Christmas presents..

Am at DD2's at the mo. She is expecting her second baby end Nov/beg Dec. I've suggested to her to get her act together and post new baby cards with Christmas cards. Also that we stop buying adult's presents-and she agreed! Yay! DD1's youngest told me a while ago she had 17 gifts on her list! I told her straightaway that that was greedy! We DO have a good and close relationship btw and see her most days. It will make her think I hope!
A group of 4 friends pool some money-about £5 each-and purchase a charity item. Less landfill and doing good.
Pushed the boat out last year as two close nephews and our DD2 had all moved house so bought them a twinned toilet.

Oh, dear, Imperfect, I need the Grump-Old badge polish after you, please!

I am horrified by so much of what is on this thread!

I don't have the money to spend a lot, and have stopped all presents except for DD and DSiL, which have a mutual tight spending limit on them. DGS has one present which stays at my house. He will have loads from their large family, and as he has a birthday soon after Christmas, the rest of the year can be a drought after the Christmas flood. His parents try to squirrel some presents away for later in the year, but of course those sending gifts want photos of them being played with now. How unreasonable we all are.

I buy small presents on his half-year-birthday anniversary, to spread things out.

So much of what is given as the 'inexpensive' presents for children is tat, which breaks and causes disappointment and ends up in landfill. Why do we need so much Stuff?! And a lot of the gifts requested by people's DGC is amazingly expensive — in the hundreds of pounds! What are the lessons we are passing on by this?

I am not religious, but surely the point of Christmas or the other midwinter celebrations is not to overwhelm our children with greed? Or am I missing the point somehow?

Move over, Mr Scrooge, I need to sit down next to you...

We have always had stockings- filled with 'useful' things, a few sweet treats and something 'funny.' There is usually also a main gift and maybe three smaller things under the tree. We all say we like the stockings best year by year- contents can range from 10p - £2.50 and a lot come from charity shops. It is such a lot of fun to put them together - and they are wrapped up in the paper scraps left over from the year before. A 'big gift' might cost up to £30.

I don't think it is lots of presents that spoil children - they need to be taught to appreciate things and take time to enjoy each present. We have always had someone designated as 'postie' and everyone watches everyone else open their gifts from under the tree. We don't do it all in one go so it is spread out through the day and time in between given to appreciating what is already in hand.

It does bug me when you see children having a 'free for all' and discarding what they have just opened in their excitement to get to the next present.

Must go - I have got to polish my Grumpy Old Woman badge ...

When my dc were small we did the 12 days of Christmas. Open big present Christmas day and then a present every day for the next 11 days. They had small presents and bits and pieces they would need anyway in Christmas stockings from Santa eg slippers, PJ's, new torch, pens etc. I am only supposed to buy dgs 1 or 2 presents but he also likes zoo or sea-life tickets which don't take up room in house so they are acceptable. My adult dc still like their stockings though.

Recently someone on Facebook was asking mum's how much they spent on their children's Christmas presents. The answers were in the region of £500 - £700 each child. To say I was stunned was an understatement. It seems now to be some sort of competition and totally extravagant.

Well you have the perfect name for an Elf friend, Imp.

Cooo - sounds like this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship - and after all, Elf is a favourite 'C' film...

Ah, I think you're talking about the official American Elf, Imperfect. I wouldn't have him in the house, he sounds like a right little horror!

No, we've just pinched the idea. Our Elves turn up on 1 December, and do naughty things every night until Christmas while the children are asleep. There's no behaviour monitoring going on and certainly no extra gifts! I bought them for about a fiver (having given up on the idea of making them for less!).

There are hundreds of easy ideas online for what they can do - as simple as drawing moustaches on Mum and Dad's wedding photo with marker pen (on top of the glass, of course!), messing about in the jewellery box or getting locked outside the patio door, so they're clamouring to get in in the morning.

You'd like him really - he's a good laugh!

Hi Maggie. Well now perhaps your Elf is different to the one I have heard about ...

First I think the Elf on the Shelf is a.n.other Christmas excess if he brings a pre-Christmas gift each day which seems to be the case in households I know of.

Secondly, if you really think about it, would you want your behaviour to be 'monitored' for a whole month? Why put this on a child?This again seems a bit much.

Thirdly, I know of parents who feel under pressure for Elf to be up to something new everyday and again, this just adds in a pressure.

(Sorry Elf, nothing personal yer know! )

So very many children these days have for too many things. At Christmas, they are unable to fully appreciate the surfeit of games and toys, etc that they often get given. Love is never bought this way. Perhaps it is a good time to start to teach those very fortunate children about others - who are so much less fortunate. May not be so exciting, but payment go a charity in the child's name - can be very rewarding for all concerned.

