Dreading christmas

Here’s wishing you a peaceful Christmas, enjoy the time you have together it is precious however it’s spent.

I thought 2017 was a pretty hellish year as far as DH's health was concerned and was glad when it was over but 2018 turned out to be even worse and his life was in real danger in May. Despite a good recovery we have stayed at home apart from occasional trips out for lunch. He has lost confidence in going away so Christmas will be very quiet. We will spend the day with DD1 and the DGSs but they will be going away on Boxing Day.

I'm just glad things have turned out well and fingers crossed, we will enjoy our time together without any further health mishaps. The thought of a quiet Christmas without all the hard work doesn't worry me at all.

I just don't want any more mad dashes to Addenbrookes.

I hope you and your DH have a stress free and enjoyable time over Christmas.

i personally think most people would realise what your situation is and would understand. its important oh doesnt get too many visitors or they stop too long. i am sure a friend or relative will sit with him for an hour while you nip out get some fresh air and any little bits you need. get some shortbread and mince pies then you can offer visitors something to eat and treat yourself to something nice for xmas dinner perhaps go to marks and spencers they have lovely stuff. most important of all is to both of you rest enjoy being together and dont worry if the festive season is not as you expect it to be

Last year when DH came out of hospital in September we were pretty much in your situation and DDs and I thought long and hard about how we could see all the children and grandchildren and them see us over the holiday period knowing that it would all have to be very low key.
Not to put too fine a point on it, the situation didn’t arise as DH slipped away peacefully on the 10th of November so Christmas was very very different.
But looking at what you fear you will be missing, it doesn’t have to be all about family gatherings and Christmas Markets and Carols does it?
11 years ago in early December DH had a perforated bowel and nearly died.
A bowel resection revealed a tumour and Lymphoma was diagnosed. He was whisked off to the Royal Free in London and our Christmas Day was spent with him in hospital with smoked salmon sandwiches and some smuggled in fizz for us the visitors. There were no DGCs st that time so the dog went to Kennels and I “camped” at DD’s flat in London and brought him home at New Year.
In a funny way it was surprisingly enjoyable, no fuss, no Christmas shopping, no cards, no decs, no queuing at the supermarket, just being together and glad he was alive.
Youw will find your way through this very different Christmas, just be thankful you do still have each other and the DGCs still have their Grandad ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sweetpea60....I'm taking it you haven't got/don't want carers going in to help with your husband? I was a Community Careworker for 22 years, and worked Christmas Day, New Year's Day, etc.

The other thing is getting someone to sit with/provide company for/assist you with your husband, whilst you go out for shopping or a bit of a break. Crossroads Care is the company, and they are nationwide.

If people are low and under pressure that is how it is. We try to continue and count our blessings but it isn't always easy.

sweetpea, you have had a difficult year. Could you motivate yourself to order special food for yourself and DH to eat on Christmas Day? You may not want the full Christmas dinner, in fact I am pretty sure you don't, but think of something nice and a bit more expensive than usual, that you and your DH, would love, and perhaps remember from happy moments in the past.

So many foods, sweets, cakes etc are available online, not necessarily, from major supermarkets. Or you could order a small hamper.

Little effort on your part, but a little treat and excitement for the two of you on Christmas day.

Eglantine I agree we should appreciate what we do have. Especially knowing there are those who will be alone this year.

Well I suppose not, old batty. But some of us would think ourselves lucky to have that.

Personally , I wouldn't bother with rejoice. Its not really that helpful. when somebody has fairly big problems.

I would suggest put a time limit on the family visit and keep it fairly simple and low key. That way , you can have some nice times and not feel too stressed.

If you can't find the will to rejoice, then are you able to make the best of your situation as it is now, rather than as it was?
Its the only way you'll come to terms, and have a hope for at least a sort of contented Christmas.

If it’s been a hard year you will be feeling low so ?for you.

Try to get a little respite from 24/7 care. Can anyone sit in while you have coffee with a friend?

However..

You still have your husband
You have a son who visits you
You have grandchildren

Rejoice!