I intensely dislike christmas.

Children are happiest in their own homes at Christmas with their own (new) toys.

Grannyscrooge hasn't said anything about physically chastising her GC Elegran and Eve; where did that come from?

I disagree with the poster who said it's the OP's fault if the GC don't behave in her home, for not laying down the rules. No; it's the P's responsibility to back her up if she chastises the children, the children are their responsibility after all.

Just be bold and tell your daughter you need a rest this year to put your feet up and relax. Stop being a doormat! I really feel for you. you need a hug!

I think you should simply tell your DD that you cannot cater for so many people at Christmas and she can do Christmas for her family.

Tell her your health is not good enough any more.

If you just had Christmas with your son, it would be easier for you and for him. You might even enjoy it.

You sound so miserable about this, Grannyscrooge and I’m not surprised, reading your various posts explaining the situation.

Unfortunately, you are the only one who can do anything to change things. You need to come up with a plan (plenty of ideas from others in here!) and implement it. Remember, ‘No’ is a complete sentence. Your dd is old enough to be a mother of two and so she’s old enough to put on her big girl pants and embrace a different kind of Christmas, whatever you decide to do.

A little story: I saw an elderly neighbour who used to host her family for Xmas every year. One time I asked if it was plans as usual. ‘No!’ she said, ‘I’m sick of them all, ungrateful lot! I’ve booked a three week holiday to China with a friend, we’re going before Christmas and we won’t be back until New Year.’

The neighbour died last year (at 94) and at her funeral, my Dh and I were inwardly giggling as her children and grandchildren eulogised about how she loved having them all home for Christmas. If only they knew what she’d said about them!

Still not convinced, sorry.

Chardy

I can't think of anything worse than spending the day with badly-behaved children.
Going through the drawers? They're bored?

Yes Chardy, they are bored! It's time their parents took control!

Grannyscrooge

This is a genuine post. I can't just up and leave as I have an adult Autistic son who needs me. He finds it all soo difficult at this time of year and isolates himself away. My daughter and her husband love coming round and I put on a front to give them the best time. I have a severe pain condition, EDS and spend the season in utmost discomfort but I cover it to make sure everyone is happy. I have unstable hips, joints that dislocate and veins that burst under the skin at the slightest pressure. I was under the impression that this was a support forum for everyone, not a place to bash someone who is having a hard time. As I get older my condition becomes more painful and everything is so much harder. But not to worry I will just soldier on. thank for all the positivity.

I think it's time you spoke to your DD and SIL, they are adults and given your own health problems and the added problems presented by the situation with your adult son, DD and SIL should be stepping up and taking the pressure off you NOT adding to it by enjoying a leisurely Christmas at your home and allowing their children to run amok!

I can't think of anything worse than spending the day with badly-behaved children.
Going through the drawers? They're bored?

The two children would definitely be better off in their own home, and preferably this year. It's not too late.
Just tell your daughter you're really not feeling up to hosting Christmas again.

I'm horrified that their dad consoles them when you quite rightly and reasonably tell them off for messing with sharp tools; would he rather you let them injure themselves? Silly man. He should be supervising them better himself in the first place.

You really do sound at breaking point Grannyscrooge and no-one has the right to make you feel like that in your own home.
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel?
I feel really upset for you ☹️
Please put yourself first for once.

It never crossed my mind that you’d physically chastise them. I wouldn’t sanction that. Nor is shouting at them a recommended way of telling them off, in my book. Reasoned explanation of the rules and the consequences if they’re not followed. Then follow through so they learn.

I don't think you should physically chastise them. That would leave you open to being accused of "beating" them. You are perfectly entitled, however to tell them (and their parents) in no uncertain terms that this is your house and you are not going to allow them to rummage everywhere. If you went to their house and nosed about in drawers and cupboards, I think their parents would have something to say about it!
If they are too young to understand what you are saying, then you need to either lock the doors of rooms you don't want them to go into, or suggest that Christmas Day is spent in their own home.

I agree with Elegran. This poster spoke a lot of sense, gave good advice and ‘no blame’ apportioned on you for being truthful about how you feel. You’re definitely not alone. I love my grandchildren and they’re delightful, but I like a peaceful Christmas too. Just tell your daughter that it’s too much for you so you’re not able to invite them for Christmas at yours this year. I don’t think you need mention the ‘gits’ behaviour (at this time) as that could cause unnecessary hurt when there’s no need to.
Btw, You’re right to chastise them - your house, your rules - although I suspect you would rather not have to play the parent role.
I don’t think it’s too late to change Christmas arrangements for this year - there’s still over a fortnight to go until the big day, shops are open until Christmas Eve so they have plenty of time to go out and buy all the food they need. It’s hardly a last minute change.
Good luck and I hope that a quiet, peaceful Christmas will bring back some of the joy that should be felt at this time.
Christmas Day is just one day and I believe no one should be under pressure to do something they don’t want to. Everyone has the right to spend that day as they please, with whom they please.

