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I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

(134 Posts)
Amicoolyet Fri 14-Jun-19 17:08:24

Bit of background - I’m widowed, we only had one child, my DS. Luckily my sister lives on the same street as me and I have a lot of friends where I live!
For years my DS and his wife have spent Christmas Day apart, with DS coming to me and having Christmas lunch here and DIL going to her parents and doing the same. DS and DIL would then spend Boxing Day together. They both felt there was no need to change things until they started a family of their own and it was a nice arrangement really as I got to enjoy many more Christmas’ with my son than I thought I would have.
This year they are expecting their first baby and so this Christmas will be different, it will be a couple months old by then and they’ve said they would like to have Christmas Day to themselves (though son will probably pop round in the afternoon and let mother and baby have a snooze) and they’ll either see me on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day (And see her parents on the day they don’t see me).
I can’t help feeling jealous and sad. In all fairness they’ve never actually spent a Christmas Day together and that has meant I’ve had my son to myself for a lot longer than I expected so I know I’m being a little selfish, and I know I have my sister who is also alone I could be with but it just feels unfair..but then again my DIL isn’t seeing her parents on Christmas Day either and both sides of family will see the grandbaby either side of Christmas Day. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. sad

lemongrove Fri 14-Jun-19 17:13:09

It’s the middle of June for heavens sake!

lemongrove Fri 14-Jun-19 17:14:01

Is it a bank holiday today?

Greenfinch Fri 14-Jun-19 17:15:01

You will be seeing them all at Christmas and not only DS. There will be a new little baby to enjoy and cuddle. Look upon it as something different and exciting and I am sure your sister would be delighted to spend Christmas Day with you. It will be a lovely Christmas.

Amicoolyet Fri 14-Jun-19 17:15:07

Sorry I know it’s 6 months away it’s just me thinking ahead and knowing this year is going to be different with the family dynamics changing sadsmile

silverlining48 Fri 14-Jun-19 17:16:29

Definitely not jealous and sad. Count your blessings. There are many. Your son spending every Christmas with you is something many of us might wish for but rarely would that happen.
Of course it’s not unfair for them to be together this Christmas, and you will still get to see your new grandchild. The best gift of all. Congratulations.

EllanVannin Fri 14-Jun-19 17:19:13

I'm sure you'll have other things to think about between now and Christmas-----I know I have.

leyla Fri 14-Jun-19 17:21:11

I am sympathetic. Try not to dwell on the negative and instead concentrate on the positive. The following year when your grandchild is older maybe they might invite you to their home?
Get together with your sister and or friends and organise something lovely to do. Maybe stay in a hotel overnight? Remind yourself that it’s only 1 day!

Niobe Fri 14-Jun-19 17:21:25

My son and DiL did the same until they had a baby and now both sets of grandparents are invited to their house for Christmas day. Last Christmas was brilliant! You have had your son to yourself for this long , time to accept that he needs to put his wife and child first. You are in danger of causing a rift with them with this attitude.

wildswan16 Fri 14-Jun-19 17:21:35

It sounds like the arrangements are exactly as they should be. Of course your son and his wife want to be together with their baby. I expect if they invited you then they would feel they must invite DILs parents as well and that would all get too much.

It will feel different for you, but this is exactly what family life is all about. We have our children for a few years and then they move on and establish their own traditions and routines. You are so lucky to have your family nearby so that you can see them often.

Septimia Fri 14-Jun-19 17:23:54

It is a long way off and things may yet change. Still, I do understand how you feel. When my DS was little we spent Christmas Day with my parents (who were next door!) and got up very early on Boxing Day to drive to the other end of the country to spend the rest of the holiday with my in-laws.

When DS married and had a family I said that I'd be happy as long as I could see them some time over the holiday period. Consequently arrangements change each year and sometimes they spend most of Christmas with us or us with them. Since DS left and my parents and in-laws died we've had a couple of Christmases alone - the first ever. That seems very strange. However, we've visited neighbours instead.

I'd let them have this year and then see what happens. You could suggest varying things each year or maybe they'll come up with a good idea. Just enjoy the baby!

Buffybee Fri 14-Jun-19 17:25:33

Book a Christmas Day Meal somewhere for you and your sister and just enjoy your day.
Of course, they want to spend Christmas Day as a family.
I'm sorry to have to say this but I think that it's a bit odd and self centered that you are jealous and sad and think it is unfair because your Son, quite rightly is going to spend Christmas Day with his wife and baby.
Are you not excited to be having a first Grandchild?
Seriously, are you for real?

