How do I opt out ?

This will be our first Christmas since my Dad passed away. He always sent his Grandchildren and Great Grandchildren a cash Gift at Christmas, and in total have away around £800 between them. I know that they will miss this this year, so rather than sending individual Presents, I have sent each of my 4 Daughters and their family the same amount of cash per household, a little more than I would normally give them, but hopefully it will somehow help in the shortfall of looking their Grandad. I have also told them not to buy anything for me in return, although my Eldest daughter insists every year on buying me a small Cheese board selection and a box of savoury crackers to go with it!

I have asked my children to donate this year to refugee charities or a charity helping people out of modern slavery, in place of giving me gifts. But I enjoy giving and will send gifts to adults and children.

The irony is.... it is at this exact time when he and his family really would have benefited from gifts.

This can be a problem with suddenly stopping present buying. I know of a situation (not my own family) where someone has bought for a sibling's children for years, only to have that sibling ask to stop all presents when their children had grown up and other members of the family had children of their own. It's caused a few mumblings, and I can't help thinking it's a bit unfair.

I like the idea of a Secret Santa, as my children buy far too much (IMO) for me and my husband. I am happy to spend on them while they are setting up homes and I can afford to, but as others have said, I don't need anything, and on the whole if I want something I can get it myself. It is lovely to see that they have thought of a present that means something though.

I did suggest a price limit of £10 last year and suggested we all buy from charity shops, but nobody wanted to do it. I think it's easy to forget that a lot of people (me included) enjoy giving presents, and not allowing them to do that can be unkind. The tricky bit is getting the balance right so that nobody is put in a position where they feel they have to spend more than they can afford.

It's tricky but this is what I did. I sent out Christmas cards early (in order to get my point across first, though it is a little late now) and inside I wrote "From this year onwards let's exchange cards, NOT presents."

My brother and his wife agreed readily as they've a big family and it eased the load, so to speak, but BIL and his wife don't listen which makes me feel guilty. They often send a gift token for around £20 or so which is generous but embarrassing. I just say thank you politely. What more can I do? They remember what I wrote but choose to ignore it.

After all the trials and tribulations we have had to endure this year, if there was ever the opportunity to stop and look again at what we have blindly done in the past "because that's the way it's always been", the time is now. Buying presents for people be they friends or relatives is costly and, as others have noted, results in presents being bought for the sake of it because "it's Christmas". This year we will be buying presents for our three grandchildren and the rest will be told that we will be putting the value into charitable donations to those they support and if they don't have a preference it is going to McMillan Nurses.

Just practice saying it first. The older ones, 'we're all pensioners and have everything we need', will probably be very pleased. Younger ones have so many presents they probably won't miss one as long, particularly if it's been explained beforehand. Pick out a few key relatives and tell them YOU don't need anything so do they mind if you don't exchange presents this year with any of the family, and could they pass on the message. Of course if they do mind they are unlikely to say so anyway. I can say from experience, it's a huge relief when it's been agreed. We only buy for DGC in our family.

Tricky one, grownup children I give money or vouchers. Grandchildren it’s whatever they want ordered online which I do with them to ensure it’s exactly right or money. No point buying random gifts which will go to the bottom of a cupboard. If you’re all together maybe you do a secret Santa but put a monetary limit on it.

I warned my family last year that I didn't want anymore gifts, however lovely and thoughtful they are. I have everything I need & buy what I want. Likewise all my family. I also discussed with all concerned that I wouldn't be giving gifts either except to small children.
I give thanks every night for the roof over my head, food on my table & a warm bed. Needless to say, I'm donating to a local homeless charity & the Salvation Army instead of giving gifts.
Not a problem to our family. Total agreement and in one quarter a big sigh of relief!

It is too late to change things this year, so buy small presents , but say or e-mail them all sometime after the new year saying that you would like to stop giving and receiving Christmas presents for the reasons you have mentioned in your post here.

As there are no children involved, I doubt anyone will be hurt or offended.

Replying to Bbbface I completely agree that the supermarkets are making far too much money. What I meant was that buying items for presents in a supermarket might be easier for those who rely on deliveries for food or who wish to limit the number of shops they visit by buying presents at the same time as essentials.

We have a huge family with step-children and step-grandchildren. On both sides of the family we do Secret Santa - one present instead of 7! And another one instead of 8. Fix a price - it works brilliantly!! ???

I came to an amicable arrangement with my brother several years ago not to bother with Christmas presents any more as it was becoming increasingly difficult to know what to buy. Instead we send each other a nice card and leave it at that. In fact I only buy a little something for my sister now. My other brother and I stopped buying a long time ago as postage abroad often overtook the price of the gift!

If only we could come to a similar arrangement with my DH’s siblings, but we tried secret Santa one year at the request of one member of the family but it fell flat because another member bought as usual so we all felt rather guilty. I was quite cross, really, because if we’d continued with that idea it would have solved a lot of wondering what to buy for whom and expense. The plan had been to only buy something for the children and parents but everyone else was to pull a name out of the hat to buy one other gift for one family member rather than lots.

