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The Christmas Dinner

(21 Posts)
Daddima Mon 09-Nov-20 11:27:07

?Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............! ?
Here's my top tip
?Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! ?We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...?
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!??
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)?
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking ?.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy ???
4. Vegetables...? Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same ?.
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
Rant over ?
?Merry Christmas!?

Beechnut Mon 09-Nov-20 11:31:40

Thanks for the chuckle Daddima. One of several I’ve had this morning from gransnetter posts ??

petra Mon 09-Nov-20 11:37:08

Brilliant ???

nanasam Mon 09-Nov-20 11:37:22

I love that, Daddima and will be pleased to follow your guidelines!

Niobe Mon 09-Nov-20 11:40:34

Spot on Daddima! grin

Auntieflo Mon 09-Nov-20 11:41:40

Daddima, that should be printed, laminated and put up in every kitchen.

Thanks for the laugh

ninathenana Mon 09-Nov-20 11:58:11

This is my Christmas dinner ? every year.
I do do my own roasties and pigs in blankets. That's enough effort for me

lemongrove Mon 09-Nov-20 12:03:24

Very funny?
Oh but it’s worth all the effort...yum.

Glambat Mon 09-Nov-20 12:05:06

Love it Daddima. smile

Dottynan Mon 09-Nov-20 12:09:19

Absolutely brilliant and absolutely true

sodapop Mon 09-Nov-20 12:18:13

Brilliant Daddima grin why is Christmas lunch so hyped up. I won't let my husband see this as he makes delicious gravy the proper way, no granules for us.

Trisha57 Mon 09-Nov-20 12:24:28

Saw this this morning on Facebook, and it gave me a good chuckle. I'm thinking of sending it to my daughter who will be doing Christmas for her little family this year!

Doug1 Mon 09-Nov-20 12:35:48

Well said. I have been cooking Sunday Roast for a family of 8 for many years. We sometimes have one or too others at Xmas but what is a bit extra food and a few pigs in blankets. And Yes we do have Auntie Bessie's Yorkshire puds with Xmas dinner.

Witzend Mon 09-Nov-20 12:43:45

Too true - it’s just a roast with a few extras.
I do make my own stuffing ahead and freeze it, no big deal - and the gravy. Not Jamie’s though - sounds such a faff! I just make it in the roasting tin, same as any roast- takes 5 minutes.

IMO the reason it’s such a big deal to many people is that they so rarely - or never - make a roast anyway.

LauraNorder Mon 09-Nov-20 12:55:46

Love it, a woman after my own heart

downtoearth Mon 09-Nov-20 13:12:33

Christmas dinner a la Downtoearth,
Especially the last sentence gringrin

goose1964 Tue 10-Nov-20 12:37:50

Two thin I by I disagree with, stuffing is too salty if it's out of a packet, it I use use good quality sausage meet with herbs and spices. I actually love making pigs in blankets ,at least I can have my chicken sausages in them. DH cooks most of the dinner anyway. I do starters ,usually chilli and garlic prawns and red pepper soup if we have non prawn eaters and pudding.

timetogo2016 Tue 10-Nov-20 12:44:27

Not stressing,just hoping to make the most of it .

MissAdventure Tue 10-Nov-20 12:44:41

I just cook a normal roast. smile

3nanny6 Tue 10-Nov-20 12:50:24

Daddima :

That's a very down to earth way to look at doing the Christmas dinner. I had years of someone being vegetarian another not wanting sprouts and someone wanted steak because they did not like turkey.

I like your use of words also and my lot used to be a pain in the fecking arse in the end their was no use cooking the traditional Christmas roast as no fecker wanted it except me.
Your house sounds a great place to be for Christmas, wishing you a great one.

Blossoming Tue 10-Nov-20 12:50:37

Great tips daddima