I intensely dislike christmas.

Oh Grannyscrooge your message really touched me. I never liked Christmas and made it so public that it has become a joke. I loath buying other people presents, as I never know what to choose. So I give my dil and my son money to buy theirs and their kids' and my and my partner's presents., as they're both teachers and not terribly well off. That solves that. When asked what I want, it's always a pot of marmalade or some nice tea.
My grandson is spoilt so is my step granddaughter. But that seems to be the way. I think I rather spoilt my son.
I usually go to them for Christmas as I am a dreadful cook, with no presentation skills. So not being talented, or able to put on a brave face and a good show has saved me some misery. I'm not doing Christmas this year thanks to Covid.
I do hope you get through the day and give yourself lots of treats before and after! - I do feel for you. Good luck and wishing you a happy New Year

When I retired, I downsized to a smaller house - far too small for me to host Christmas to all the family. Now I am entertained by my adult sons' families. Both DSs are excellent cooks and the children are all teenagers and able to play their parts. I am also 'allowed' to help by preparing the sprouts or other veg and joining DS2 by devising our vegan/vegetarian Christmas meals. I see no reason why adult children (middle-aged now) shouldn't shoulder the burden (if such it be) of the Christmas festivities. When their children were younger there was even more reason why they should stay at home and that I should be the visiting granny.

Oh GrannyScrooge you have cheered me up no end, I really laughed at that!! Christmas means a lot of work, shopping, cooking, cleaning etc, and when you get older you sometimes don't feel like all the added hassle,especially if you are ill, and I don't blame you one bit. Next year why don't you book a cottage or a hotel and go and relax away from the "little gits" We have all been through a lot this year with Covid etc, and then life in general. Thinking of you. x

Lovebeigecardigans1955, I certainly would NOT do this by text! I find texting a horrible impersonal way to communicate, and its often misunderstood. Whats wrong with picking up the phone and having a chat about it. My husband and I are in our early 60s and have always hosted. But as the years pass, I will quite happily suggest its time for the ‘children’ to take their turn.

She has offloaded on here, just as many do - No harm done.
(Not by the op, anyway)

If a GP refers to grandchildren as 'gits' they shouldn't be surprised or offended if the GC turn the tables on them with equally disrespectful appellations.

I'd suggest sending a text to your daughter saying something along the lines of, "Due to increasing illness and pain which I can no longer hide or cope with well I am unable to host Christmas. I am sure you understand. I know you enjoy coming here but it is now time for you to host the big day in your own home and to make new memories for your family." Then leave it at that and stand firm against any emotional blackmail with, "I cannot do it any more."

I wouldn't read too much into the use of the word 'gits'. Some people ascribe different power to different words. My SIL always thought nothing of casually calling people a word that rhymes with huggers. I was quite shocked as I'd always been raised to believe that was one of the most vulgar words in existence.

I’m just wondering how you feel the rest of the year besides Christmas as you have a lot to cope with,do you get pleasure from life,I’m wondering if you could be depressed
Not just because you don’t like Christmas many people don’t
Do you think it maybe worth speaking to your Gp

I was referencing those that aren’t. I did say ‘some’.

Actually silverlining most posts on here are supportive in the extreme ( amazingly so!)

Not surprised grannyacrooge hasn’t come back given some of these posts.
My thoughts are that you need to speak with your daughter, there is still time for her to do Christmas at hers if you do it quickly,
Ps I understand about ‘difficult’ grandchildren!

My parents always used to 'host' Christmas day in their little Council Flat, My brother and his wife, plus two children, me and hubbie. his sister and Mother. Mum did all the coooking, but my Dad would organise the rest of the adults (Mil excluded) for the washing up.

Then when I started having children, that January my Dad gave me the large dish in which they always cooked the turkey, telling me it was now too much for them and it would be better in my house.

From then onwards for many years I 'did' Christmas, until a few years back when my eldest daughter said I was looking 'grey' by the end of the day, and it was too much for me.
Now we do not ALL meet up on that day. Have found that two of my daughters and my son, prefer to have that day and meal in their own homes, quietly with their children. I go to another daughter, have nothing to do there, except to sit, eat and relax and 'stay out of the kitchen'.

In normal years we then use the period between 25th and 30th as a time to all visit each other, (five adult children and eight g.children), and my eldest daughter usually arranges a New Years Eve get-together. Obviously not happening this year.

Have found it much better to spread out these meet-ups.

I kept that large turkey dish until I moved last year........

