What would you do?

I am proposing to my family that I stay here, but that in some way I get built into the celebrations. Ideas so far are: I pop over to give them their presents from the safety of the doorway - they do have a huge room with French doors; that we all meet up for a walk at some point; that I collect a lunch from them, bring it home and eat it with them via zoom as a "laptop guest"; that I devise a Christmas quiz for us to all do via zoom etc. I am awaiting their comments.

Another vote for not going. The numbers involved are awful and a classic example of why the Govts plans for Christmas are utterly irresponsible.

This Christmas is going to be a difficult one for so many families. I have four AC and 4 grandchildren ( 5 by Xmas day). We usually all get together at some point during the Xmas period. This year has been so hard as I feel I’m choosing between my children as to who we see. Luckily they are all supportive and have worked it out for me. We will spend Christmas Day with one daughter and the others will spend time with friends or family. Sad but necessary when you consider lots of families will never again get to spend a Christmas together due to losing a family member this year. In the end it’s only one day and it’s not worth risking anything with (hopefully) the vaccine being available soon.

For various reasons (because of their job) one of the families is able to obtain rapid testing kits at a sensible price and they are now suggesting that we all get tested on Christmas Eve - if we went down that route, I would be happy to fund this, as it is for my benefit basically. However I do not feel entirely comfortable with this as it is a palaver for everyone. A bit of me feels inclined to stay put and pop in on a visit, preferably in the garden and give them their presents - and maybe go for a walk with them.

We are entitled to all be together because I count as one household with my bubble family, so that is 3 households; but I vaguely heard that you are not supposed to have more than 8 over-11s together at Christmas. With me we would be 9.

Iam64 - I can understand that you feel relieved that the decision is made.

One of my DGSs is on home schooling now for 14 days as there was a case in his year group. It all fells a bit precarious.

Luckygirl, what a dilemma. Can you arrange to see your bubble on Christmas Eve, or before they all get together? Fourteen people, multiplied by who knows how many others they will have seen in the previous few days. All inside one house, so even if well ventilated it's unlikely social distancing will be possible.
I'm not overly bothered by what the government says about 3 families getting together. For large families like yours (and mine) it's simply impossible. We have reluctantly told our children to enjoy Christmas together and we will stay home. We plan to walk down to say hello at some point. We're lucky to live a mile away from the house they'll be meeting in. We had at one point agreed to host one adult child and family but honestly, feel relieved the decision is made.

NotAGran55

If I am understanding correctly, isn’t this 4 households mixing if you go ?

I don't think so - the OP has said she is in a bubble with the host family, so as I understand it, she and they count as just one household, not two, so when you add on the other two families it only classes as three households.

Luckygirl, what a dilemma for you.

I'm unsure of the regulations in England, but are fourteen people allowed to meet indoors in the first place? So many variables here, with so many people mixing with people outside of your bubble. That defeats the purpose of a bubble.

The maximum in Scotland is eight people from three households, that means my son, DIL and DGD will not be coming to us at Christmas. I plan to discourage DS2 and his fiancée from coming, as my future DIL is very close to her family, who live nearby them and I don't want to make it difficult for her to see them.
I'm very disappointed, but we will be following the rules to keep all of us safe, in the hope that we will still be here next Christmas.

Nicola Sturgeon has advocated meeting family outdoors to exchange presents or go for a family walk to lessen the risk. Would this be possible?

Hoping you can come to a reasonable compromise.

We’ve had to cut down on our family gathering, and are spreading ourselves a bit thinner. Going to no 1 son on Christmas Day and having DD and no.2 son Boxing Day. It means the boys won’t see each other but they understand. A nice walk with some of them in the afternoon sounds a good idea. ?‍♀️??‍♂️?‍♀️?‍♂️??‍♀️

Ilovecheese

I would not got, and would say that what I will do instead is to have a great big do at Easter instead.

I absolutely agree with you. I am faced with a similar dilemma and although I have suggested a get-together at Easter, I think I am being seen as a cross between a fussy old fart and Scrooge.

As you’re so close, would it be feasible to say you’re not happy about going to their house for the day, but suggest meeting up for an hour (or even half an hour) for a walk outdoors at some time during the day?

We all know that the government measures are just made up on the back of a fag packet and the risks don’t diminish over Christmas. I wouldn’t go. Your choice. Good ideas here on how to have a safer Christmas.
www.theguardian.com/world/2020/nov/25/smarter-ways-tips-navigate-christmas-coronavirus-uk?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Just stay safe Luckgirl and dont go, you have too much going on in your life to possibly put yourself at risk.

None of us like rocking the boat * Sparkling* but I think I would draw the line at risking my life.
Anyway four households isn't allowed. And surely your children wouldn't want to put you at risk Luckygirl.

Luckygirl, I think you don't feel happy about going. If your family are understanding, could you just miss this one Christmas, saying how you feel and that hopefully you can all join up when things are safe. It's not worth the risk after 9 months of being careful. I am afraid I do things I don't want to do very often as I don't like rocking the boat. The same this Christmas, for two weeks after I will be looking for symptoms.

If I am understanding correctly, isn’t this 4 households mixing if you go ?

Wow, is that number of people really just three households meeting up?! That’s way too many in one house in my opinion, so personally, I wouldn’t go.

I don't see it as a difficult choice. The family know its risky, you know it's risky. What's the point in being careful all this time and throwing caution to the wind for one day. I wouldn't go and no one should feel bad for being sensible.
As someone suggested you can have a big family get together when its safe.

A difficult situation, lucky. My guess from the tone of your post is you would rather not go. Will everyone be there all day? If not is there a quiet-ish hour or two you would feel confident to go? Time for talking I think, talk with them all, be honest about your worries. You never know they could already have decided they will limit their own interactions for everyone’s sake not just yours. It’s not about spoiling it for anyone, rather considering everyone.

I do not see that going for a short time will be any different from a long time.

Personally I would say I am not going and would feel very bad if the others coming were cancelled due to one person.

GrannyRose15

I'd definitely go. Sounds like fun with the added bonus you won't have to cook.

I think the potential risks rather outweigh the "fun", GrannyRose15!

Surely a gathering of that size directly contravenes all the guidance?

I'd definitely go. Sounds like fun with the added bonus you won't have to cook.

Follow your gut instinct would be my advice, Lucky.

I would go, but for as short a time as possible. That could be for the present giving or for the meal. Sit by a window, wash hands frequently. Ask them if they would mind curtailing their outings a bit before Christmas if you are worried, though today's tiering may have made them realise this anyway.

I wouldn't go.

Oh how difficult for you. Unfortunately if you do not go they will all feel guilty and if you do go you will worry.
Maybe just try and convince them that you are quite happy that they are all getting together and that you do not need to be there and you will see them all in the New Year after your move!
Perhaps just say you will visit your bubble family on Boxing Day.