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What would you do?

(106 Posts)
Luckygirl Thu 26-Nov-20 14:17:30

I was planning to go to my bubble family (about 10 minutes away) for Christmas. I now find out that on Christmas Day all my family will be there - 4 from one DD's family (they too live locally) and 5 from Cheshire (just outside Greater Manchester) - that is a total of 14 with me.

The ones from the north are out and about all the time - teenagers at college and socialising in Manchester and the surrounds - children at school. SIL is out at work and mixing freely.

The other local DD is working (at the host DD's) and they are in contact with loads of people for business reasons. They have children at school and SIL also goes out to work.

I have a house move (protracted) that I am hoping will take place immediately after Christmas and do not want to be ill or risk self-isolation.

So........what to do? If I say I will not be going, they will start saying that they will not go to make it safer for me and I do not want them to miss out.

Smileless2012 Thu 26-Nov-20 14:25:46

Well you can't agree to go Luckygirl if you have genuine concerns about so many others being present.

In your position I would graciously decline and explain why. They're all aware that you hope to move straight after Christmas and can't risk being ill or having to self isolate.

Any decisions that are made once they know your decision are theirs so if plans do change, you shouldn't feel responsible for anyone missing out.

Riverwalk Thu 26-Nov-20 14:27:24

Personally, weighing-up the odds, I would go for the main activity of the day i.e. lunch, with an hour or so each side. Presumably the house will be well-ventilated, etc.

As the host family are 10 minutes' away this would be do-able.

kittylester Thu 26-Nov-20 14:29:34

A huge dilemma Lucky. I would be happier not going in your position but I can see that you would be subject to all sorts of suggestions to make it happen.

Can you find a deserving cause ie someone on their own, to share with so you are not on your own either.

Ilovecheese Thu 26-Nov-20 15:32:44

I would not got, and would say that what I will do instead is to have a great big do at Easter instead.

Onthenaughtystep1 Thu 26-Nov-20 15:51:45

Personally I would not go. There does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel and it would be a shame to take risks at this late stage.

dragonfly46 Thu 26-Nov-20 15:55:54

Oh how difficult for you. Unfortunately if you do not go they will all feel guilty and if you do go you will worry.
Maybe just try and convince them that you are quite happy that they are all getting together and that you do not need to be there and you will see them all in the New Year after your move!
Perhaps just say you will visit your bubble family on Boxing Day.

FannyCornforth Thu 26-Nov-20 15:59:47

I wouldn't go.

Ellianne Thu 26-Nov-20 16:01:04

I would go, but for as short a time as possible. That could be for the present giving or for the meal. Sit by a window, wash hands frequently. Ask them if they would mind curtailing their outings a bit before Christmas if you are worried, though today's tiering may have made them realise this anyway.

Mapleleaf Thu 26-Nov-20 16:04:07

Follow your gut instinct would be my advice, Lucky.

GrannyRose15 Thu 26-Nov-20 16:04:57

I'd definitely go. Sounds like fun with the added bonus you won't have to cook.

phoenix Thu 26-Nov-20 16:19:35


I'd definitely go. Sounds like fun with the added bonus you won't have to cook.

I think the potential risks rather outweigh the "fun", GrannyRose15!

Surely a gathering of that size directly contravenes all the guidance?

cornishpatsy Thu 26-Nov-20 16:34:23

I do not see that going for a short time will be any different from a long time.

Personally I would say I am not going and would feel very bad if the others coming were cancelled due to one person.

cornergran Thu 26-Nov-20 16:42:28

A difficult situation, lucky. My guess from the tone of your post is you would rather not go. Will everyone be there all day? If not is there a quiet-ish hour or two you would feel confident to go? Time for talking I think, talk with them all, be honest about your worries. You never know they could already have decided they will limit their own interactions for everyone’s sake not just yours. It’s not about spoiling it for anyone, rather considering everyone.

Nadateturbe Thu 26-Nov-20 22:27:34

I don't see it as a difficult choice. The family know its risky, you know it's risky. What's the point in being careful all this time and throwing caution to the wind for one day. I wouldn't go and no one should feel bad for being sensible.
As someone suggested you can have a big family get together when its safe.

Gingergirl Thu 26-Nov-20 22:38:36

Wow, is that number of people really just three households meeting up?! That’s way too many in one house in my opinion, so personally, I wouldn’t go.

NotAGran55 Fri 27-Nov-20 03:59:26

If I am understanding correctly, isn’t this 4 households mixing if you go ?

Sparkling Fri 27-Nov-20 04:54:16

Luckygirl, I think you don't feel happy about going. If your family are understanding, could you just miss this one Christmas, saying how you feel and that hopefully you can all join up when things are safe. It's not worth the risk after 9 months of being careful. I am afraid I do things I don't want to do very often as I don't like rocking the boat. The same this Christmas, for two weeks after I will be looking for symptoms.

Nadateturbe Fri 27-Nov-20 07:08:34

None of us like rocking the boat * Sparkling* but I think I would draw the line at risking my life.
Anyway four households isn't allowed. And surely your children wouldn't want to put you at risk Luckygirl.

Billybob4491 Fri 27-Nov-20 07:12:47

Just stay safe Luckgirl and dont go, you have too much going on in your life to possibly put yourself at risk.

vegansrock Fri 27-Nov-20 07:14:14

We all know that the government measures are just made up on the back of a fag packet and the risks don’t diminish over Christmas. I wouldn’t go. Your choice. Good ideas here on how to have a safer Christmas.

aggles Fri 27-Nov-20 08:01:45

As you’re so close, would it be feasible to say you’re not happy about going to their house for the day, but suggest meeting up for an hour (or even half an hour) for a walk outdoors at some time during the day?

Sarnia Fri 27-Nov-20 08:15:11


I would not got, and would say that what I will do instead is to have a great big do at Easter instead.

I absolutely agree with you. I am faced with a similar dilemma and although I have suggested a get-together at Easter, I think I am being seen as a cross between a fussy old fart and Scrooge.

Gingster Fri 27-Nov-20 08:15:41

We’ve had to cut down on our family gathering, and are spreading ourselves a bit thinner. Going to no 1 son on Christmas Day and having DD and no.2 son Boxing Day. It means the boys won’t see each other but they understand. A nice walk with some of them in the afternoon sounds a good idea. 🚶‍♀️🚶🏻‍♂️🚶‍♀️🏃‍♂️🏃🏻‍♀️

Marydoll Fri 27-Nov-20 08:22:10

Luckygirl, what a dilemma for you.

I'm unsure of the regulations in England, but are fourteen people allowed to meet indoors in the first place? So many variables here, with so many people mixing with people outside of your bubble. That defeats the purpose of a bubble.

The maximum in Scotland is eight people from three households, that means my son, DIL and DGD will not be coming to us at Christmas. I plan to discourage DS2 and his fiancée from coming, as my future DIL is very close to her family, who live nearby them and I don't want to make it difficult for her to see them.
I'm very disappointed, but we will be following the rules to keep all of us safe, in the hope that we will still be here next Christmas.

Nicola Sturgeon has advocated meeting family outdoors to exchange presents or go for a family walk to lessen the risk. Would this be possible?

Hoping you can come to a reasonable compromise.