Why do people do that?

I hide or tell them I've Covid. The Covid one works great with cold callers for me.

PollyDolly

Why do neighbours think that when you offer a few veggies from the glut in the harvest or the offer of giving something away you no longer want and they can use such as knitting pattern as an invitation to "pop in for coffee" anytime they wish?

How do you go about deterring such neighbours?

To me you are sending a very mixed message here, so no wonder your neighbours got the wires crossed!

Why would you offer a person you did not want to get to know better surplus anything? You could have driven down to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen with the surplus from the kitchen garden and given anything else to a charity shop. No strings attached there.

Surely, it is only natural to see the offer of such things as an attempt to become better friends with the neighbours?

On the other hand, it would have been politer of your neighbours to ask you in for coffee than to pop in to your house. I mean they have already had a gift of your garden produce, so giving you a cup of coffee is a minimal return.

Nor, do I understand, why if someone comes by and invites herself in you don't politely say it is an inconvenient time, as you are working, just going out, etc.

Grandtante - exactly. Do wish Gransnet could organise tick boxes, save reading the same responses over again.

'Razor wirw and landlines' Very funny but might work.

Sorry, 'wire'

grandtanteJE65

PollyDolly

Why do neighbours think that when you offer a few veggies from the glut in the harvest or the offer of giving something away you no longer want and they can use such as knitting pattern as an invitation to "pop in for coffee" anytime they wish?

How do you go about deterring such neighbours?

To me you are sending a very mixed message here, so no wonder your neighbours got the wires crossed!

Why would you offer a person you did not want to get to know better surplus anything? You could have driven down to the nearest food bank or soup kitchen with the surplus from the kitchen garden and given anything else to a charity shop. No strings attached there.

Surely, it is only natural to see the offer of such things as an attempt to become better friends with the neighbours?

On the other hand, it would have been politer of your neighbours to ask you in for coffee than to pop in to your house. I mean they have already had a gift of your garden produce, so giving you a cup of coffee is a minimal return.

Nor, do I understand, why if someone comes by and invites herself in you don't politely say it is an inconvenient time, as you are working, just going out, etc.

I offer things to my local community in the first instance - that being all my neighbours regardless of how well I know them.

I presently cannot drive anywhere because I am temporarily housebound.

As I explain upthread, this person has a history of descending on people at very inconvenient times.

I do not want to have to be in the position of having to say "Sorry, I cannot/don't want to invite you in".

Myself and several other neighbours are of the same frame of mind - we are here to help when anyone is having problems but none of do the 'popping in for coffee bit', apart from this one individual. I offered her veggies the same as I offered everyone else, I had knitting patterns that I thought she might use and these were offered in good faith - they certainly were not an invitation to come for tea!

Round here there is a chap who puts out the extras from his allotment. I am very grateful, always wave as I take a marrow or a couple of tomatoes and, if they are in the garden, thank them, but have never thought of “popping in, what a cheek !

not putting out veggies, but I have tried chatting with neighbours
been here over 20 years, and other people do not understand that I do not have a neighbour that I could try calling on.

Keeper1

Razor wire and landmines

I loved your response a little too much.

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

sazz1

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

On the contrary, I AM not an unfriendly person! But I do value my privacy and I do not like having to sit and listen to. someone else droning on about their own problems with little heed for anyone else.\
sizzle......you know nothing about me

Interested
My friends and neighbours know that i work in a charity shop so they drop the stuff off at my place ?

PollyDolly

sazz1

I'd love someone to just pop in here but so far nobody does. My last house the neighbours and family used to just pop in for a quick cuppa which was great.
Nobody is here forever so I'd enjoy the company while you can.
I never cared what the house looked like as true friends and family come to see me not the furniture.
Sorry but I think the OP is an unfriendly person.

On the contrary, I AM not an unfriendly person! But I do value my privacy and I do not like having to sit and listen to. someone else droning on about their own problems with little heed for anyone else.\
sizzle......you know nothing about me

I'm puzzled why you'd give them the vegetables in the first place if you don't want their friendship.

Have you got a freezer? Or sell them to a local farm shop.

Lathyrus

I have a horror of people giving me things they no longer need (or want cluttering up their house) but which they are sure I will find useful?

Sorry?

You don't want a pile of knitting patterns, then? I was going to offer them ? ??

Actually, I think they're chopsticks, not knitting needles

kittylester

Maybe they are lonely.

Maybe they are just nice, friendly people.

I wish neighbours would pop in to see me. Apart from my helpers who come for an hour daily , since my birthday last May I have not had any visitors.

Oh dear, Bijou, have you got their phone numbers? Can you invite one round f a cuppa?

Entirely depends on you and your attitude. Just say no thank you to offer of free produce and be unfriendly or be pleasant say thank you and offer a friendly coffee, or if it’s too late and you’ve already started something stand firm when working and when you answer the door be firm and say sorry I can’t invite you / chat today I’m very busy with stuff. No more explanation than that. Smile and close the door at least motion to the message will be clear……

I thought the days of popping in were well and truly over.
I certainly don’t pop in on my neighbours and they definitely do not pop in on me.

If anyone wants to visit, they either phone or text first.

"I'm puzzled why you'd give them the vegetables in the first place if you don't want their friendship.

Have you got a freezer? Or sell them to a local farm shop."

Callistemon21, We don't actually care for frozen beans much and we have shared the bumper crop with many of the neighbours in the same way that they have shared their produce around too - none of whom have seen it as carte blanc to drop in on spec.

As a neighbourhood we do help out when needed but the person in question is far too familiar and I do not want to be like the couple who I referred to up thread on Tuesday at 15.14hrs; you could set your watch when she would drop in on them, uninvited and spoil many a planned trip out because they were too polite to say anything.

Greciangirl

I thought the days of popping in were well and truly over.
I certainly don’t pop in on my neighbours and they definitely do not pop in on me.

If anyone wants to visit, they either phone or text first.

How sad.

Just wanting to be friends.... They presumed you wanted to be friends...quite simple really...

Maybe your gifts are interpreted as a comfortable progression to call for coffee, i must admit that I personally would just appear at someones house if they had given me a gift of whatever, but I can see the way it would be transformed.

They are not doing anything wrong, they have seen your lovely gifts as a friendly gesture and dont see a problem with taking it 1 step further, ☕!!!!

Meant to say I WOULD NOT JUST APPEAR....

I find it quite sad that the days of popping in on anyone are over if that means neighbours are not able to be friendly and exchange news, surplus goods etc or invite each other in for a coffee.
During the first lockdown our neighbours were so kind and did a bit of shopping for us each week. We would chat on the doorstep for a couple of minutes, but now we never chat beyond saying Hello.