What do you do at Christmas?

We, like lots of you, had lovely family times, always here, and I loved all the cooking and shopping and having all my family round me,
Then the bottom fell out, son and wife separated, D went to live abroad, mother became more difficult than ever and it was a nightmare.
D is also now on her own with 2 teens and I hope they would come to us, but they prefer to spend it with friends!!
Now H doesnt really care due to his Alzheimer's so it is just another day here, I say I don't mind at all but......

My Christmases have changed over the years as parents and husband died, divorces, stepchildren, grandchildren - so many changes to the family. One thing that is always the same is that I do all the cooking. It's OK now I'm retired but I would love someone to invite me for Christmas one year.

Up until last year my 2DD and family's came to us. Last year due to my health and my GS's ages we all spent Christmas in our own houses and went to DD2 for dinner on boxing day. This works for us all at the moment, and I'm notes fan of boxing day since my mum died.

We all go to my eldest dd and her husband’s. That’s my ds, dd number two and her daughter, my ex and his girlfriend and me. We all get on really well and I love the day. Because we get on so well, both my ex and I get to spend Christmas Day with our children and grandchildren. I think myself very lucky.

Grandma Moira
I thought that too, until it happened. I didn't enjoy the food very much, the turkey was very dry and overcooked, gravy was awful and the sprouts cooked until they were brown. There was no cranberry or bread sauce to lighten it. On our way home DH said, very firmly, "Never again".

This year we shall be on our own for the first time since we have had children. DS No 1 (lives in California) is not coming at Christmas, because he and his wife are coming a few months later. They want to be here for warmer weather for once, and DS No 2 is having a big party to celebrate their wedding in May.

DS No 3 leaves tomorrow for California - he and his girlfriend are staying for 2 months and then going on to Mexico for 2 months! But they will touch base at DS No 1's for Christmas.

DS No 2 is flying over for much of the Christmas holidays so all three DS's will be together in California, with DiL1 and DGS.

We might go and visit DiL2 and DGD who will still be at home. She is OK with being alone over Christmas, because she has a patchwork family and has to "do" Christmas at least three times, so DGD will have lots of attention.

As the Christmas days fall at the weekend and in Germany no extra Bank holidays are granted, that means it will almost be a full working week for me - no days off

I'll only know it's Christmas because of singing in the choir at Midnight Mass. Not sure what to cook....

Nobody in our family has mentioned it, not wanting to be the first to suggest any type of arrangement. it's all very complicated and often a tad fraught, with my 97 year old Father, my sister, my partner and his grown up boys. I went on strike 2 years ago having hosted the day for around 40 years and my DS and his partner took up the reins. I'm hoping we will be invited this year. as the little GC are the right age for Christmas.

Alternate years their dad had the kids, I chilled alone, loving it (sometimes turning down kind invitations). Now all grown up, I actively encourage them to do what they choose, not to succumb to others' emotional blackmail.

I had thought about going American and "doing" Christmas with all my guys on thanksgiving, but it's a Thursday this year so that won't work.
My eldest son compartmentalises us - seems to work and I have them all over to us either before or after Christmas Day. As many have said, the date itself is not important, the get together is.

Don't do christmas. Last year only gift received was from meals on wheels. Lovely surprise. Just a normal day.

As long as I see both my sons & their families over Christmas it makes no difference which day it is. If we can all get together on the same day that is great but if it has to be over 2 days then so be it. This year I think it will be one set on Xmas day & one on Boxing day. The divorce is not the problem as my ex lives in flat & tends to go to his sister on Xmas day- plus we get on OK anyway. It's more DDiL lost her Mum nearly 2 years ago so needs to make sure her Dad has somewhere to go ' on the day'.
TBH I think young children are better off at home with just Mum & Dad on the day. They don't want to up & leave all their new toys at home. We always had Xmas day for just the 4 of us & saw my dad & his 2nd wife on Boxing day. Whatever works for your family.

Charleygirl your positivity is uplifting I hope you have a lovely day doing your own thing. I’m off to Oz this Christmas to spend it with youngest DD and family last year it was spent with Oldest DD and family in the morning then lunch and afternoon on my own which I was fine about I was invited to tea but preferred to stay at home.

