Treating Grandchildren differently

she doesn't give to your children and your grandchildren, therefore she's not singling any one person out, it could be that with ever increasing family she can't afford to do so, plus at her age maybe it's just far too much to deal with.

*sp LOVING

naheed

That’s so sad - well done you for being a living mum and grandma despite this toxic woman.?

Grannyben

My eldest daughter and her child are completely missed out by my ex husband, whilst her younger sister and her children receive very generous gifts.
Sometimes I would love to say "do you remember you have two children" so I fully understand that you are hurt but, as previous posters have said, you have to let it go

Why would you not just say that? I would HAVE to remind him - what an arse.

My late paternal grandparents did a similar things with me and my siblings, basically the girls got gifts and the boys were left out! My mum put that matter straight by saying if all her children can't be treated the same then none of us should have anything, now I'm a grandmother myself I completely agree. My maternal grandmother was fair to the last penny and tended to be over generous so we had to gently remind her to not spend quite so much. My late mum was the same, fair to the last penny, and here again we had to gently remind her to spend less. However, father was different, he clearly had favourites but we let it go as the grandchildren were growing up and they all understood. So, Pracatan, don't try to push you mum into spending where she doesn't want to, keep to your own budget on those that matter to you. I don't want this to have sounded a bit double sided, merely trying to say " let mum spend her money her way " . I don't see that it's your responsibility to make excuses for her, do that and it puts you in a bad light with the children that go without.

You said you had a falling out with her and don't accent her gifts to you. If you've shared this with your children to effect their relationship with her then the outcome is simply normal human behavior to rejection. Too late now considering her age you need to accept responsibility that spurning attempts for gift giving began with you.

Lots of us agree that the OP shouldn't be so concerned/hurt/whatever she feels.
Although she asked for advice she perhaps can't do the sensible thing due to very deep feelings.
I know of no way that those feelings lessen or go purely by choice.
Sorry for your position OP

You say that you do not accept gifts or cards from her so, in a way, haven't you set the tone? Lots of families have rows - some of them quite nasty - but in time the people involved often try to put these rows behind them.

If your daughers and their children are not particularly concerned, I don't think I would give it any more thought.

naheed

Get over it, life's too short. One of my grandsons is showered with money all year round by his other grandma but she doesn't give his brother anything and he couldn't care less.

maybe at 84 she cant be bothered with christmas. or maybe she doesnt have the money to send cards to everyone, be grateful she sends you a card and a present. after all christmas is about giving and not receiving..though it is nice to get a gift.

Do they visit her or call her?

I don’t think I would want to spend Christmas with such a nasty person. To treat your family like this is wicked. Tbh I would probably tell her to keep her present and card that she gives you and certainly wouldn’t buy her anything.

My mum had 6 children, 3 boys and 3 girls. She lost her golden boy a few years ago but because she hated his wife, she didn't like their 7 year old daughter either. This girl is now 16 years old. She never wanted or attempted to see her after my brother'd death. She told me that neither I nor my kids were of any relevance to her because we lived so far away. She told me on numerous occasions that she never liked my younger sisters kids or my other brother's daughter. She says, she likes only the children of my older sister and that she dislikes all the rest. She doesn't like my older sister either. When we ask her why and that what have we or our children done to deserve this, she says that she just feels that way. Until recently, we did all we could to win her love and attention and when we saw there was no hope, we all left her with our youngest brother, his second golden boy. He doesn't mind at all that she hates his wife and his 6 year old child. He doesn't treat her well but makes sure her basic needs are met and all her wealth is in his hands. Strange that she only loved her golden boy and when he died that love was directed to her youngest son. She doesn't like her second son because he suffers from mental illness which was caused largely because of her behaviour since our childhood. She's 82 years old and if once she cared a bit hiding her true feelings towards us, she couldn't care less about it over the past 6 years. She never gave me a birthday present but she'd never forget to give presents to her golden boys and her 2 favourite grand children without hiding it. It all hurts like hell. Mothers can be very cruel and damaging to their children. Thank goodness, these types of mothers are not the norm. I'm really sorry Paracatan that your mum's so insensitive towards you and your children. I've 3 children and only 2 grand children. I adore them all and am so fortunate to have a lovely daughter and a son in law.I try to give them all the love I have so they don't suffer the deprivation of it. None of them ever mention my mother or even ask how she is. They don't care any more but they don't understand how painful it still is for me to have mum like this.

Hope you'll have a lovely time over Christmas with your children as I shall.

Do they ever visit her? If the answer is no then what's the problem?

plus, my parents don't moan about a lack of thanks. it was just another side.

you are judging based on one side.

there aren't 2 sides to being mean. You give from your heart, not because you want to sit and moan about a lack of thanks.

no matter how flat you make a pancake, there are always 2 sides! My 90 year old parents still try to give money and cards to their grandchildren and great grandchildren, and some of them can't even be bothered to say thank you or cash the checks! :/

I know a 94 year old who is just as mean.

How very sad to get to the age of 84 and be so mean spirited, I would leave her to it let her wallow in it - her loss in the end.

game playing narcissist

....’be the change you want to see’ ...I like that Grampie....I’m gonna try that.

Do you know what, I might take up the keyboard so I can really be by namesake

Yes this is exactly the problem. My Mother told me what she was buying for my Sisters' children and grandchildren for Christmas, thinking that I would not say anything and that type of behaviour was OK hence me being so hurt by it, its like she rubbing my nose in the fact that she is excluding all of my Family and therefore having a direct impact on me.