Grandmother's rules.

Thank goodness these days are long gone, no wonder some people do not have warm memories of grandmothers. Mine were 1) the Scottish granny, distant, not maternal, not unfriendly but not particularly affectionate and 2) German Oma , strict, quite dogmatic with no SOH , kind but never close. I also know she was a harsh stepmum to my Mum.
This is more like it!

Our rules are the rules our daughters have set for their children.

Sweets, screens, electronics, clothing, swimming, walking, (amounts of exercise) and reading - are daughters directed.

I never met my grandmothers. No need for rules with our granddaughter. She was and is perfectly behaved.

In my case it was Granddaughter's rules. Years ago, when one of my granddaughters was six she came to stay with me. On the first morning I mentioned that we would do some gardening later. After sitting together chatting for a while she firmly said 'Come on Grandma, let's get on with the gardening. We can't just sit here wasting time'.

It's not the sort of gran I want to be but a beautiful memory for you and you set the scene so well

My youngest grandchild is nearly 15, the oldest 20. (I have 5 with DD and DS) .

So no longer little.

I hope I have always been a loving and fair granny to all of them. However, my own children were not spoiled, and I haven’t spoiled the GC.

By spoiling, I suppose I mean sweets galore, late bedtimes when staying with us, things like that. And not OTT Christmas and birthday presents.

They always seemed very happy to come and see us and stay with us, and enjoy my baking even though they are now fairly grown up.

Obviously I knew how my daughter was bringing her daughter up and acted accordingly. Not feeding her too many sweets etc. Usually

What happens in Grandma’s house stays in Grandma’s house.

Our AC all know how I take care of the GC and are more than happy to go along with the GC thinking they are getting away with stuff when in reality they are not #naughtyGran

I think it's worth bearing in mind people were of their time and the prevailing conditions they lived through would have shaped them in some way. Grandparents of our demographic have almost certainly lived through one if not two world wars, similarly our parents would have been involved or affected by the 2nd WW.

Whilst I might have thought some of their expectations in behaviour overly fussy at the time, in retrospect having spent time in research on Ancestry I realise now perhaps where they were coming from. In many ways I wish I had more conversations about their growing up experiences when they were alive, it never occurred to me to do so. When I was very young I think I presumed that they just arrived in the world as an elderly people

I think I, like many of my generation, I am pretty relaxed around my own grandchildren, I'm just pleased when they say please and thank you, which they do. On the downside when they stay with us, I wish they'd read more books and spend less time of their tables, but that's generational me coming out, books were my main source of entertainment so I would say that! However, they do say, they read more during the week when they aren't allowed to have their gadgetry, only at week ends allegedly, and it's the week ends when we see them.

an

I can remember visiting my Great Grandma (she lived three doors down from my maternal Grandparents, my Grandpa’s Mum) I used to play her piano in the best sitting room and she would feed me up with biscuits, cakes and cups of sugary tea.

No appointment needed I just used to skip along the road and knock.

I can remember my paternal Great Grandma (Granny’s mum) upstairs in my Granny’s house, sitting up in bed with a jar of peppermints on the nightstand, I think she died when I was about 6 & 7

Not many rules at mine apart from stay on your chair at mealtimes (DGS likes to move into someone’s lap…!)and don’t touch stuff in shops. Preferably don’t squabble …. But basically they’re such goods kids and very caring to not very well granny !

Sadly my mum's mum, died when she was only 8. My dad's mum, I think I remember visiting once. They lived in London and mum and dad had moved to the ends of the earth. Hounslow!
I was born 8 or 9 years after they married, but, my wonderful, maternal grandad, lived with us for several years. He loved us unconditionally, and my little brother was his shadow.

I try and cut my nearly sixteen year old only grandchild a lot of slack when it comes to rules here because he has enough rules at home. He knows I have boundaries, mostly regarding meals and mobile phones, but he’s good fun, loves to come here and I love to have him. I only remember one of my grandparents and she was rather distant (in manner) so I didn’t like her much. My father didn’t like her either! All I seem to remember about her is her constantly saying to my mother “when are you ever going to make that child wear a dress?” I wanted, and have had, a much better relationship with my grandson.

biglouis

My grandmother had very strict rules. Bear in mid that she was born in the age of Victoria and remained an Edwardian lady until the end of her life. Her rules began with the premise that "children should be seen and not heard" and one did not argue with my grandmother. On the few occasions I ever answered back she would say"Hoity toity, Miss." and tell me I should respect my "elders ad betters."

To begin with the timing of visits was strictly regulated. No "popping in". "Come for afternoon tea, two til four" meant exactly that regardless of whether you were a child or an adult, a relative or a friend. My gran had a clock which chimed the hour. At four oclock she would stand up and say "Time for my nap. Thank you for visiting. Ill show you out." This left no room for objection that the visit was over.

For children like myself there was a rule for afternoon tea that sandwiches were eaten first. No cakes were allowed until you had eaten your sandwich. And no second cake until you finished the first. Another of my grandmothers sayings was about the"starving children in Africa".