We are a family of atheists, from a background of Jewry. We are happy to celebrate any occasion which involves seeing each other, giving pressies, and eating well. The smaller children are encouraged to believe in Father Christmas, we have Chanukah lights as well as tree lights. We respect the Winter Solstice in every form and way that it has been celebrated throughout time.

Can’t help thinking that this thread may appear in a newspaper ( not one of the better ones)? under the headline
‘Grans Hate Little Gits!’
Actually I find it quite shocking that any Gran can describe her DGC like this, if their behaviour is bad/ disruptive then it’s due to over liberal ( poor!) parenting, and when at your own house you need to enforce your own rules.It can be done in a fairly gentle way, no raised voices etc and when my own DGC wanted to look in cupboards and drawers ( which did surprise me) I told them that if they wanted to see something I had to be with them, then I opened drawers so that they could see.They soon got bored with looking at drawers of Grandma’s socks, scarves etc.The only drawer I allowed them to actually rummage through was the kitchen drawer which contains odd bits and bobs ( we all have one of those) and I told them they could clean it out and put it all on a tray, which they loved doing.Children are naturally inquisitive but need the adult to tell them what’s permissible and what’s not.
It surprised me as our own children when young, never attempted to do that in someone else's house.
Nobody need feel like a monster for correcting a child, it’s what adults are there for, but there is a way for a Gran to do this without making children tearful.

Whether or not this is a genuine thread, the question remains as to why doesn't the op say no to the Christmas arrangements when they don't suit?
I would suggest she probably gets little support from her family all year round.
Telling her to stand up to them is like asking a hoarder to just tidy up.
The op possibly has hoped in the past that her efforts would be appreciated eventually, as her adult children mature. But it hasn't happened yet.
She is brittle with people and everyone wonders why. This isn't the outcome her younger self would have expected.
Grannyscrooge if your story is genuine you are right to feel angry because at the moment you cannot see a way through. You don't need to put everyone else before your basic needs. You need to care of yourself a little more and hopefully the tetchiness might subside.

MawBe. Blue touch paper indeed! Has nobody noticed disappearance of OP ?

You need to explain to your Daughter that your health is making it more difficult to do everything at Christmas, could she possibly help you in the kitchen???
Time for you and her to chat and away from the 'little gits'
We slow down as we get older, maybe she mistakenly thinks that you love it? She needs to be told, its not really fir on her no to really is it?
Hope this helps.

@grannyscrooge - time for some tough talking. You need to grow a pair and tell your daughter and her family that you are not up to hosting Christmas this year because of your health. Nothing worse than someone being a martyr when the solution is in your own hands. Be firm and do not allow yourself to be pressurised into hosting what is the most stressful time of the year for families.

We never host any family at Christmas - zero interest in that kind of stress - fortunately the rest of our family feel the same way. I am not critisising you in any way - frankly I feel that most modern children are ill-behaved and I'm not keen on them even if they are (its why I haven't got any of the little beasts lol!). I struggle to understand why older parents seem to have trouble being honest with their children when it comes to Christmas responsibilites.

Bite the bullet and say a firm NO if they try emotional blackmail - you could even try that tactic yourself, make a big deal of how bad you are feeling about coping with Christmas. With covid running rampant at the moment its not a great idea for older relatives to be mixing with family members in any event. I wish you luck and hope you find the courage to tell your family the truth

Puzzled. Why do you do it? I’m guessing at some point over the summer you are overcome with warm fuzzy feelings and blithely agree to host Christmas.
Put a note in your 2021 diary for around July: “BOOK CHRISTMAS BOLTHOLE”

My thoughts are with you and your son grannyscrooge . It must be awful for your autistic son having to spend the day in his room because he can’t cope with the additional people in the house. Your health too is cause for concern so speak to your daughter and explain the situation and hopefully she will understand. As regards children’s behaviour today from what I see around me I can’t help but be shocked at how some children behave. Some really are allowed to do whatever they want without any boundaries at all. I try to avoid them wherever possible!!!

I'm not very good at detecting fake threads.

If this is a fake.

Lucca

I think grannyscrooge has disappeared.....

But lots of new posters have appeared.

Which will please GNHQ as they have been trying to encourage lurkers to join in.

By saying "in this house, the rules are..." you prevent it from becoming personal. When our children were young, and at home, we were often told "so and so's parents let her/him do that", so we evolved our own rules which applied to our children and others who came. It worked.

People put up with all kinds of awful situations for the sake of their family.
There are lots of threads about the problem of saying "No."

Lucca

I think grannyscrooge has disappeared.....

Having lit the blue touchpaper......?