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Why do people do that?

(64 Posts)
PollyDolly Tue 27-Sep-22 13:52:08

Why do neighbours think that when you offer a few veggies from the glut in the harvest or the offer of giving something away you no longer want and they can use such as knitting pattern as an invitation to "pop in for coffee" anytime they wish?

How do you go about deterring such neighbours?

Keeper1 Tue 27-Sep-22 13:55:28

Razor wire and landmines

Granmarderby10 Tue 27-Sep-22 14:01:52

pollyDolly you could put the veggie items outside in a suitable container and as for the knitting patterns/ any other unwanted items ..well how would anyone come to know about them in the first place?
Just leave a notice outside I suppose with details about how to get them?

Doodledog Tue 27-Sep-22 14:09:30

Reciprocation? I am not remotely a 'popper in', but I would feel a certain obligation to someone who offered to share a knitting pattern or gave me a gift of food, unless it was an 'over the fence' thing, rather than a gift given on my doorstep.

Also, if you aren't already on social terms the neighbour might have seen them as a way of reaching out, maybe because of loneliness, so the offer of coffee could have been made on those lines? I wouldn't read too much onto it, or go into full-on deterrence mode unless they become persistent - it was probably well-intentioned.

kittylester Tue 27-Sep-22 14:20:35

Maybe they are lonely.

MerylStreep Tue 27-Sep-22 14:46:25

Maybe they’re just being friendly and neighbourly.
My friend and neighbour often comes round with her own cup of tea.

PollyDolly Tue 27-Sep-22 15:08:13


Razor wire and landmines

Love it! Lol

PollyDolly Tue 27-Sep-22 15:14:25


pollyDolly you could put the veggie items outside in a suitable container and as for the knitting patterns/ any other unwanted items ..well how would anyone come to know about them in the first place?
Just leave a notice outside I suppose with details about how to get them?

We have a group FB page with was set up during the first lockdown to enable us to check in on one another remotely. If anyone has anything they're gifting we all put it on there. Everyone else respects the boundaries but there's always one exception. Don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't deliberately see any one lonely and actually the person in question has a better social life than anyone I know but she used to have coffee with one particular couple - uninvited - every Sunday; they tried making plans but she would still show up, often as they were getting ready, and disrupt all their plans. They were just too polite to say anything to her but they'd moan to everyone else - I vowed that I wasn't going down that route when they moved away but seemingly I am now her target because she likes free veggies!

Ali08 Wed 28-Sep-22 13:53:19

Politely tell them you're busy, and gently shut the door!

Lathyrus Wed 28-Sep-22 13:58:31

I have a horror of people giving me things they no longer need (or want cluttering up their house) but which they are sure I will find useful?


Bird40 Thu 29-Sep-22 11:24:13


Razor wire and landmines

Oh my! I'm usually such a pacifist...but this made me laugh out loud

Balthazar Thu 29-Sep-22 11:29:52

ha ha!!!!

Prentice Thu 29-Sep-22 11:34:08

You must be kind but firm. Offering surplus veg is not an open invitation.

Witzend Thu 29-Sep-22 11:34:34


Razor wire and landmines


pce612 Thu 29-Sep-22 11:37:01

Put anything unwanted on Freecycle.
My neighbours are lovely - there if you need them (and vice versa) but otherwise non intrusive.

Bird40 Thu 29-Sep-22 11:37:13

To be honest,.I think people are lonely.
Maybe you've got a bit of magnetism and look like someone they want to get to know.
Just be firm...I know it's difficult but I wouldn't like anyone just dropping by for coffee. I'm too busy (and important) ? to stop and chat like that.
Working from home...some people don't understand that you are in fact .. working.
I love my neighbour and Family and regularly chat but I'd never ever dream of just dropping by like thwt and expecting coffee

Silvertwigs Thu 29-Sep-22 11:43:59


Yearoff Thu 29-Sep-22 11:45:57


Razor wire and landmines

This made me laugh ?

OxfordGran Thu 29-Sep-22 11:50:45

perhaps could find a modern version of my Granny’s way of dealing with this situation. She lived in a Victorian terrace, step in from the pavement. Anyway, before swinging open the heavy solid front door, she would ram on her hat, sometimes in winter a scarf too, open the door. Should it be someone she was pleased to see, would say she had just come home, come in, if it was an unwanted visitor, she would say, I’m just going out.
She never had a phone nor spyhole and couldn‘t see her front door from her front (parlour) window.

No one should be under siege in their own home, good luck.

JdotJ Thu 29-Sep-22 11:51:27


Razor wire and landmines


PamQS Thu 29-Sep-22 12:00:46

I used to be a target for ‘poppers-in’ because I’ve WFH for several years. I started to say ‘I’m afraid I can’t ask you in’ quite a lot!

Interested Thu 29-Sep-22 12:01:11

I always try to give stuff to a charity shop. That way, the charity gains, and someone who wants it gets a bargain.
You have to tell people that you like your routine and don't like to get away from it. They might have accepted the things because they felt they couldn't refuse, and think you are reaching out for company -there's another side to this as well.

FleurBaladine Thu 29-Sep-22 12:15:11

I’d like it. No-one pops in on me…but I don’t pop in on anyone either!

nipsmum Thu 29-Sep-22 12:16:52

I live in an area with 6 other elderly neighbours. Most of them I don't see much off but one who speaks to my dog and gives her treats, I often, if I've been baking take her something , maybe 2 scones and a couple of pieces of cake. I've never been in her house and she has only once been in mine. She quite often brings biscuits or s little cake to me. That's just friendly and not a problem to us..

Brownowl564 Thu 29-Sep-22 12:22:37

Keep door locked and don’t answer if not convenient