Gransnet forums

Christmas

Unwanted present

(62 Posts)
Madgran77 Wed 26-Dec-18 17:28:19

If you were given a present that you didn't want would you send it back to the giver? That has happened to me, informing me that the person doesn't like it. Wondering what others think ...I'm feeling a bit taken aback, as I genuinely thought the item would be a treat for the person I gave it to.

mcem Mon 31-Dec-18 13:02:08

Depends on the family dynamic I think.
Whenever I buy for DDs or GC I ask them to let me know if it's unsuitable as I'd rather exchange it for something they like. Better that than a show of politeness and the gift lurking in a drawer until they dispose of it.
It works with us but I'd never do it outwith the close family circle!

SueDoku Mon 31-Dec-18 12:25:50

When I first met my now DIL, I was horrified when she did this - then we got to know her (lovely) family better, and found out that because there were six children, and their DF was, sadly, killed when they were young, their custom had been to put together and buy one really nice present for each person. If this didn't fit/wasn't to their taste, they would change it. As they grew up and all started work, the presents obviously became more numerous - but the custom of only accepting exactly what you liked/wanted remained...
It explained such a lot - and I now run everything past DS before buying, and accept anything returned with a smile (donate to charity shop and don't feel compelled to replace the gift). DIL is loved & appreciated very much smile

BlueSapphire Sun 30-Dec-18 22:50:45

Oh my goodness, I had to tell DH once that I didn't really like a present and it was so difficult. He bought me some ear-rings that looked like little battle-axes/hatchets, and were just not to my taste. Thank goodness he didn't take offence and we went to the shop and changed them for some little stud ear-rings. Mind you, he always used to preface each present giving with "if you don't like them you can change them". Bless him. I miss him.

tinaf1 Sun 30-Dec-18 16:55:19

Agree it is really bad manners and very hurtful, OK so it might not be to your taste or you may not use but just say thanks and when appropriate either regift it or take it to charity shop,
Had to smile one year when my son showed me a gift from his aunt my sister in law turned out to be the vase we had bought her the year before ( at least it was kept in the family?)
I would be very upset if that happened to my dad Grandma KT

EthelJ Sun 30-Dec-18 15:53:46

I would never dream of giving someone back a gift they have given me. And Grandma KT I think that is terrible. Your poor father. If someone has gone to the trouble and expense of buying, wrapping and giving a gift the least the recipient can do is accept it with grace.
I am always grateful for whatever I am given,it's just lovely to be thought of.

Beau Sat 29-Dec-18 21:25:53

My SIL is the worst for putting anything anyone buys for him in a drawer and it never sees the light of day again. I think it's rude as these are nice things which he could use (an expensive bathrobe from DD, a leather toiletries bag from me because he was using a 'free gift' one etc.) Now I don't buy him anything and I told him why - he doesn't mind and understands why we don't bother now.

Deedaa Sat 29-Dec-18 20:45:53

I think this is the height of rudeness. I've got one or two presents friends have given me that aren't my choice, buy it would never occur to me to hand them back. Some things can be passed on to other people, others I keep because it's nice to think that they wanted to give me something.

NanaandGrampy Sat 29-Dec-18 20:28:00

I don’t have a problem regifting either notanan, often makes sense.

notanan2 Sat 29-Dec-18 17:26:04

I have never been given a gift I didn’t want because they are given with love and you can’t have too much of that !

I have never been given a gift I didnt appreciate
But I have been given gifts I couldnt "use"
And its wasteful IMO to not use things so I find somewhere where it will be useful to pass it to if I cant make use of them

NanaandGrampy Sat 29-Dec-18 17:22:53

I have never been given a gift I didn’t want because they are given with love and you can’t have too much of that !

jeanie99 Sat 29-Dec-18 16:39:58

That is so rude, I can't believe anyone would do that.