It’s still a dilemma and big expense every year and it could have worked so well, but unless you get everyone on board it doesn’t work. That particular person buys gifts for the world and it’s mother!! (I’d say “more money than sense”, but they haven’t got a huge bank balance).

Goodness, I do sound Scrooge like. I’m not, I love Christmas, but it’s getting out of hand present wise.

Last year we agreed to do a secret santa for the adults with an agreed price limit and each person providing their wish list. It took the pressure off everyone, each adult got a present they wanted, and the focus could be on the children. It worked well so we are repeating it this year. There are even some free apps that help with organising it and distributing lists and names

We do a Secret Santa for the adults in our family-we set a price - and doing it online so we can each put suggestions for gifts we would like. It works very well as everyone only has to buy ONE present and we each get one - some we really want. For the children we all buy as usual.

We stop giving gifts (birthday and Christmas) for anyone other than immediate family once they reach 18. I have never started giving to great nephews/nieces.
It all gets too expensive and stressful, and giving things you know probably aren't wanted.
Even myself and OH stopped present giving many years ago, mainly because he was rubbish at getting things lol. We just buy what we want when we want it.
So now I only have to buy for my youngest son (eldest and his family non contact) and I give my Dad a small gift.

I rarely receive gifts that I actually want and I'm sure that many of the gifts I give are similarly not really wanted. Money rather than vouchers or actual gifts is easier and better. Booze, biscuits and chocolates depending on the recipient are a good option if you want to avoid clothes or other personal gifts. Box sets of toiletries general go down well. Vouchers I tend to avoid simply because they are tied to a particular outlet and some have expiry dates, the high street vouchers from the post offices can be difficult redeem.

We give to immediate close family only. As do my siblings.

A small crimble (this year a jar of homemade chutney) for my sisters and brother, they reciprocate with small homemade something. None of us give to nephews and nieces.

We do not spend more than £20 for the 6 GC, and never give money. A joint gift to DS and Dil's, this year a hamper full of homemade goodies.
They all have everything they need/want and buy whatever they want at anytime of the year.
We in turn ask for the smallest token, preferably bought from a charity shop (books, embroidery threads) or a bottle of wine.
We have all we want or need.

We give the expensive gifts on their birthdays, which is 'their' day.

Never put Christmas decorations up until a few days before 25th, we have a wreath with 4 candles from now until then to celebrate the Advent season. The tree stays up until 12th night.

No, I'm not a grinch, I just cannot bear the scrum which has become Christmas, the high expectation of expensive gifts driven by commercialism.

We were a Vicarage family, now retired; but hold dear the true meaning of Christmas and its traditions, the carols, taking the GC to the crib service, the lights, the sharing of good food and wine, the walks, time together. Priceless.

Due to covid, this year I have been sending amazon codes to grandchildren etc. They have all seemed to prefer it that way! I think I'll stick to it from now on. Those who insist on sending presents to me I let them know my house is already too full and please only send something consumable - eg/ie chocolates

Made the decision myself this year not to give money by way of a cheque to grandchildren, all of whom are now in well paid jobs. (With their diverse interests I never knew what to buy them anyway!). Have said instead I will make a donation to a homeless charity on their behalf. For the past few years I have also made it clear to my family that I don’t expect birthday or Christmas presents any more either although heaven help them if they don’t send me a card! So many of us have so much, but many more haven’t enough and as I’ve got older I seem to think about this a bit more. . Lots of the presents we (in general) buy each other aren’t actually needed, as such, and in my case often ended up (secretly) in the charity shop anyway! The gifts were given with love, but in the end are just more ‘stuff!’

How about saying you having everything you want / need and you would prefer people to donate to a charity if their choice and you will be doing the same in lieu of giving gifts

A few years ago we stopped buying for all the adults in our family group. We do a secret Santa draw and we each just buy a £20 gift for one of the adults. Then we buy individual presents for my 4 grandchildren. This works well for us.

My small family get money/vouchers but also a small gift (approx £10) to unwrap. Some years ago, when money was tight for all of us, my close friends and I agreed not to buy for each other but to buy ourselves something with what was left after all the Christmas shopping was done- cheaper, less effort and we all got something we wanted

What about telling every one that you are making a charity donation, or sponsoring a guide dog or whatever instead of sending gifts and that you don't want a gift back.
Or say that they can buy themselves what they want, wrap it and open it at Christmas and you will do the same in their name. That way you all get what you want and no postage etc.
If asked, you can say that wou will be getting something for the garden, a favourite eat treat etc when you need/want it when the time is right for you, not neccesarily at Christmas.
Still send a card though.

Simple. Be the brave one. No-one will mind. I did it with friends and it was easier saying it than thinking sbout saying it. The other more altruistic thing is to work out how much you would have spent and donate it to your local hospice. They are really struggling now.

Just be honest !! Say in advance that you feel the time has come not to give OR receive presents thank you. You'd love a visit or a phone call for Christmas but no gifts flying around thank you all. Be honest and forewarn everyone ! A bit late for this year maybe but when you write your grateful thank you letters, state your position re: next year ! No gift does not mean no love !!