I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

This struck a chord with me. My Dad died when I was 24 before children, we went to Mams for Xmas day, Then had my daughter an only child at 27 years of age. Every Xmas we went to my Mams for a total of 24 years until my daughter left home, Mam always wanted us to go there. We could never get our own traditions at all had to follow Mams and all my daughter remembers even now is having to go there every year, I vow never to inflict that on her. He needs to follow his own traditions and being a lovely son will probably invite you there,

do something for you and your sister and have a very different Christmas you are still seeing them over the Christmas it's just one day x

For goodness sake count your blessings. I too should have had a 2 months old baby to cuddle this Christmas and I wouldn't have given a toss whether that was in January or June, but my daughter has miscarried this longed for baby and we are all bereft.

I spent a few of the festive periods assisting Crisis at Christmas. Found the time passing all too quickly!

I know how you are feeling but it is only a day. Make the day you see your family your Christmas Day.
My younger son now has 3 children & I fully appreciate that it is lovely for them to be together as a family on 'the day' when the children are so excited.
We did the same when ours were young & had the day at our home with just the children( plus I got fed up with my step mother's parents moaning my boys were 'noisy'.- they were actually very well behaved children)
You will still have a lovely time with your family- the date is not really important & at least there should be a half decent film on TV!

I would be sad if my son and his wife where separated on Xmas Day,they should be making memories themselves in their own home,your son is married and should whilst considering you he should always put his wife first
You and your sister have the perfect opportunity to start making your own plans for xmas day now and making new memories as your son and his wife will have a child to consider from now on.

Dear me , it’s June!! Why are you worrying about Christmas Day?? ..... personally I’m happy with whatever my grownup children and grandchildren do on Christmas Day.. we have never got into a routine... do different things every year..... I want my children to do what THEY want and not feel obliged...... could you do some volunteering over Christmas? There’s always help needed....

Amicoolyet You don't need to apologise for your feelings of anxiety. Most of the people posting here have had their own fears aired - that's what GN is here for.

I quite understand your feelings because Christmas Day is very special and if you have always spent it with your son, then it's like the end of an era, isn't it?

My son has always spent Christmas with me despite so many times in the past being invited to parties and BBQs - and my urging him to go. He never would.

But now, because I'm the one who has suggested it, he and his partner and her little boy, have had the last few Christmas Days entirely to themselves.
They may come to me on Boxing Day, although in 2018, they came on 24th instead.

I have two main reasons for suggesting they stay home together.
1. I won't always be here and I don't ever want their Christmas Day to be spoiled by thinking Mum is usually here which I know would be the case.

2. I'm lucky enough to see my son regularly, so it really doesn't matter what the date is. It probably matters more to people who only see their families occasionally so Christmas Day become a big family celebration.

I don't have a big family, there are only two of us.

I have often thought I'd like to go away at Christmas to an hotel which puts on a nice Christmas entertainment but unfortunately, 25th December is summer and the most expensive tourist time, so the cost of 2 days in an hotel would buy my groceries for a whole year....no exaggeration.

But so you are not sitting alone and feeling sad, please start planning now to do something really exciting, interesting or even altruistic over Christmas.
Then you won't have 6 months of sadness but a sense of anticipation.
Happy Christmas!

This is why I hate christmas. It brings so much unnecessary misery to anyone who is either lonely or insecure, and as we have seen here, that misery can begin as early as June.

I am not in your situation, though I am widowed just over a year ago. I do have four youngsters though. Two live abroad. I spend Christmas day with our eldest, his wife and family along with her parents now. Though this year it will just be her mom too, as her dad has just passed.

I do empathise with change though. Please ignore the remarks of its only June and the like. For me me its good you are talking about this now and that they have forewarned you so you have time to get used to it and plan something else.

Maybe you could do some voluntary work Christmas morning or the like. Christmas is about giving. You can then see your son in the afternoon.

Lots of places need help as they need help preparing Christmas meals for the homeless etc is just one idea.

I am glad they have given you all time to get used to the idea. Try and think out of the box as it really is a bit changing your mindset.

Enjoy your new grandchild too

Christmas is massively overrated!

My husband and myself always spend, by choice, Christmas Day on our own, we usually go for a walk, don’t bother with Christmas lunch, our son usually comes around in the evening.

Then Boxing Day anyone who wants to come is welcome, including extended family, my husband cooks a feast, and most of them stay a couple of days

But if one year nobody wanted to come, that would be fine

As someone has said, it’s just one day in the year, not worth getting stressed about

Having said all of that, we’ve had our fair share of Christmas dramas, mostly with my in-laws putting pressure on us to spend it with them, and obviously then feeling we had to invite my family as well, so I’m happy to let all my children do whatever they like

I am alone at Christmas and I do dread it. Although this year I will be in a new home. I am buying a bungalow for over 55's and am moving next month. I daresay they will all be with their families as well. I will be near the school and church I used to work in though so will have company on Christmas day.

It is awful when you see neighbours going off out or having visitors. I have a dog but when you go out for a walk there is no one around.

Ive spent the last 8 xmases on my own, its just another day. I get a few treats in for myself and binge watch the tv. My son will skype so I can see my grandson open his presents that I bought him. ( he lives 150 miles away) They day passes like any other.