So interesting to read all about all the different arrangements. We usually have one or other DD and family while the other goes to in-laws, though we do manage to have a day all together at one point. Recently though theDDs decided they want Christmas day with each other and us. We might manage all the in-laws as well, but that could be, probably, 19, which is a lot to accommodate. I don't mind about Christmas too much as we see a lot of both DDs and families. DH minds a lot though!

We'll be on our own this year for the first time in years and I'm quite looking forward to it. Will go down to see DD and her family in the morning but since this year she is hosting dinner for all her in laws we agreed it was too much for us to come along too. The two DS's have other arrangements with family this year too. We may even skip cooking turkey for just two of us and decide on something lighter with a nice glass of wine to go with it! As others have said, it's only a day and I am lucky enough to see my children and grandchildren on a fairly regular basis at other times.

How wonderful it would be to be included in family Chrsitmasses ... Neither my son nor daughter want me at Christmas, therefore I don't see grandchildren on the day.... I always used to love Christmas ... Not any more ?

Miniesmum, your post made me chuckle!
I am single and get quite annoyed when folk pull an 'awwh there, there' I'm sorry for you face when I actually enjoy Christmas simply; without fuss, on my own. I spend the rest of the year on my own so why should Christmas be any different?
I begin with Midnight mass and then the late night walk home alone. I open presents under my tree I've bought for my self, have tipple of something nice then go to sleep in my own comfortable bed.
I cook myself a lovely Christmas lunch and just enjoy the day remembering as a Christian what Christmas is truly about.
I don't have a TV (thank goodness) so I'm not guilt tripped or tricked into spending Christmas the way as 'others' think I should. All my siblings enjoy Christmas in their own family home with their family.
On Boxing Day we all descend on which ever sibling has decided to have open house. This suits us all as it lessens the pressure and expectations.

Maidmarion, my heart broke reading your post. I know nothing I write will make you have what you really want so, I send you my love in the hope that you will one day have the Christmas you wish for.

We have our family gathering the Saturday before Christmas and then we stay in our motorhome in Keswick for Christmas Day etc - very peaceful and civilised . Haven’t spent Christmas with sons and grandchildren - doesn’t bother us.

Really interesting to hear about all the different ways people organise their families at Christmas! We're a pretty small family so far, only 8 of us will be round the table on Boxing Day. My son now lives with his girlfriend in a different city, so I anticipate further complications in future years, but I think he'll be coming 'home' as usual this year. I've had to be pretty flexible and easy-going so his Dad doesn't make a big fuss about a fair few things over the last 8 years - I think my boy appreciates this! I agree with many of you - it's just a date on the calendar - as long as my family gets together, it doesn't matter on what day!! My Mum is expecting to go to my sister's on the 25th, and my daughter's partner will drive to pick her up on the 26th. We finally live somewhere with a spare room, so she can stay over one or two nights. Now we're just crossing our fingers that my husband, who works nights in a hotel, is rota'd for New Year, and not Christmas!!

For christmas dinner we alternate between our house, daughter, sils and gks and sils parents. Works well for us and means only hosting every 3 years

My husband's children go to their mother and mother-inlaws. My children come to us. It has always been this way...nobody is bothered. They don't actually recognise each other as steps siblings, which is fine by us.

The Bodach and I will be in Gran Canaria, as we have been for the last ten years. Christmas Eve dinner in one favourite restaurant, then on to a favourite bar. Christmas Day by the pool, then a fabulous “ no turkey or sprout” dinner in our very favourite restaurant.

We see family “ as and when”, which seems to suit everybody.

So interesting to read about all your Christmas plans. I'm so sorry for those of you who will not have the Christmas you long for. Like others our Christmas plans have changed a lot over the years - marriages, divorce, grandchildren, inlaws. Lots of flexibility but we all manage to get together at some time. Everybody loves a traditional Christmas lunch but some years I have to cook one three days running! How do others cope with this?!

My ex invites all our 3 plus partners and grandchildren to his, one Sunday early Dec. So it works quite well, as we can all then just please ourselves when we meet up over Xmas.

This year for the first time we'll be celebrating Christmas Day with our eldest son and his wife in their new home. Also present will be our youngest son and my wonderful parents-in-law. My youngest daughter is spending Christmas with her in-laws, so the week before Christmas we'll all get together at her house for a meal. My other daughter is in NZ so that will be a FaceTime call.