My engagement ring has diamonds set right into the band, so they can't fall off. Had they been held in place in a standard setting, it could have become an issue.) I'd have asked if he was particularly attached to the style of the ring. If he said no, I'd have asked if we could investigate having it melted down and a new ring made, using the same stones. This way we could honour the family heritage while updating the style.

Ladyleftfieldlover Tue 26-Oct-21 18:26:12

We chose our engagement ring together and paid for it jointly. We had a very short engagement of one month so we even considered not having an engagement ring at all! OH paid for the wedding ring…

Barmeyoldbat Tue 26-Oct-21 18:30:15

Mine was 2nd hand and I love it, I think I would have loved any ring that he had gone to the trouble of buying whether it was together or on his own.

Kim19 Tue 26-Oct-21 18:34:25

My husband chose my engagement ring. Still love it but that's more because of the occasion than the item. Romantic pushover me.

sodapop Tue 26-Oct-21 18:50:54

I think initially it was a lovely gesture to use a family heirloom, I would like that idea. However once your friend said she didn't like it the reaction of the boyfriend was quite unpleasant Judy54. A taste of things to come if she had married him I'm afraid.