What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

Tell them thank you but you'll have to give it back to them and the explanation of diabetes (or whatever) gives them a truthful reason why you can't accept it.

Regift to someone who appreciates such gifts.
Job done.

We have no adult gifts exchanged in our family and it is great .

Surely, Cabbie21 you could come up with something you would be prepared to accept: a hardback book, a magazine subscription, a particular plant for the garden, some luxurious toiletries etc; your son and daughter in law want to give you something so to please them find something for them to give.

Re unwanted or not needed hampers - shortly before Christmas I won one in a raffle. Although it was very nice, the house was (or was soon going to be) stuffed with food anyway, and I felt bad for having won it when someone else could surely really do with it.

I phoned the local Salvation Army office to ask whether they'd like it - someone came to collect it within half an hour!

Ask them to donate to Crisis at Christmas as this would make you happy...someone being taken off of the street and helped.

Annep, I have not had a reply back to the email, which usually means he has given in, if he disagrees then I get a near instant response. It is always treading eggshells with him, but I am determined that he knows he is loved whatever he does or mess he gets himself into!

But but but I need to know what this year’s unsuitable gift was! I feel like this is a cliffhanger

I don't celebrate either Christmas or birthdays but should someone feel that they are compelled to do so then as that is their way of expressing their faith or feelings I wouldn't want to do anything to put them down but rather I would wait for an appropriate time to explain to them the situation and exchange our views which often leads to some interesting discussions.
As for the items given .. as has already been stated .. there are lots of places that can make use of them and the Heart Foundation will take electrical things.

My husband and I don't exchange gifts at either birthday or Christmas. Like cabbie21 said, we don't need anything, and if there is something we want, then we buy it out of our own money, unless it's household related. Our children no longer speak to us, so no problems with gifts there, but with my friends, I do exchange birthday presents, and this year because I am older, less healthy and who knows if I'll be here next year, I am sending Christmas gifts. All have been told I don't want anything in return, I just felt the need to send presents this year. All you have to do surely, is just tell them that if they feel they have to do something, then donate money to charity on your behalf, but please, not to give you presents any more.

I think Gransnet bot selects a thread to put in the email and it gives the impression it's new and active so we click on the link and start posting. Maybe their editor/moderator though it was topical for the time of year.

Crossed posts

How do these old threads get resurrected ? to answer a query / problem a year later doesn't seem right

grrr craicon, I didn't know there was a rule to check the date of the post!

B9exchange I get what you're saying but I wonder is your son ok with that.

Why not just accept it? You should be grateful you receive a gift at all, many people don't.

B9exchange....... what an awesome response ! I totally agree

I have faced a different situation with my son sending a rare email and saying he will not be sending any presents, and does not want a Christmas present from anyone this year, though we are allowed to buy for his children.

I was really hurt. I know they are short of money, largely because he doesn't work. But as I explained to him in reply, giving a present to someone is an expression of your love for them, and to say you don't want anything is actually to reject that love. I would therefore be giving him a Christmas present each year because I love him, and I would be delighted to receive a prettily wrapped bar of chocolate in return; the cost of presents should be entirely what you feel you can comfortably afford. Just take time to wrap it and give it with a loving message on the tag.

Perhaps we are upset when we get something inappropriate because we feel the giver's lack of thought in choosing it means they don't really care about us. But I would never say to anyone 'please don't get me a present' because it could feel like a kick in the teeth to someone who wants to show they care.

After all Christmas is a time to celebrate the greatest gift of love ever given to the Earth, surely we can mirror that in our own tiny ways, even if they may seem clumsy to others?

So be delighted that they want to give you something, smile and accept it with delight, and choose something for them in return. When you thank them, if it really is something that would make DH ill, then you can say 'what a shame your Dad's diabetes will mean I will have to eat them all, goodbye waistline!' and make a joke of it with a broad smile. What you do with it in the New Year is up to you, but your local foodbank would be really pleased to receive it, pay the love forward!

Be grateful that you are not forgotten, as so many are, and regift it if you don’t want to keep it.

It’s not a waste of money just because you can’t use it.

Someone else may actually need it.... regift.

Cabbie21 just be grateful that she has bought you a gift at all. You say she ' just doesn't think' but that could be because she doesn't know you well, no matter how long she has been your DiL. going out or being in another room when you visit sounds to me as though she is not comfortable with you and in cases like that many DiLs would not even bother buying a present.
As other posters have said, pass your goodies on and thank the heavens that you still have a loving son who has not been isolated from his family by his wife..

ask for a gift voucher....this solves all gifts.

I say to my kids if I can't eat, watch it or wash in it don't buy it or ask for useful gifts like petsitting/ help with xx which costs them nothing but time and I find far more valuable. As for gift from a dil a pleasant word or acceptable behagiography would be the best gift from mine

Personally I would go back to the discussion not to give presents, then insist they give the equivalent to a charity of your choice or to give to the homeless or a food bank.

We’ve been doing secret Santa for the adults in our family for years now and has been very successful. In early November we draw the names so we know who we are buying for and an amount is set. We can make suggestions of what we would like. Each adult then has one present they want and it has brought the focus away from presents and back to the enjoyment of being together for the day. It has been so popular that both my daughters have taken it into their in-laws Christmases.

Ask them to give you charity gifts - this year I am giving some Save the Children gifts e.g. a school bag complete with things a child needs to go to school, mosquito nets, train a midwife - there are lots of them. You get a card saying which gift has been given in your name. I am also doing Toilet Twinning - they say "Flushing away poverty, one toilet at a time." Clean toilets don't contaminate your water supply, and they also teach hygiene. www.toilettwinning.org