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Christmas

Maybe not for the politics thread!

(23 Posts)
merlotgran Thu 21-Dec-17 15:45:10

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
Not a laptop was stirring, not even a mouse
The cook 'below stairs' had a last swig of gin
In the hope that the turkey would fit in the tin

The DGCs nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Moz monsters danced in their heads
With the dogs in their baskets, a cat on my lap
I had just settled down for a last minute nap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
DH stirred in his chair, 'Eh Oop!.. It's Sepp Blatter!'
Away to the window I flew in a flash
'WTF's going on. Is he after our cash?'

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Lit up all the bins that will soon overflow
When what to my bleary old eyes should appear
But some Westminster renegades all in good cheer

The one in the front was so lively and quick
So full of himself you'd think he was Saint Nick
An unruly rabble behind him they came
As he chanted,'Ohhhhh, Jeremy Corbin's my name'

'Come Boris, Come Angela - donner and blitzen!
Juncker says you must pay and you're all off your titzen!
Come out of that porch and get down off that wall
If you climb up those trees don't blame me if you fall'

'As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly
A new Brexit deal will be pie in the sky
So up to the house-top we may as well go
And party with Nicola, Arlene and co.'

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Much cursing and swearing and mutters of 'Strewth!'
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around
Down the chimney our Jeremy came with a bound

He was dressed all in fur and was covered in soot
And there on his back, the imprint of a foot
A smart kitten heel had for once found its mark
With Theresa now scuttling off in the dark.

His eyes - how they twinkled! With smartphone in hand
He shouted, 'I'll soon be the best in the land
'Theresa is toast but I need to act quickly
For the prize to be mine, I must sign up for Strictly!'

The end of a spliff he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath
He belched rather loudly and patted his belly
Nigella had made him a bowlful of jelly.

He was just as I thought, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
He winked as he said I had nothing to fear
'Just pray Donald Trump doesn't nuke North Korea'

He hummed to himself and went straight to his work,
I could just hear the words, 'Michael Gove is a jerk.'
Then a, 'Beam me up, Watson' - a tap of his nose
And a wave of his hand, up the chimney he rose;

With a nod to his sleigh driver, Choo Choo Portillo
Away they all flew as my head hit my pillow
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore grin

minesaprosecco Thu 21-Dec-17 15:48:47

Excellent, merlot, and not too biased!

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Dec-17 15:56:07

I wish we had a [giggle] emoticon!!
Excellent Merlotgran!

tchgrin

Scribbles Thu 21-Dec-17 16:14:56

Excellent, Merlotgran. Clever and funny. Thanks.tchgrin

Nonnie Thu 21-Dec-17 16:19:21

Love it. Do you mind if I share it on Facebook? I won't claim the credit!

Anniebach Thu 21-Dec-17 16:22:28

grin

Cherrytree59 Thu 21-Dec-17 16:36:00

Brilliant Merlot

I'm sure C.C.M is chuckling away.
Better than the turning in the grave that he did when a trump got elected.tchshock

merlotgran Thu 21-Dec-17 16:37:29

I don't mind, Nonnie I think my DD has nabbed it for her End of Term drinkies! I hope they've had a few before she shares it.

lemongrove Thu 21-Dec-17 16:40:20

Oh that’s really very good Merlot ...... cheers! wine

Squiffy Thu 21-Dec-17 17:03:27

Brilliant Merlot! tchgrin

Luckygirl Thu 21-Dec-17 17:13:05

grin - and jolly Xmas wishes!

Primrose65 Thu 21-Dec-17 17:17:10

grin grin Fabulous merlot

BBbevan Thu 21-Dec-17 17:28:10

Brilliant🤶🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻

Nonnie Thu 21-Dec-17 17:48:35

Thanks Merlot I will make a point of saying it wasn't my effort.

Alima Thu 21-Dec-17 17:52:41

Brilliant Merlot! (Have you thought about setting it to music? Now, what music would go? Something upbeat and fun or more caroley?)

merlotgran Thu 21-Dec-17 19:51:56

I've only heard some rather worthy tunes on youTube, Alima and this is not worthy of any of them. shock tchgrin

Thanks everyone for the comments. Glad it raised a titter. I tried it first with Boris as Santa but it just didn't work. Jezza has hidden depths. tchgrin

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Dec-17 19:53:32

Best recited in a dramatic voice methinks

NannyTee Thu 21-Dec-17 19:56:26

Sheer genius. Publish it . Honestly .

Marmight Thu 21-Dec-17 20:21:25

Brillianttchgrin

Smithy Thu 21-Dec-17 21:17:13

Brilliant stuff! You are clever M!

OldMeg Fri 22-Dec-17 07:24:16

Clever tchgrin

NanKate Fri 22-Dec-17 07:33:23

Loved it. Well done Merlot

goldengirl Fri 22-Dec-17 10:14:02

Brought a smile to my face I must say tchsmile