We don't buy gifts for anyone outside the family and usually have a Christmas list so pick from that.
I always leave a receipt for clothing with the gift just in case it doesn't fit and needs returning for any other reason.

Mapleleaf Sat 29-Dec-18 14:37:04

I can't believe the bad manners of some people!
Accept gratefully, say nothing. Why hurt someone's feelings?
An unwanted gift can always be donated to a charity at a later date, but you should never, ever upset someone and throw their kindness back in their face.

Melanieeastanglia Fri 28-Dec-18 23:50:57

I would not rudely return a gift. If it didn't fit, I might politely ask if it was possible to exchange it.

When I give people presents, I enclose a gift receeipt. No embarrassment if you do this.

arosebyanyothername Fri 28-Dec-18 23:45:45

That’s awful! I might possibly ask if they still had the receipt if it was something the wrong size but otherwise smile and say thank you.

M0nica Fri 28-Dec-18 23:44:18

Ill-mannered and rude. Do not buy for them again and if she sends you anything next year send it back.

And GrandmaKT I think your DD;s behaviour is unacceptable as well. Especially the way she treats the gifts her grandfather sends her. She should keep thm a year or two and then give them to charity. If they are just small pieces of costume jewellery they will not take up much space. A charity shopw ill always be glad to have the gifts as donations.

GrandmaKT Fri 28-Dec-18 22:59:48

My Dil has rejected several gifts over the years, both for herself and the GC. I suppose I wouldn't want her to just put things away and not use them, but it did come as a bit of a shock when we first got to know her when she'd say "Thank you, but I won't be using/wearing/keeping it"!
My elderly father, who doesn't have much money, but is very kind, always sends her a little something for Christmas (usually a little piece of costume jewellery), and she tosses it straight in the bin!
I suppose it's good to be truthful, but it does hurt.

PhiPhisnana Fri 28-Dec-18 22:45:18

I wouldn’t ever do that unless someone had the receipt and it was an issue around size (thinking slippers/clothes etc). If it was anything else I would accept it with grace. Keep it for a while and then donate it to a worthy charity shop.

Lynne59 Fri 28-Dec-18 21:38:21

My brother is a bit rude like that. On his 70th birthday, I spent about £80 on a gift for him - he didn't open it until the following day, and then said he'd never use it - so I took it back!

Today, he asked me if I'd like a book he doesn't want - one his son bought him for Christmas. I got my brother and his wife a voucher to use in a nice restaurant in town. He said he wouldn't want to go, but perhaps I could go, with his wife. CLOWN.

Madgran77 Fri 28-Dec-18 21:05:33

I agree notanan. It has never happened to me before!

notanan2 Fri 28-Dec-18 20:40:35

NOOOO I find a good home for it elsewhere if I wont use it but I never say so!

Izabella Fri 28-Dec-18 18:13:24

Interestingly our grandson dismissed some gifts until he found something more to his liking. He was NOT corrected, then or since ?

labazs1964 Fri 28-Dec-18 18:08:07

very rude thoughtless and height of bad manners

lemongrove Wed 26-Dec-18 20:21:01

Madg... it’s the height of rudeness to do that, always!
I would be taken aback too.

H1954 Wed 26-Dec-18 20:19:21

Oops, Not seen for SOME years!

H1954 Wed 26-Dec-18 20:18:17

Nooooooo! Never, ever give a present back!!!!!! That is so hurtful, ungrateful and rude! Don't get me wrong, I get more pleasure from giving a gift than receiving one but in our family circle we consult about gifts for the GC etc so the chances of getting it wrong are very very slim. And I agree with Ginny, don't buy next year. Whilst I stated that I don't not buy a gift to receive a gift, what I do like is to get an acknowledgement and a thank you for my gift; I made a beautiful gift for an old friend last year who I had not seen for me years but we were back in touch and I thought it would be a lovely gesture. I didn't get an acknowledgement for nearly two months and even then not a thank you! Didn't bother this year. Manners cost nothing!