When I was a small child I was taken to visit my gran by an aunt, who sat and chatted while I played with my dolls on grandma's whatnot. When I grew old enough to visit myself I was not allowed to just sit and chat. Grandma had a saying about the devil making work for idle hands. She would ask "Have you brought your mending child?"

By this she did not necessarily mean mending. Sewing, embroidery, crochet or knitting were all allowed. My grandmother also taught me how to darn socks, unravel old wool garments, make rag rugs and many other skills. If I did not bring some "work" to occupy me then she would very soon find something for me to do, such as holding out my hands while she wound up recycled wool into a neat ball.

Despite these "rules" I always enjoyed visiting my grandmother. You knew exactly where you were and what you were supposed to do. When I grew into adulthood she was the one to whom I went for advice. We did not always agree. But she would listen and then give me her opinion.

Some times she agreed when I didnt expect her to. Like the time I explained that I was consdering giving up my job as a librarian and returning to education because my qualifications had become outdated. She said "If this is what you feel you need to do to get on in life then thats what you must do."

Not long after this conversation my gran died suddenly of a massive heart attack. She was 96. One of my greatest regrets in life is that she did not live long enough to see me go to university and graduate with a 1st. She would have loved the ceremony and the formality.

Do you have "rules" or boundaries for when your grandchildren visit?

I really think I would have loved to meet your grandmother. She sounds like just my kind of lady. You knew where you were and when you think of the kind of changes they would have seen from their childhood to when they were very elderly, it must have been amazing. My grandmother went through two world wars based in London. She was such an interesting lady and had so many stories to tell. I still love spending my time with ladies in their 90s as they are such good company and I love serving them with tea and cake and helping them in any way I can.

biglouis, I love the sound of your grandmother and of your visits. There's a lot to be said for knowing exactly where you are with someone. Sounds brilliant.

I didn’t know my maternal grandparents, or my paternal grandad. But my paternal grandma was lovely, she lived my the sea, took us cockling, we went fishing, lived on the beach during the summer. I don’t recall any specific rules.
As others, we know my daughters expectation of our grandchildren, they’re a delight.

MawtheMerrier says it all for me.
My Nan was a lot of fun and lovely. Her 5 children all lived very close in the same street and they were the same.
They all spoilt us.
I’m afraid I do spoil my grandchildren. And I make no excuses for it.

My grandmother did of course live through two world wars and saw a lot of trajegy. Her only son (who was always delicate) died age 18 of TB. There was no cure for it in those days. My grandfather died young (flu epidemic) and left her a widow in her early 60s so she lived 30+ years as a widow. She always compared herself with the Queen Mum and in many ways she was like her. The iron hand in the velvet glove.

I often asked her to tell me stories of when she was young, saying "What was it like in the olden days?" and she would tell me how strict her parents were.

My grandmother and I had a very special relationship. My mother fell pregnant with me when she was seeing another man behind the back of her fiance, who was off on active service. That was considered a dreadful thing to do during WWII. She eloped with my birth father who was of a different social class. In the custom of the times they "had" to get married so I would be "born in wedlock". Whereas when my sister came along 7 years later her birth was planned. My grandmother observed shrewdly that this (my unplanned birth) probably accounted for my being the "black sheep" and my sister the "golden princess". Grandma never had the same close relationship with my sister.

I have a fair few rules, although "some people" grandsons seem to take less and less notice as time goes on.

I'm permissive in some ways, I suppose, but I really dislike spoiled children if it means they dominate everyone. (Or try to)

MissAdventure

I have a fair few rules, although "some people" grandsons seem to take less and less notice as time goes on.

I'm permissive in some ways, I suppose, but I really dislike spoiled children if it means they dominate everyone. (Or try to)

On that we agree MissA I cannot abide children who think the family and world revolves them.

Auntieflo, you made me laugh with your “back of beyond” comment about Hounslow. When I was a child we lived in London and my Mum’s mother, my Nanny, lived in Ashford not far from Staines.
I know she went there occasionally during the war but can’t really remember it, but from just after when we went fairly regularly it seemed like an enormously long journey to get there. Also it was very old fashioned. Mains drainage hadn’t arrived at Nanny’s house then and it wasn’t till quite some time after the war when my aunt inherited the house that she had an indoor, upstairs bathroom put in. Before that there was an outside toilet built on to the back of the scullery.Very cold and spooky in the dark We never used the front living room then either, we always sat in the dining room which was less formal and very homely.
Apparently when the parish priest came to visit, my grandfather would escape over the windowsill and down the side of the house as the PP came into the front door. PP had a reputation of settling in for a long chat.

Neither of my GMs was at all strict, and I don’t think I am, either, not that I really need to be, since the Gdcs are usually pretty good.

We didn’t live near either set of GPs, so didn’t see them that often, but tea at my paternal GM’s house was always a treat - she’d buy things we never had at home, except maybe for birthday parties. Dairylea triangles! Penguin Biscuits! Wagon Wheels! And always orange jelly with mandarin oranges in.

After that GM died, I took the glass orange jelly dish - it wasn’t particularly beautiful, but such memories.
I was really upset when dh broke it.😥

No visiting GC for us biglouise but I wanted to thank you for your OP and sharing your memories of your fabulous grandmother.

Like LRavenscroft I'd have loved to have met her too.