PS I always ask what GD would like for her gifts, usually red patent Doc Martins for Xmas and money for her birthday these days. when she come in school holidays I do a lot of crafts with her, we have a good bond. I can't fill her up with chocolate as she is diabetic. When I ask if I can buy her something when we go shopping we usually says 'no thankyou grandma'

I can't agree with Craftycat about D.I.Ls, although I get on with mine on a level I find she can be very unfeeling, my dear GD is 12 now and I have never had a BD card with Grandma on it , just a generic card from all three of them, DIL expects my son to buy presents for me and lovely as he is he has no imagination beyond a bottle of wine. We have looked after our GD since she was 6 months old , even when my husband and I both worked ful time we looked after her two days a week, we love her dearly but I would love a card to 'best grandma' at Christmas or birthday. I have mentioned it to my son but he just says that DIL buys cards. I wonder if it is because her own mother passed away when DIL was about 18 so she doesn't want me to have what her mother can't have. It doesn't consume me but does make me sad when I see what my friends get. We never get invited for tea or christmas or anything. I have three sons but my eldest lives 150 miles away and does not have a family. My youngest lives in Canada with his family so I have a lot invested in GD here, I am not an interfering MIL and don't expect regular visits as I know they have there own lives so we often don't see them for weeks, but we know where our son is if we need him ans similarly. I just feel upset about the lack of a card. Am I wrong

Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read sums it up perfectly for me!

I love the Elf on the Shelf! DGS1 was chortling earlier this week at the memory of some of his shenanigans - swinging from the tree lights, making snow angels in flour - and wondering who was going to be naughtier this year, his elf or his new kitten.

What have you got against him, Imperfect?

Secret Santa for the grown ups. I'm afraid the little ones get a bit more.

What Phoenix said sprinkled with Bridgeit's wisdom.

And don't get me started with that blooming 'Elf on the Shelf' nonsense!

we were poor for a long time/as things got better>under age 9 was a free for all.older we recieved one big present(own little tv,sewingmachine,tobogan) then clothes and something silly.divorced parents>dad would take me to book barns(used book stores) and let me fill the car to bursting.heaven for me.
should say tho kid brother and sister were step dads first and he went crazy,spoiling them right up to the day he died.

Maybe not a no gift rule but perhaps a price rule or secret Santa option would be an alternative way of cutting down on giving an excessive amount of pressies

No - we each have a "gift list" and we each choose what we can afford - there are only me, DH, DS and MIL as my DDs and GS ( I think I've only one) are estranged. So we tend to buy books, games, music and maybe one slightly bigger joint gift per person from the others. Works a treat, as we all get what we really want/need and no-one pays more than we can afford.

Something that is really, really wanted, a stocking filled with a tangerine, small silly cheap items ( crayons, a little toy or two )and a cracker. Then a couple of bits under the tree for after Christmas dinner).

My husb and I implemented a "No gift" policy to each other years ago, as it is christmas every day...i.e. you buy what you like when you like these days. After years of insisting on a "One Gift" policy from my son and his partner, they have finally got the message and give us each one gift, hoorah!! We send money to the mothers of gtandchildren so that they can buy what they need or put it in savings. So no pressure at Christmas for us, at all. Its no longer a nice time of year for most. The religious aspect is fast fading which is a great shame.

My granddaughter's bedroom is cluttered with toys and somehow her new baby brother has to share the space. I feel that homes are sinking under toys, so I will ask first what they want me to buy.

I love Christmas, and choosing and wrapping presents. But the grown-ups in our family opted a couple of years back to go for a Secret Santa system, and I must admit it's made life easier. So just one present each. The DGC get loads of stuff, and I think everyone would agree on cutting the amount down. DH and I have set a cash amount for each of the boys for Christmas and birthdays. We ask the DC what we should buy and sometimes it's a big present, sometimes a smaller one plus the cash to top it up, sometimes just cash for their savings. It works really well. They're all getting Magformers this year - our suggestion, and DC approve.

I do always fill a traditional stocking though for any adults who are here on Christmas Day. The obligatory apple, orange, nuts, chocolate coins, sugar mouse, shiny pound coin, plus a couple of treats each. Those nuts have been doing the rounds for about ten years - they are warned not to try eating them!

It depends on various things really, what do the children's parents think about it, are there many people in the family to buy gifts for the children etc.
We try to buy clothes and books and one toy type present for the DGC.Soon,as they get older, I think a bit of hard cash would be appreciated.?

Most definitely,