Unwelcome Christmas card

This is so sad Nonnie. I’m glad you have close family coming over tomorrow to help you to remember your son on his birthday. Heartfelt condolences from me too, and it’s really hard to imagine such awful sadness.
Someone earlier mentioned keeping a dignified silence and I agree with that. I don’t think you need to write or explain anything. As you bin the card tear it up - it might help a little!
Come back to us - we are friendly and certainly caring. Just cross the other person out of your mind and out of your life. Value all the people you are close to.

Focus on the people who have been supportive and kind to you and don't give the others any thought. Look forward to seeing your DS3 and DiL and raise a glass to your absent son. Try to focus on all the happy memories you all have of him and every time you remember he lives on in your hearts. Cut the toxic ones out of your life they will only upset you.

So sorry Nonnie. I can’t imagine what you’re going through so just send warmest best wishes.

Nonnie
Condolences to you, that was very thoughtless of them.
This Christmas will be hard enough for you without that.

It's just thoughtlessness nonnie. Probably the sender was on autopilot, and was just ticking names off a list. Try to forget about it, and don't send them a card ever again.

Bonnie deepest condolences what horrendous sadness to lose a son.

The others are right bin it don't let is upset you more this first Xmas will be hard enough ?

A friend who didn't contact you after a tragic loss is no real friend, in my opinion,

Oh Nonnie.

Our children’s birthdays are such special days for us, and hold such precious memories. There is nothing I can say, but I send warm thoughts x

Just about to make him his favourite birthday cake for tomorrow when DS3 and DiL will be here to support us.

Sorry Nonnie, not Bonnie (auto-correct).

I am sorry for your loss Bonnie. Please do as others suggest and bin the card. Then at least you won't have to look at it and be reminded of their insensitivity. Hugs, and may you find strength to take you through this awful time of year for you.

Condolences Nonnie you have every right to feel as you do. The problem is what ever you do it won’t bother the sender. People of their ilk don’t have the capacity to look at the affects of their behaviour on others what ever the circumstances. You have more than enough to cope with at this time and somtimes it’s the little things that can eat you up. So if you can try to put to the back of your mind. Somtimes a dignified silence is best. I’m glad to hear that your getting support from nice people and of course you’ll get lots here. Please take care and know that it’s them not you and their not worth the effort.

I would write and tell them they have upset you, they will never know otherwise. Better for them to know how you feel than you dwell on their thoughtlessness and be upset.

Big hugs from me.

A really difficult time nonnie. I am so sorry for your loss. It must be an impossible time of year. Please don’t dwell on that card. Destroy it if that is your instinct and move away from it. No sense in dwelling or doing anything that might prolong your distress by triggering more correspondence.

Nonnie, so sorry about your loss. I can understand why you feel upset and cross after receiving this thoughtless Christmas card.

You say you are thinking of writing to them explaining how you feel. I think that's a good idea, but don't send it, you may find that you regret it if you do. Instead write away, put everything you feel about them down on paper and then throw it away, or burn it, I hope it will help you find peace without any nasty aftermath or regret that they have made you act out of character, it has certainly worked for me in the past.

Whichever you do, Nonnie, try and put it out of your head, if you can. I know its very hard: I have a catalogue of things that have made me really angry, and really hurt me. I go through them in my head sometimes. Not sure its healthy, but.. well.. people are so strange.

I am sorry you lost your son this year and hope you can survive his birthday and Christmas. Try and enjoy a few specisl moments even though overall it will be very hard.
I also wonder if these relatives condolence card got lost. However rise above it and be polite and caring . Some people don't know what to say or are just plain insensitive. Be grateful for your relatives and friends who are sensitive and loving. Hugs

Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts.

Nonnie Oh dear what a dreadful time for you birthday and Christmas that is so very sad I would say if you know them to be thoughtless then definitely move on and don’t let their lack of compassion and bad manners upset you

Many kind thoughts winging their way to you ? I can’t imagine the pain you are going through xx

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Nonnie

This is perhaps a good time to choose who to keep in your life, and it sounds as if you would be better off without these people. I wish you a peaceful Christmas surrounded only by those you love and who understand and share your loss

Nonnie

Agree with others who have said 'bin it'

BlueBelle I very much doubt they sent anything at all. They could have emailed or facebooked but they didn't. Their daughter did, in fact she PM'd me lots of questions. This simply confirms my opinion of them. I have some wonderful friends and other lovely relatives, just don't need these in my life. Christmas is going to be hard enough as it is and it would have been his birthday on Sunday!

So sorry to hear of your awful loss nonnie, just playing devils advocate here could their message/card have been lost in the post at the time, just a thought
I would not let it spoil your memories of your son and all the other thoughtful people in your life

Just send it back with 'return to sender' on it. They are rude, insensitive and have obviously completely missed the point of Christmas. They put them out of your mind, they are not worth it. So sorry for your loss, and for their hurtful ignorant behaviour.

I hadn't sent them a card. No intention of ever having contact with them again. Told family not to tell them when I die. This is someone who interfered when DS and DiL were having marriage problems and made it all so much worse.

I may well return it and explain why. They once wrote and told me when I forgot one of their DS's birthdays even though they had, at times forgotten my DSs'. Maybe if I tell them they will be more sensitive to someone else in a similar situation.

Oh Nonnie - in the bin and let it go. There are some strange folk around. So very sorry for your loss.