How do I opt out ?

I commented on a similar thread sometime ago - as others say - things have been left too long to change here now. I have no family other than DH, DDs and DGS. DH has a S, 2xNephews & family, but 200 miles away. When BIL died some years ago, his S immediately started to spend Christmas here, bringing quite expensive gifts with her. She can afford them and her hobby is shopping and she buys all year - even brings a gift for the dog!

We are comfortably off, so getting ‘the list’ isn’t really a problem, but we never see her family, so it’s like buying for strangers.
This year she will have to stay away, so how daft is this??? I will send her a cheque, as she loves shopping and wants to buy my gifts for the nephews, etc and she will send my DDs cheques, to get what they want!

Roll on 2021.

I only have govt pension so not well off but I love to give gifts to my family. I shop throughout the year, put the things I buy in a box, and in the back of my diary write what I have. It solves my problem of not being able to buy everything at once, it gives me pleasure to give gifts and hopefully gives pleasure to the recipient. Can't believe how many grouchs on this post.

My sister sent an email round saying that this year due to covid and probably having to post gifts that they would fully understand if anyone wanted to not exchange gifts this year.

We have decided just to do gifts for immediate family. Mainly due to the fact we are not happy going shopping and then we’d have the additional hassle and expense of posting everything. No one has complained. I think that if you do suggest it then there will be others who are relieved.

I give money to DD SIL DS DIL plus a small present to open on day. Buy presents for all 4 Grandchildren, but usually on suggestions made by parents. This year GS (7) and GD (9) who live in Italy aren’t able to come over to UK, but as both are still believers in Santa (well think so!),DIL arranged a courier to collect our presents instead of them having money to buy over there. Once belief has gone all the magic of Christmas disappears so we hope it works for at least one more year. Other GC, as older, are having presents they have requested.
I endorse the suggestions of donations to favourite charity if stopping exchange of presents. Winners all round.

As my children are all married we buy for couples together at Christmas. It does help to keep the spend a little lower. Can't bring myself to not buy them a present when they become adults. I don't love them any less.

I don't have much to add advice wise as it has all been said well - just to tell you that in our family I took the lead a few years ago and told them I no longer wanted to receive or give presents as the shopping stress spoiled Christmas more than the presents enhanced it. Most of the family were delighted and have then gone on to take that lead with in laws families. Do it. You might get some resentment from some quarters but they will get over it and it is so liberating.

I only buy a few presents, my son, daughter, Mr B and my gas. W e have paid for all 5 gd to have driving lessons and we told them at the time that this is all their Christmas and Birthday presents in one go. We were lucky that at the time we had some money.

We decided a few years ago that we would give the the giving tree appeal and buy or donate a major food shop to a Food Bank. We sent cards to all those (except Children) explaining our reasoning and requesting that if anyone was wishing to gift things to us, to do the same.

Our family buys presents for the children and the adults do a secret ? It actually works very well, although I had felt before I joined in with the secret ? that it wasn't personal enough! Its fine, and saves ? and you don't andyou

I have one husband , one son , one daughter in law one grandson
No parents or in law's
No siblings so no nieces or nephews.
My husband's siblings and children were teens by the time we had met so never any exchanges there
I do miss the fun ,kinda stress, of planning the presents list for the year.
It used to be much longer

aonk

I think that this year it’s especially important to give presents ( within a sensible budget of course.) The shops are really suffering at the moment. We have cut down in our family by buying one present per couple or household. It could be wine, chocolates, biscuits, a board game etc. In the past we have also given plants and flowers. A lot of things can be bought on line from supermarkets or added to the weekly food shop.

The supermarkets aren’t suffering!!

With 11 grandchildren to buy for I've never spent a great deal on individual gifts. This year they are all (the under 16s) getting 25 premium bonds, bought yesterday, Parents are aware and quite happy with that and someone might, just might, win something worthwhile. They've all got far too much 'stuff' anyway and access this cash very easily. With interest rates as they are if they win nothing they'll not be badly off. Over 16s will get cash or cheques.
Thinking now about vouchers for the parents, maybe theatre or local restaurant.
Roll on Christmas.

One of the things I'm quite sad about is we won't have a Christingle service. That's the real essence of Christmas for me. As for presents lots of people just can't afford to do as much this year.

jaylucy

In my family we have an unwritten agreement that as far as the children are concerned, we stop giving them presents from about the age of 16 (this has edged its way up to 18 over the years) or at least from when they get a job!
I have found it easier to give gift cards or money now. Usually with a little gift (socks, gloves, shower/bath stuff etc) for them to open.
As far as receiving presents, one of my brothers, a few years ago after being made redundant, asked people not to buy him and his family presents as he couldn't afford to buy presents back and we have still stuck to that several years later.