This IS me reaching out too. Years ago,newly widowed, I tried being on Gransnet - hence my username Viv Once, and found it entirely unsympathetic. I rejoined this month, contributed to various threads and my view is unchanged.

amicoolyet each generation must make their own traditions. Once my DD married I never expected we would be part of their Christmas Day but each year we still spend it with them and their now 2 children, but due to their work commitments in the early days we would 'move' Christmas Day if either was working. My DS split from his partner and we now only see my DGD on Christmas Day every other year, so we continue with 'moving' our Christmas Day. Surely it doesn't matter whether it's Xmas Eve, Xmas Day or Boxing Day as long as you all celebrate together at some stage. Let them have their little family Christmas and spend it with your sister.

Some of the replies have been really unsympathetic. What you feel is what you feel and reaching out for a bit of support while thinking it all through seems brave and positive to me.

Do you see your son during the year apart from Christmas? My son would now be 53. He died age 28. I would give the world to be in your shoes.

No criticisms from me, OP, I think it's good to get your feelings out in the open to deal with it in good time and think about what you'll be doing, it is s milestone and aif you get your feelings out if the way now you'll be able to plan what to do instead and look forward to the coming grsndchild. People are implying that you've been selfish splitting up your son and his wife but none of us without further info can say you have been. Maybe it's his in-laws who have been insisting their daughter goes every year, wouldn't think of inviting you and you have a thoughtful son who doesn't like to think of his mum being on her own. Maybe he's been g glad not to have to go to the in-laws, all those years and it's only now with the coming child that they can break away. maybe things will be different in years to come too. It's bound to feel bittersweet and ok to have mixed feelings at the thought of something new

I’m not sure what’s worrying you most...not seeing your son on Xmas day....not seeing your grandchild....or being alone that day. Or maybe all of it! Anyway, it is what it is, and I think I would just accept it, go with the flow...and start thinking of something else, other than what is happening on one day of the year. I know it maybe isn’t panning out how you may have imagined it but one of the challenges of becoming older, is that we find we can’t control things in the way we maybe used to. Try to divert your attention away from Xmas and your son and his family, and more towards your own life. I actually did exactly the same thing on our first Xmas with our baby. I wanted it all for ourselves and held it against my in laws who kicked up a fuss because we chose to be at home on our own. I’ve never forgotten it!?. Don’t be like that.....

I spent last Christmas apart from my family for the first time ever. This was because I am no longer in a fit state to travel the 200 miles to be with them, and we decided the children should be at home to open their Christmas stockings, not in some hotel room as they would have to be if they came to spend Christmas with me.

It was absolutely fine. We used FaceTime to see each other, and then they came here a few days later. There was no problem at all. In fact I very much enjoyed my first ever peaceful Christmas Day!

I am not sure quite sure how many Christmases I spent on the opposite side of the world from my daughter and my grandchildren. There are telephones, there is Skype, there is e-mail, there is texting – there are so many ways to keep in touch.

A new grandchild isn't just for Christmas – in other words, there is a whole big future of joy ahead. Like most of us here, you can forge a loving relationship with her/him and, potentially, her/his future siblings. Trust me – it's glorious.

Sorry this will sound harsh
a) talking or even thinking about Christmas in June is awful please concentrate on the summer and autumn and your new grandchild arriving, embrace your life daily without spoiling it by jumping so far ahead
b)you are being very unreasonable and dare I say selfish build your own life up and anything beyond that is a bonus

for years my son and daughter in law have spent Christmas Day apart don’t you think that has been awful for them straddled between two needy families they should have stopped this the year they became their own family unit and you shouldn’t have encouraged it Did you never feel guilty that your son was coming to you when he should have been with his wife ? I ve never heard of a young couple splitting up for Christmas Day to placate needy parents
it just feels unfair do you really really think it’s unfair Its definitely been unfair to the couple
I can’t help feeling jealous and sad you have nothing to be sad about you should be joyous you obviously have a lovely caring son and a patient kind daughter in law and a new babe on the way What a blessed life
Please give them a break let them enjoy their new child without you making them feel guilty, and start to think with great positivity of the wonderful life you already have and will continue to have even when this silly habitual Christmas visit has ceased
I m sorry this has been such a critical post but it really has shocked me
Good luck and have a wonderful time with your new grandchild without encroaching on your son and his family

It's only one day of the year ! So as grandparents we move on and accept that things can't stay the same forever.

My adult children live 600 miles apart - one near me and one far away. We never have Christmas Day together - I usually spend one day around Christmas with my son and his children ( not Christmas Day, ever, since the children go from him to their mother halfway through that day and it is a logistical nightmare ! They don't need me sitting there expecting to have a visit !)

Then at some other time, my daughter and her family fly here to visit me and the inlaws, so we have time together but not obviously on Christmas Day . Last year we spent an evening driving around looking at Christmas lights, and another one going to a carol concert.

So as grandparents we accept that we're not "the centre of their universe" and we move on. I've had several Christmas days on my own - it's just another day and you make the most of it. You'll be fine.

Your right M0nica, I for one am green with envy!!

But I understand how Ami feels. Its a jolt to the system. An end of an amicable arrangement.

Sometimes it just takes a little time and some comforting advice to prepare for the new stage.

Everyone is different.

Come back and let us know what your plans are for Christmas Amicoolyet. I for one would be interested to know how it goes.

I can’t understand why your son and daughter in law have had to spend Christmas apart for all these years. Could they not both have come to you and then her parents in alternate years?
Could you not have gone to them?
I know the emotional baggage which accompanies Christmas can have huge repercussions in some families, but once you start always doing a “particular” thing at Christmas, there will be tears before bedtime once the pattern changes. This new baby is exactly the best reason for a change of habit.
Could you not spend Christmas with your sister one year?
Did your son’s in-laws not find it odd that the young couple spent every year apart?
I am still trying to get my head round it
Or am I missing something?