Amicoolyet Fri 14-Jun-19 17:25:37

Please understand I have no intention of causing a rift and of course I have to let go of my DS at some point, and I realise how lucky I have been that he’s married and worked close by, I have just been aware of the changes and although I am terribly excited to be a grandma I just wanted to share anonymously and seek support and suggestions as I know I’m not going to be the only gran/grandad who’s experienced this! But it’s all new to me x

Ngaio1 Fri 14-Jun-19 17:26:55

I have been on my own on Christmas Day for years. It is only one day for crying out loud!! Buy exactly what you will enjoy to eat - I have Lobster - have a good walk and then relax. The next day things are back to normal for a lot of folk.

tanith Fri 14-Jun-19 17:42:54

I haven’t spent Christmas with my son and his family for at least 10 yrs he moved abroad and I understand they love Christmas at home circumstance meant I couldn’t go to them. I don’t like it but it is what it is be thankful for what you’ve had and now you need to fit in with their plans.

whywhywhy Fri 14-Jun-19 18:08:27

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this in June. I do know how you feel though as my son used to spend every Christmas Day and some of Boxing Day with me until they had a child. Then recently I found out that my DIL parents have been going to their house every christmas day morning for brunch and I have never been invited, ever. My GS is 13 and GD is 10! I feel hurt. We live about 20 miles from them and I am sure we could have got there and back to do the christmas dinner ok. I usually drop the presents off before Christmas and have to text to see if they even like them. So make the most of what you have because you dont know how lucky you are. Arrange to have them either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and spend a lovely day with your sister. Enjoy.

Madgran77 Fri 14-Jun-19 18:13:04

I think you are lucky that they are carefully considering how to meet their own needs as well as ensure that you are not entirely alone!
It is one day, and as they are coming to you at some point over the Xmas period just plan a nice time for when they come and then arrange a nice time with your sister on Xmas Day. Change happens ; its hard I know but that's the way it is.

GrandmaKT Fri 14-Jun-19 18:19:48

Good heavens! Concentrate on looking forward to your new grandchild. Christmas Day? As others have pointed out, it is June! It's not even as if you'll be on your own at Christmas - you'll have your sister. (What would happen to her by the way if you were invited to your DS on Christmas Day - would she be on her own?) You need to think about how lucky you are having family close by,who can 'pop round' a lot of grandparents on this site would love that.

fizzers Fri 14-Jun-19 18:37:12

make arrangements with your sister - she's alone, what does she normally do?

3dognight Fri 14-Jun-19 18:41:43

I realise all families do their own thing, but as others have said its only one day. It sounds as though you have a lovely son and daughter in law, who have split themselves on Christmas Day to accommodate you.

Have you thought of just going out for a Christmas meal with your sister, and telling your son you will be out, and not to worry about popping round this year. He may be relieved just to be able to chill out with his wife and baby all day.

There is nothing to be sad or jealous about.
There is enough love to go round.

Elvive Fri 14-Jun-19 18:54:44

Are you a Christian? In which case this is of enormous importance to you.

If not forget it.....and put your name down to volunteer somewhere.

crazyH Fri 14-Jun-19 18:55:10

Amicool, why are you sad? Your son has spent all xmases with you. I am of the opposite opinion. When my children got married, I said I didn't mind where they spent Xmas, as long they spent it together. I have a thing about couples being apart for Xmas lunch. I'm on my own, so, I rotate between the 3 children.
Why do t you spend the day with your sister and see your son at some point. Nothing to get sad about. They are not ignoring you totally. Just enjoy the day, wherever you are spending Xmas. And it's 6 months away 😂

love0c Fri 14-Jun-19 19:07:34

You are obviously feeling very sad about the thought of spending Christmas Day as such without your son. However, you will get to see him on the Day and spend time with him and his family ( your grandchild) included on another day too. I think this means you are lucky really. Enjoy the day with your sister. She sounds to be totally alone if not for you. Your son is not spending the day with your DIL's family which is so often the case. Our first Christmas Day alone was pretty sad but was made far worse because our DIL's mother rung me up to say how much she was looking forward to Christmas as everybody was going to spend it at her house! The other daughter and family were also coming over from abroad too. A full house! She also said 'you will be alone as your other son is away travelling isn't he? Well, have a lovely Christmas, bye'. Thank God you haven't got to cope with that.

nanny2507 Fri 14-Jun-19 19:12:34

embrace it and then Christmas day you can go and help at a homeless shelter thats serving lunch to those who have nothing?

Doodle Fri 14-Jun-19 19:15:15

When my son and DIL had their first child they chose to spend the first Christmas Day with her parents and Boxing Day with us. I was a little jealous (perhaps more than a little). 8 months later my DIL’s father died. He never got to spend another Christmas Day with his grandchild. It is something I think of a lot. Whenever I feel jealous I think about all the wonderful times we have had with our DGC and I am so glad he got that one Christmas Day. I think of it often. It’s just a day. Be thankful they want to see you at all. Many would give everything they have to spend some time with their DGC. Count your blessings.