The irony is.... it is at this exact time when he and his family really would have benefited from gifts.

I would have dropped him a note to say that I buy without ever expecting to receive and I would love to buy him and his family something for this Christmas, but would totally understand if he’s rather I didn’t

I think that this year it’s especially important to give presents ( within a sensible budget of course.) The shops are really suffering at the moment. We have cut down in our family by buying one present per couple or household. It could be wine, chocolates, biscuits, a board game etc. In the past we have also given plants and flowers. A lot of things can be bought on line from supermarkets or added to the weekly food shop.

Anyone who shows disapproval... well, you shouldn’t have been buying for them in the first place!

I honestly can’t imagine a single person who I buy for expressing disapproval! They would be utterly understanding and kind I am sure

In my family we have an unwritten agreement that as far as the children are concerned, we stop giving them presents from about the age of 16 (this has edged its way up to 18 over the years) or at least from when they get a job!
I have found it easier to give gift cards or money now. Usually with a little gift (socks, gloves, shower/bath stuff etc) for them to open.
As far as receiving presents, one of my brothers, a few years ago after being made redundant, asked people not to buy him and his family presents as he couldn't afford to buy presents back and we have still stuck to that several years later.

Interesting thread

Nannymarg53,,,so sad to read what you say... I know what Christmas is about,,

the birth of Jesus....

yet, we humans have altered it... think the Victorians added a lot of this "glitter" and we just go along and add and add.

my gks are growing up, every year I have asked them what they would like from their gd and me, (he died last year) so now what would they like from me... only the second eldest has told me,, sent me the link, the other 3 , well I have told them,, I am not giving them money!

but then, I can be a straightforward type of person and others, I have just said...

there is a good reason this year for us to get back to some reality with our lives, if we want to. imo

I used to send my d-i-l money at the beginning of December for Christmas for my two grandchildren, herself and my son - they are/were in the USA and it seemed silly to pay huge amounts of postage to send gifts, I'd rather they had that money to buy things locally. My son is now back in the UK I will transfer his money into his bank, will be sending ex d-i-l her money and GC's money shortly too. My daughter likes presents so I have already bought her gifts, I have a gift each for my three GC here and will also be putting some money into their bank accounts for them (they are 17, 14 and 11). We agreed that once nieces/nephews reached 18 there would be just cards exchanged, same with my 9 gt nieces/nephews who are all now over 18. We will be buying a little present each for my gt gt neices/nephew (5 of them in total) and I always buy a hamper for my remaining sister in law.

My children usually do Christmas and we all have a small table pressie, I don't buy individually but give money towards the food or they can buy themselves something. No hassle and I get to enjoy my day but bit different this year as we will be on our own and OH never buys me presents so I’ll buy something nice for myself !!

Other people might be happy you’re decided this.
Maybe say something like- with it difficult to shop these days, let’s leave presents and maybe have a catch up via zoom or phone as it’s not the gift it’s the contact that’s more important than ever.

You are far from alone feeling like this. As I’ve got older I hate Christmas. What’s it all about?! Baa humbug ???‍♀️

Why not just buy immediate family and bite the bullet where the others are concerned?
Or buy everyone the same thing, like a nice bottle of wine, a yankee candle or suchlike.
But if you really don't want to buy anyone tell everyone not to buy you, and that you're not doing it any longer. They may not be happy but by the following Christmas it will be just accepted. It may be late for this year.

I always thought I would stop at eighteen but it's not easy when there are two GC in a family and one is under 18.

I understand how you feel OP, particularly this year. I'm getting everything on line, or it's money. I'm absolutely not going to be going round the shops when they open, Don't enjoy it anyway, less so with a mask, and I imagine there will be another spike leading to a 3rd lockdown after December, which hardly seems worth it to me. Christmas, or should I say the rampantly commercial side of it has always been a massive pain in the arse at the best of times. I'm sure most of the population don't want the massive build up this year. We just want to get over this winter hopefully with a vaccine rolled out and look forwards to 2021 hoping and praying things will improve.

I stopped buying for all and sundry years ago. I just couldnt cope with the stress. I told everyone I would no longer buy presents and gave money to a children's charity. I didnt have grandchildren then so now just buy them a small thing and put money into their savings and buy a couple of little things for their mums. I'm sad that christmas is just one huge commercial fest and has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus.