What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

Difficult DIL’s are a nightmare. I just smile and pray things will get better in time. In my case she refuses to buy presents though we are a present giving family. Receiving gifts is a challenge that many can’t hack. It’s the most difficult bit. No wonder so many people duck the whole thing. My mother was s great present giver ( though s poor receiver) and she hasn’t been dead long. It’s very hard to buy presents for everyone and not her. As for my grandchildren she even tells me which books to buy by whom. Basically she is an insecure control freak. I wouldn’t be impressed by a hamper of jams either, hold in there grit your teeth and pass them on. I think it is one of the challenges of Christmas and gifts are an ancient force, the ritual not to be lightly dispensed with. Buy her some bath salts

I would advise check the labels as some of the mrs bridges ranges are low sugar i beleive?they sell them in holland&barretts health food shop too,so may your DIL geniunely thought it was ok for your hubby to eat??

Why not set up an Amazon wishlist with little things you would prefer, and give her a link to that? She'd probably be relieved to not have to think of something.

My worst gift was 'oil of olay'(was ulay back then)creams from a relative of my then new husbands,the first xmas after we married.He was 14 years younger than me,so this didnt go down well! I regifted it,Now we're divorced 14 yrs later im not so bothered.p.s. And no i had no wrinkles,then nor now,due to good skin genes in our family thank goodness.

I'm sorry but you sound incredibly ungrateful. You'd soon moan if they ignored you

Yes,jusk thank them&regift to someone who will appreciate it or food bank the contents.ask for vouchers or shop/book tokens this time or a houseplant/christmas bauble so you have a commemorative decoration for next years tree,to remind you of this year(we add a new one for each year)or some such.or a meal token to dine out?or theatre ticket?The list is endless.if they insist on gifts ASK for what you want,give them a short list to choose one from?

My DD regularly gave me bath toiletries when I only shower. The final straw was the set of antiwrinkle creams which also immediately went to the Age UK shop! After that, I gently said that I would love such and such for Christmas if she had a mind to and from then on the problem was solved.

I know her mindset at Christmas and your DIL sounds the same - busy, busy with work, family and all these presents to buy so that actual thought does not go into it much. I personally am happy with the cards I receive but DD insists.

My son and DIL have for the last couple of years given us tickets for concerts they know we'd like. One year we laughed ourselves silly at Josh Widdicombe, the latest one was for a very enjoyable country music concert. Great presents! Must say I really like Tanith's secret Santa solution though.....?

Cabbie 21.Food hampers would have sell by dates on the items.Does every item contain sugar which DH could not consume but what is to stop yourself from eating them 'in moderation not all in one go' within the sell by dates.Or take the lot to a food bank.
How difficult is it for you to make your family understand you don't need these gifts and unless it will offend them, only you know your family , suggest a contribution to a charity of your choice.

I don't think asking for a donation to a charity is passive aggression if that is what the OP would prefer.

I think generosity means generosity in receiving as well as giving.
I have family members who are a bit blunt about presents they don't like particularly my mother. I don't think that there is any way to let them know that they have bought something that is not much use without it being at least a bit hurtful.
Just accept graciously and pass on. If you have what you need does it really matter that much. Food banks will be glad of it so it will not be a waste of money.

I read somewhere that each Christmas ,the Royal Family buy trivial gifts for each other(mind you their "trivial "may not be the same as my "trivial"

We did Secret Santa for many years until we got to the stage where DH said he would buy his whisky as he could get it cheaper in Sainsbury's and then money was given to him to get it himself.
I like Notspaghetti's idea ,as long as everyone doesn't decide to buy the French Ribbon book when they see it in a Book Remainer Shop.

I think it’s very annoying if you decide a policy of no presents among the adults and them someone breaks this.

I would remind them of the no gifts policy and not buy for them and give the hamper to a food bank. Very silly gift to a diabetic.

Oh please get them to donate a tree, a hen, a pig etc please do something for someone who needs it you obviously don’t
Sent a family message/ text / note whatever you normally use well before Christmas saying I m so fortunate to have everything I need please will you donate to a b or c in my name that will make me so happy
I don’t see how anyone can deny you that
But the thought of so many unwanted unneeded presents when other people have nothing is distressful

Simple, if you receive a hamper say "thank you"then donate to the local food bank they would really appreciate it, but suggest that next time they want to give you a gift a voucher would be great please.

I would just say can I please have flowers for birthdays and Christmas as me and Dh love having them in the house.

My DiL buys expensive but unsuitable gifts. My daughter even tried telling her what I wanted. I regift the presents and often give them to charities for raffles

Tanith, what was the game you said you like? I love games.

could you ask for a bottle of champagne and then share it with them ?

I do understand the frustration of people "wasting" money on me.
I'm notoriously picky (so they say ?) and so have now created a "Giftster" list if things I'd like one day but won't just rush out to buy for myself.
Some things have been on it for a while (a book about French ribbon manufacture springs to mind) - but it's always a pleasure to have a treat I actually fancied!
Now all the family have Giftster and it makes all shopping so much easier.
Why not suggest the use of this in future - maybe when it's someone's birthday - then you are more likely to give and receive things that are actually a treat?

Talk about passive aggressive- isn’t suggesting someone gives the cash to charity rather than buy you a present the ultimate in PA? What an incredibly loaded comment to make in this set of circumstances. Just let it be - the local food bank will be more than grateful

Cabbie21: ^ My son is very busy with work so leaves the present buying to his wife. ^

This is an excuse, I'm sure your daughter in law is very busy too. Why is buying presents always left to the mother?
When my children were small, I used to be given a load of money from my mother in law to buy presents for the family. I had to buy for my mother too, ("we don't know what they would want, and postage is such a lot") So I was buying every present for the children, my husband, my parents, my parents in law, oh and of course Me. Including one for husband to give me. !

Passive aggressive present buying- anything will do to we show we care , actually means we don’t care whether you like the present or not. Such thoughtless giving can be just as hurtful as not buying a present for sone people. Actually the OP would rather they didn’t buy any sort of present. I think you need to be more assertive OP - how about a message such as - “it’s very kind of you to think of me but I would really rather you didn’t get me a present. But if you insist I’d like a donation to x charity.”

For goodness sake, talk about first world problems. Follow the advice of those posters who advise saying thank you and then give to a food bank. Why start a whole palaver of lists and discussions and potential hurt. Just let it be

In our family everyone is asked to provide a list around the beginning of November, with about 6 items on it. There is no guarantee you will get all or, indeed, any of the items on the list, if someone has thought of something you would like but haven't listed. But it drastically reduces the chances of being given something you do not want and excitement of unwrapping isn't lost because you know what you hope to find in your parcels, but you cannot be sure.