Grannyscrooge

I'm sorry, I just feel so miserable.

It's time they put on Christmas for you
?

This year you have a good excuse not to give them Christmas. As long as you carry on doing it, they won't realise you are finding it an unwelcome struggle.

I have 2 grandsons who are spoilt little gits who I don't particularly enjoy seeing
I only have one little git but I love him dearly and wish I could see him at Christmas
?
I do have granddaughters too, but they are perfect as only girls can be.??

Merry Christmas Grannyscrooge
Bah Humbug.?????

Let's hope that they are good memories

This time next month it will be a distant memory.

Maybe you could do the little cottage bit next year? It sounds lovely and it's what you want. I do feel for you going through Christmas when you feel the way you do.
In 2021 do it the way you want and need - it's your break as much as anybody's. But prepare the others for this so they're not taken by surprise when you suddenly announce in December that it won't be open house at your house.

At the risk of insulting you, I really sense an awful lot of anger at the world in general in your post. Have you thought of having a chat to your doctor about how you feel? I’m also not a big fan of christmas. My father was an alcoholic so christmas was always a miserable time of arguments, then he died just after christmas one year. But I try to smile and enjoy it, mainly for the sake of my lovely four grandchildren. By the way, they can be total brats too. ??

Oh grannyscrooge I m sure you’re not a Scrooge at all it sounds as if you are trying to keep all the balls juggling with little help or sympathy but that may be because you are a coper and people don’t realise you re having such a tough time
They should be inviting you out
First and foremost you can’t do much if they are already invited this year but can you lock any precious things away in a particular room Do you have or could you get a lock or even a high bolt on your bedroom door
How old are these badly behaved children ?
How about for once buying some ready prepared Christmas food so you are not in the kitchen all day
And next year take your lad away to that little cottage sounds lovely
I don’t hate it but I don’t like the Christmas period either it means nothing when your family is scattered around the world and I think it’s such a big fuss about so little and it’s actually quite dispiriting when everyone is going on about their wonderful Christmasses

No need to be sorry I'm just trying to let you know that I would not have replied the way I did if I'd have known all the facts

Im sorry that you are going through all these problems but I can't stress enough that if you don't have a conversation with your family nothing will change because they all think your fine with everything the way it is ?

I think it is time your daughter and her husband hosted Christmas for you and your son. Far too many adult children expect their parent(s) to carry on providing a lovely Christmas Day without making any contribution; of course they love coming because you do all the work and they sit back and let you, and allow their children to run riot as well.
Probably too late this year, but start preparing for next year by saying you simply cannot cope with it again, and how will they go about hosting it. And stick to it, as so many AC seem to think it is their parent's responsibility.
One woman I knew (in her mid -forties) was outraged when her parents announced they were going on a cruise over Christmas; they usually hosted their twin daughters plus husbands plus four children and no amount of hinting that they might take a turn worked.
The woman in point simply battened on to their next door neighbours who provided Christmas; what happened after that I don't know, but the parents never hosted it again.

My issue with Christmas is everyone else’s expectations that their needs are wants come first. Children I Understand, but parents and grandparents can be incredibly selfish on their demands on other younger people.

I found Christmas completely draining when I had small children because of this

Don't worry about it, grannyscrooge

Roses

If you had explained in your first post all the problems you mentioned in your second post I'm know my reply would have been different

You don't like Christmas
Your autistic son does not like Christmas
You are in a lot of pain
Your condition makes you feel down
Your grandsons are disrespectful to you and your home
Your daughter does not have a lot of time for you at the moment
She does not check her children when they are at your house
There is a lot of work involved in having family for Christmas
You are tired and dreading what should be a happy time
Nobody seems to know just how you are feeling about all of this
We are in the middle of a pandemic

So why do pretend it's all ok ?
Your daughter could invite you and your son and then you could leave when it all gets too much

I think there is a serious conversation to be had with your family as you must be a very good actress to cover up all these problems.
I hope you realise that this is a supportive reply and not a criticism

I'm sorry, the story is so long winded and I wasn't sure how to put it all down.