Christmas woe

Yehbutnobut

Tell you son that you have already made arrangements and they can stick to the usual day as this suits you best.

Don’t be bullied.

Surely it’s up to the host to make these decisions?

* Gonegirl*
If you are all going to the massive house, I don't think you should leave your dogs behind. Dil will just have to suck it up.

Again, this is a hosting choice. Sounds like daughter is on board?

OP, of you want more time with your children, then you’ll need to ask for it. But do so on the understanding that you might not get it.

Have a lovely Christmas I’m glad it all worked out for you all!
Families eh!!

That sounds a great idea Doodle??

Am afraid I got lost too, even with explanations?
However, if your DS wants to come on Christmas Day for a change, then go ahead with that, maybe a different sort of Christmas Day for you, less relaxed, but you see the DGC at least.

Type dog pens into Amazon and you will see what I mean.

treelover I hope you have a lovely Christmas whatever you do. Re the dogs. People who don’t like dogs are people who don’t like dogs and no amount of saying they are sweet, only being friendly, just bouncy for a while etc will help. I imagine one of the reasons your DIL doesn’t visit is because of your dog so how about looking for a solution rather than forcing her to be with the dogs. A small collapsible pen (like a playpen but for dogs) which could be put out of the way somewhere and where the dogs won’t be able to scratch the doors etc. We used to have one for our two dogs like a small set of wire fence panels that join together with clips so can be flat packed and put in a car. This way you can have the dogs with you, they will not scratch the door and the children and DIL can stay well away. You could also use it at your house which might persuade her to visit more. I used to put blankets and toys and dog chews in mine. Dogs were quite happy and not able to bother anyone.

I think you need to focus on the fact that when you suggested boxing day to your son he said he wanted to see you on Christmas Day.

I am sure this wasn't a way of him and DIL trying to upset you, he just wants to see his mum at Christmas!

I am glad your daughter has gone from 'lets get it over with' to now hosting as that is such a better attitude to have when it comes to a family occasion.

Spend the day loving your grandchildren and try not to worry about your dog's or the alcohol, it is only one day and you get to spend it with both your children and their babies!

Treelover, I'M an animal lover. My beloved cats have flown all over the world with me. BUT my grandson is in a different category.

Go and DELIGHT in your grandchildren, with or without the dogs. You don't get to see a lot of them so make the very most of this time with them. As we all know, children are grown up and gone SO quickly.

Well I didn’t really understand much of that I got dizzy going backwards and forwards to all the houses ?
But anyway it seems settled now so have a lovely time, open up a bottle and smile benevolently at everyone

Dogs again!

Treelover, am I right in understanding that your daughter has now said for you to go to her on Christmas day, with your dogs as usual, and to stay over that night? And she's told your DS and DiL that they are welcome as long as they don't mind the dogs? If that's correct, then I think she's made the right decision. It's what you always do, and I can't imagine any caring daughter (or son) would want to think of one of their parents left to return home alone on Christmas night, when they would normally be staying overnight with family to fully enjoy the Christmas cheer!

I don't think that your son and DiL have a right to expect you, and your daughter & SiL, to change your usual plans, just because it suits them. It means that you wouldn't be able to enjoy Christmas day/night & following morning like you usually do, and that's not right. Just because DiL doesn't like dogs. Buy a cheap baby stair gate, leave the door open, and put them in another room ... that way, they won't be able to scratch the door!

And I disagree that Christmas is all about the children! I, and all the adults in my family, absolutely love Christmas, and we have just as much right to enjoy it as the kiddies in the family! Hope you have an enjoyable Christmas too!

Treelover, if it’s possible I’d leave my dogs at home where they will be free from the excitement of the day. You can nip back and give them a quick run-around mid proceedings if necessary as you are so close.

Hope you all have a super lovely day whatever the animal arrangements!

getting dogs used to cages from puppyhood is the way forward. Ours (including labs) loved their cages - a safe place for them away from small children and relaxation for the rest of the family. We fed them in the cages from 8 weeks, then they slept there every night and still are happy in middle age to use them if we have nervous children or adults around.

Seems odd to me that it’s ok to be terrified of spiders but almost a criminal offence to be scared of dogs that are “bouncy”.

When we got our retriever the breeder told us to loop a shoelace through his collar to hold him down when he greeted people. This worked well. A retriever pup greeting you is fine but a full grown one another thing all together.

My SIL2 was desperate to get a dog when they had a series of miscarriages. This year they have adopted an amazing little boy and have a bouncy black Labrador.

Trouble is one grandson is wary and DSs partner with young baby is terrified and unfortunately we don’t have a huge house!

This year at DS’s suggestion we are eating out on Christmas Day. The rest of the day we’ll get through with strategic safety gate hopefully.

Boxing Day they all go to their in laws so peace will reign after a, hopefully, happy Christmas Day.

I took the “not your birthday”comment to be tongue in cheek because it’s Jesus’s birthday we are supposed to be celebrating. Haven’t been to regular Sunday mass for nearly 50 years but I still bowed my head even to type Jesus. Just done it again!

Have a good one.

Corr thanks again... well things have moved on a bit - daughter has invited son and family on Xmas day if they don’t mind the dogs. Son and daughters delighted. (No mention of DIL). So I thought wow that’s brill...and I get everyone’s point about the house big enough to put dogs safely away which is why I think I mentioned it in the first place...seems that dog might scratch the door. I’m working on this. If only they weren’t so bouncy and jolly, they are poodle crosses so those that know will know this. I think it’s such a shame that the girls can’t get to know them as they are such sweet dogs.
I am so looking forward to being with the girls and seeing the baby again. And seeing both my children on Christmas Day is a treat. So I should shut up.

Rubysong's idea is the best! It's only a couple of miles each way. Hope it all works out for you treelover

I would suggest going along with all their plans, smile a lot, play with the children, smile a lot, laugh and join in everything, say how lovely it is to have everyone together on Christmas Day, and smile a lot. Make them all as happy as you possibly can. Smile, smile, smile.

The tricky thing, I feel is the way a "tradition" of doing things one way soon develops.

Enjoy the change this year, you will find different things to treasure. Maybe your daughter is relieved to have it all on one day? This way she has less to worry about.

Invite your daughter to your house over the festive period. Give her a night off and start something new!

Good luck!

What a fuss about nothing......go with the flow, accommodate everyone, be flexible. Its great being alone...whats the problem?

I think that if you invite somebody on a certain day, it's very rude of them to try to change things and/or invite themselves on another day.

They should either accept your invitation, or, if it doesn't suit them, decline and invite you instead!

It happens a lot with one of my relatives. She'll say that she's coming, then (usually just a few days before) announce that she can't make it and can we do another day instead. She expects the whole extended family to change their plans.

The cheek of it! Who does she think she is? The message that comes across is 'I'm far more important than you so you can all rearrange things!'.

Of course, I'm wise to it now so I say, firmly, that we'll all be here on the set date, so join us if you can - full stop!

As a host, you make the arrangements. As a guest, you fit in. The 'It's not your Birthday' comment reminded me of the similar attitude here.

I also agree with Gonegirl bout the dogs they are part of family!!!!!

I love your idea Rubysong

Well, tree lover, at least you have the possibility of being with both your children at Christmas. We can only talk to ours on Skype as our daughter lives in New York and only has one day off over Christmas and my step-daughter lives in Denmark and is undergoing cancer treatment, so wouldn’t want extra visitor to look after. We will go over when she is better.

You need to look at what your relationships are like the other 364 days and work on that, or accept them for what they are. Christmas is just one day. Arrangements are always a compromise, and it sounds as though its your turn to accept your less-than-ideal Christmas.

There's something (sinister) about Christmas that exposes family members as they truly are, warts and all....