When my husband and I married 13 years ago he already had 3 children (from 2 previous marriages) plus 2 step children from his second marriage. I have 2 children. They are now all adults and they are all friends except one step daughter. She has not been part of the 'new' family group for various reasons (geography, different personality etc) but is very close to her own mother. I have only met her a couple of times. She now has 3 small children.
Over the years we have always sent her children christmas presents and my husband (her step father) has been in touch occasionally.. She rarely contacts us. There is no animosity, just no real connection.
This year we have been looking at our finances in relation to all the children's christmas and birthdays. We are both happy to be equally generous to all our birth children and, indeed, have always been generous for birthdays and Christmas to these children and their partners and/or gc.
For no particular reason we have never sent birthday presents to the step-step daughters or their children (who incidentally have a birth father and a new step father/step grandfather on their mother's side).
My husband now thinks, after 13 years, that we should treat them all the same but I feel oddly resistant to this. Mainly because I love all our birth children but feel removed from the other 2 so it seems strange to treat them all the same. On the other hand the 'steps' and the birth children on my husband's side naturally see themselves as equal brothers and sisters.
We have suddenly grown to 7 adult couples and 5 step-step gc. Plus 2 birth gc from my son.
Even writing this it sounds confusing!
I would be very interested to hear of other people's experiences.
