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Christmas

Unwelcome Christmas card

(30 Posts)
Nonnie Fri 15-Dec-17 15:21:06

Just received a card from a close relative who didn't even send a kind word when my son died earlier this year. It has upset me as well as making me cross. What would you do?

Anniebach Fri 15-Dec-17 15:30:15

Nothing you can do, best to ignore it Nonnie as it is causing you upset .

Eglantine21 Fri 15-Dec-17 15:35:15

Yes just put it in the bin. I'm afraid it's just what some thoughtless people do. They don't think about the picture or the wording either...

shysal Fri 15-Dec-17 15:39:28

I am sorry to hear about your son, how awful for you! flowers. Cross the name off your card list and don't give him/her another thought. They are not worth getting upset over. (((hugs))).

phoenix Fri 15-Dec-17 15:42:47

Let it go, Nonnie please don't let it upset you.

When my DS died, (close to Christmas) opening the post was a bit of a minefield, never knew if it was going to be a condolence card or a Christmas one.

Then of course there were some from people who had written their cards early and didn't know that he had died sad

I handed out cards to work colleagues as usual, some were quite embarrassed and said that they hadn't written one to me as they felt it was inappropriate.

Luckygirl Fri 15-Dec-17 15:47:16

Oh Nonnie - in the bin and let it go. There are some strange folk around. So very sorry for your loss. flowers

Nonnie Fri 15-Dec-17 15:56:04

I hadn't sent them a card. No intention of ever having contact with them again. Told family not to tell them when I die. This is someone who interfered when DS and DiL were having marriage problems and made it all so much worse.

I may well return it and explain why. They once wrote and told me when I forgot one of their DS's birthdays even though they had, at times forgotten my DSs'. Maybe if I tell them they will be more sensitive to someone else in a similar situation.

GillT57 Fri 15-Dec-17 16:28:25

Just send it back with 'return to sender' on it. They are rude, insensitive and have obviously completely missed the point of Christmas. They put them out of your mind, they are not worth it. So sorry for your loss, and for their hurtful ignorant behaviour.

BlueBelle Fri 15-Dec-17 16:34:08

So sorry to hear of your awful loss nonnie, just playing devils advocate here could their message/card have been lost in the post at the time, just a thought
I would not let it spoil your memories of your son and all the other thoughtful people in your life

Nonnie Fri 15-Dec-17 16:54:37

BlueBelle I very much doubt they sent anything at all. They could have emailed or facebooked but they didn't. Their daughter did, in fact she PM'd me lots of questions. This simply confirms my opinion of them. I have some wonderful friends and other lovely relatives, just don't need these in my life. Christmas is going to be hard enough as it is and it would have been his birthday on Sunday!

nanaK54 Fri 15-Dec-17 17:23:32

Nonnie flowers

Agree with others who have said 'bin it'

nightowl Fri 15-Dec-17 17:26:12

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss Nonnie

This is perhaps a good time to choose who to keep in your life, and it sounds as if you would be better off without these people. I wish you a peaceful Christmas surrounded only by those you love and who understand and share your loss flowers

BlueBelle Fri 15-Dec-17 17:32:10

Nonnie Oh dear what a dreadful time for you birthday and Christmas that is so very sad I would say if you know them to be thoughtless then definitely move on and don’t let their lack of compassion and bad manners upset you

Many kind thoughts winging their way to you 🦋 I can’t imagine the pain you are going through xx

Nonnie Fri 15-Dec-17 17:38:44

Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts.

mumofmadboys Fri 15-Dec-17 17:40:26

I am sorry you lost your son this year and hope you can survive his birthday and Christmas. Try and enjoy a few specisl moments even though overall it will be very hard.
I also wonder if these relatives condolence card got lost. However rise above it and be polite and caring . Some people don't know what to say or are just plain insensitive. Be grateful for your relatives and friends who are sensitive and loving. Hugs

MissAdventure Fri 15-Dec-17 17:54:15

Whichever you do, Nonnie, try and put it out of your head, if you can. I know its very hard: I have a catalogue of things that have made me really angry, and really hurt me. I go through them in my head sometimes. Not sure its healthy, but.. well.. people are so strange.

shandi6570 Fri 15-Dec-17 17:58:46

Nonnie, so sorry about your loss. I can understand why you feel upset and cross after receiving this thoughtless Christmas card.

You say you are thinking of writing to them explaining how you feel. I think that's a good idea, but don't send it, you may find that you regret it if you do. Instead write away, put everything you feel about them down on paper and then throw it away, or burn it, I hope it will help you find peace without any nasty aftermath or regret that they have made you act out of character, it has certainly worked for me in the past.

cornergran Fri 15-Dec-17 21:34:21

A really difficult time nonnie. I am so sorry for your loss. It must be an impossible time of year. Please don’t dwell on that card. Destroy it if that is your instinct and move away from it. No sense in dwelling or doing anything that might prolong your distress by triggering more correspondence.

Faye Sat 16-Dec-17 05:40:38

I would write and tell them they have upset you, they will never know otherwise. Better for them to know how you feel than you dwell on their thoughtlessness and be upset.

Big hugs from me. flowers

morethan2 Sat 16-Dec-17 06:07:05

Condolences Nonnie you have every right to feel as you do. The problem is what ever you do it won’t bother the sender. People of their ilk don’t have the capacity to look at the affects of their behaviour on others what ever the circumstances. You have more than enough to cope with at this time and somtimes it’s the little things that can eat you up. So if you can try to put to the back of your mind. Somtimes a dignified silence is best. I’m glad to hear that your getting support from nice people and of course you’ll get lots here. Please take care and know that it’s them not you and their not worth the effort.

Antonia Sat 16-Dec-17 10:01:20

I am sorry for your loss Bonnie. Please do as others suggest and bin the card. Then at least you won't have to look at it and be reminded of their insensitivity. Hugs, and may you find strength to take you through this awful time of year for you.

Antonia Sat 16-Dec-17 10:03:02

Sorry Nonnie, not Bonnie (auto-correct).

Nonnie Sat 16-Dec-17 10:06:04

Just about to make him his favourite birthday cake for tomorrow when DS3 and DiL will be here to support us.

nightowl Sat 16-Dec-17 18:57:49

Oh Nonnie.

Our children’s birthdays are such special days for us, and hold such precious memories. There is nothing I can say, but I send warm thoughts x

celebgran Sat 16-Dec-17 19:49:20

Bonnie deepest condolences what horrendous sadness to lose a son.

The others are right bin it don't let is upset you more this first Xmas will be hard enough 💐

A friend who didn't contact you after a tragic loss is no real friend, in my opinion,