What comes first our health or Grandchildren's emotional welfare

Same idea from me as Nico
Write a little card to each grandchild saying how much you love them
Enclose a relevant photo.

Take a photo of what you write as a record for future reference to remind them what you did at the time - put a date on it.

You can do do more, sadly.

So sorry to hear this Barneysmommy you must be feeling truly heartbroken. Have you thought about writing each grandchild a little letter, which contains a specific reference to something that's meant something between you. They can then read it and know that they will always be in your thoughts until such a time comes around that contact is resumed ? Take care

Your health comes first to be useful for any of them.

I just wanted to pop in and wish you well for tomorrow and give you my good wishes
Do make sure the girls no this is not you’re doing and that you are desperate to carry on seeing them but it is against your will to do so
Do they have phones can you keep up contact that way I would do each child a memory box with letters or cards postcards little trinkets for them to find when they are old enough to visit independently Is it 16 or 18 when they are able?
Very very sad but you never know what is round the corner my lovely mum in law was a great believe4 in ‘one door closes another opens’
Much love and thoughts to you it may come out ok fingers crossed xx

I am also so sad for you
You have been so brilliant for your grandchildren for many years. They will never forget this.

You have been given really good advice from other Grans. I hope your health recovers and also your poor DH.

Maybe in the future there might be an unexpected positive turn of events.
The mother might change her tune once she has control.......I hope things work out.

I'm so sorry Barneysmommy I'm sure the girls will understand but be sad as you are. I hope relationships can be improved in the future.

Barneysmommy o for all those helpful gransnet buddies. I am in court tomorrow to withdraw my Application for contact. then Tomorrow afternoon I have to tell the girls they won't be seeing us until they are able to contact us. I have taken on board the things i need to tell them but today my heart is breaking

I am so so sorry this has happened to you. I believe your girls are old enough to remember you and your care and that they will contact you when they can.

So for all those helpful gransnet buddies. I am in court tomorrow to withdraw my Application for contact. then Tomorrow afternoon I have to tell the girls they won't be seeing us until they are able to contact us. I have taken on board the things i need to tell them but today my heart is breaking

How awful and distressing. I can only say that if you don’t put your health first, you’ll most likely end up not seeing them anyway. It’s the old put your own mask on first, before helping others on the plane! I do think , due to your health, you need to stand back and let the parents sort it out. You’re no good to your grandchildren if you’re both so unwell or worse. When they’re older, they’ll understand and appreciate all you tried to do. All the best.

I think that given you have the support of the Judge and psychologist, is it possible to try and put pressure on the Local Authority perhaps you could get further advice on this? Although I appreciate this is further stress on you.

I've personally heard of two cases recently, social services have basically pushed support and/or action towards grandparent rather than act themselves...no doubt the funding and resource argument.

Your health has to come first. That said your son needs a family law solicitor and probably needs to undertake a few courses such as anger management and the damage it causes in relationships. Then get the courts to look again at their ruling, they've stated the kids have no secure attachment to their mother and she's shown herself to be manipulative and deceitful, so she should be the one the courts place restrictions on. If your son shows willing in controlling his understandable anger by paying for his own courses and gets himself some counselling they should be willing to look at him more favourably especially if he has your support too. I think courts ask too much of grandparents quite frankly and it's really not fair.

Yes of course your health must come first,but you can explain to the girls as theyre older now,and tell them you'l keep up contact other ways,phone,skype,letters etc.also try keep up this with the youngest,its not his fault he's been 'hoodwinked' by his mum.keep trying and keep in touch.send presents/cards for them with your son when he goes to his contact visits.and keep up all your health care visits.im sure you'l be better for a short break from it all and when you feel better you can try again for at least contact visits,its all better than nothing.

Barneysmommy, as long as you let your grandchildren know how much you love them, it will stay with them, whether you are able to continue fighting for them or not.

I had a wonderful relationship with my paternal grandmother until I was 11, when she died. I'm 54 now.

As you say, if you maintain your health, you can reestablish your relationship with them when they're older and able to independently contact you (THAT won't be long. Children mature quickly these days). They will understand why you've had to step back.

I’m so sorry Barneysmommy, I can’t give you any advice except to try to keep up contact with the girls by email etc while looking after your own and your husband’s health.

This is a terrible situation for you, your DH and GC; I'm so sorry.

Might it not be worth getting a solicitor to look at your son's case again? It makes no sense that he gets only supervised contact when the mother, who clearly has issues, has custody.

You both need to look after your health and well being, as without both, you wont be able to be there for your GC. Easier said than done though.

Thank you Everyone

update.on the son

My son won't be able to get them. He lost his temper in court because he was annoyed with the whole situation. He was gobsmacked that we had this psychological report saying mother was emotionally harming the children and the local authority simply ignored it and do not want to do the recommended work with him. So he only gets supervised contact.

is there a reason why your son does not seem to be involved in his children's care, residency etc.
also the children are of an age to express their wishes, could they do so to a judge and/or social worker, so that even if their mother is difficult, their wishes are officially on record. could they at least keep in touch with you by phone, email etc, until they are old enough to visit where they want.
guess the distance makes it difficult as well.
sorry don't know about the procedures.
but you must put your health first, otherwise they might suffer more by losing you at a tender age, or you become disabled, unable to do anything with/ for them.
sorry for your tears. wish you n yours all the best.

Please please get help and support for yourselves.

Nearish, doh.

Maybe say to the oldest two girls that if they are ever stopped for a time from seeing you, to remember you both love them dearly and will be thinking of them all the time and wishing them well.

See if has gone in, then change the subject and get on with something practical maybe.

Good luck Barneysmummy, I can only imagine what you are all going through.

Couldn’t your son apply for residency for them to live with him as their parent, perhaps bearish to you? Just a thought.

Hi Everyone

I am in the UK.

I am in tears totally amazed and grateful so many of you took the time to read about my situation. It really has helped me to share

Hello love. Oh dear, what a very, very sad story.

I can understand your worries as our 2 daughters have divorced their husbands and our 4 grandchildren have been hurt in the crossfire.

We have never been stopped from seeing them, but it does cause difficulties when they are not able to come to see us at certain family get togethers, because they are with their dads.

Both you and your husband`s health has suffered greatly and will no doubt suffer further, with more court dates etc.

It is so sad, particularly as the girls obviously love being with you so much, and I fear you may not see them grow up.

Your ex dil has so much to answer for...but she holds the strings... IMO in an undeserved way!

The there is the cost of all these courts sessions to consider.

What`s the answer? I don't know, I really don't. But I do want to send you love and hugs. You must be beside yourselves.xxxxxxx

I don’t think it’s as straightforward a decision as you think.
It’s not an either or because your son as their father should be shouldering the burden of his children’s future.
Then you and your husband become his supporters and not the children’s main caretaker.
Also without your health you won’t be able to help anyone!
Good luck

Can I politely ask if you are in the UK?

My advice would be to see a proper, registered counsellor. It is an investment.
You and your husband can not continue in this fashion without something serious happening.

Oh God, Barneysmommy, what a dreadful situation you're in. I've no experience or expertise in this area (thank goodness), but didn't want to read and run without sympathising and wishing you all the best, whatever you decide. I'm sure you'll get good advice and support on here.