I intensely dislike christmas.

Hi Grannyscrooge. Sorry you are feeling a bit down this year.
How about re-framing things? Plan a 'pleasurable revenge' for when they've gone back home. Spend the next day doing only what brings you joy. Get in special treats for yourself. A good book, nice magazines, favourite ready made meals and treats. Spend the day in bed if you want to. Watch TV , listen to music, just enjoy being quiet. Tell anyone who asks that you need to do this today to restore your energy. Be good to yourself. There should be enough leftovers and Christmas food for anyone else to sort themselves out for the day. If anyone asks why you are doing it just give them a big smile and say "Because I'm worth it". Very liberating. Enjoy.

Oh Grannyscrooge, I really feel for you! I'm not surprised you are dreading Christmas, though I wonder if there are other issues going on for you too as you sound really low. I too have a chronic pain condition as well as a couple of other things which sap my energy and goodwill and would really struggle to host. I'm lucky in that I adore my grandchildren and they are really well behaved even though they are so full of energy it takes me 2 days to recover from having them overnight!

I wonder if it would be possible for you to have a chat with your daughter now about how you are feeling and how your condition exhausts you? I would suggest the other adults really ought to be helping out. These days I go to one of my DD's and although they do most of the hard work, I help prep vegetables, set the table and usually bring something towards dinner. Perhaps your DD could do veg prep or help you in the kitchen, it could give you time to have a chat? You should also not have to clear up without help. It can be hard to admit that we need help; I really struggled to admit I was no longer superwoman.

A practical solution for the "little gits" (made me laugh out loud, I've called my kids worse when they were young; there were 4 altogether plus 2 cousins, all within 3 years in age, and they were like marauding hordes!) could be to put bolts on the doors of the rooms you don't want them to go in, also before they leave they could have a tidy up time with a small reward for the best tidying. Leaving out some age appropriate toys (charity shop or ebay etc) can give them something to focus on rather than house destruction.

I really hope you manage to work something out, failing that would your son go away to a cottage with you.

Grannyscrooge sorry your having a tough time I've just told my daughter that I'm not coming boxing day (I felt like the world's worst parent) she was upset but understood. As for next year if you can afford it why don't you all go out for Christmas lunch then back to HER house for the afternoon then a nice quiet evening at home.
And they can pay for themselves not you. ?

I thought I was the only one
It be over soon
I hate the fake ness of it and all those things you said
I do like the tree so I’m going to get a living one and plant it outside
I think every Boxing Day I’m NOT doing it again but here we are
Snow drops and daffs will be sprouting by January
Keep strong ,, just a day
You could tell them to do the cooking ect ect and retire to bed ,, maybe not but a fantasy to me
A cottage in the middle of nowhere sounds perfect ,, with a lovely open fire
??

I feel sad for you Granny Scrooge. I feel it is time for a full and Frank discussion with your daughter about the boys behaviour.
Calling your Grandson little gits does not bother me in the slightest, it sounds as though they are. I love my Grandsons dearly, but would not put up with bad behaviour in my home Christmas or anytime, how they behave in their own home is up to the parents.
My Grandson sometimes misbehaves in my house, as he is no Angel, but he is quickly told about it.
I love Christmas it's my favourite time of the year. I hope your heath improves and hope you have a happier new year.

With covid now the perfect opportunity to have the Christmas you want .
Why do you have to all sit down and have a meal together Xmas day, it’s time your daughter grew up a bit & took some responsibility
I used to see my mum , brothers & sister + families on Xmas eve. We all took food swopped presents & on occasion went to a christingle service. No pressure
Then on Xmas day celebrated in our own homes
This year is different , i won’t be eating with my daughter & grandkids , but we will meet for a socially distanced walk.
Christmas shouldn’t be a chore and if it is then it needs changing.
There are lots of companies that will deliver an Xmas meal to your house. Tell your daughter no, batten the hatches , get your dinner made and vegetate ..... sounds bliss x xx

I am sorry that you feel so awful. I think you are being very honest re ' gits' ....in using that word I think your physical pain and the stress of managing everything expresses itself. I know it doesn't mean you don't love your GC, but it is possible to not like their behaviour. (Child centredness often seems to mean that children are not taught boundaries and manners. )
I have no answers...I think your honesty in writing about your situation should be accepted. None of us know when circumstances might overwhelm us.
I hope that you will be able to find some peace and moments of deep contentment, if not happiness, this year.

I've only just happened on this thread and haven't read all of it. I just wanted to say that we announced that we wouldn't be cooking a Christmas dinner ever again. Never. DH has always cooked for Christmas, feeding whoever wants to come, and he really couldn't face it anymore. It was their turn. The children much prefer to stay in their own home with their new presents anyway. It works much better if they stay at home. Tell them Grannyscrooge. Its their turn. You've done you share, now its their turn.

This year we shall be going to DS's house for the day. We will pay for the goose. We will go over mid-morning and return in the evening when we want to, to a nice quiet, clean house. Lovely.

Jacquetta

Why on earth does everybody think that because they are your grandchildren you have to adore them!?,.
Sometimes they are not rosy cheeked little angels ,smiling softly ,cooing gently and sitting reading pretty picture books.
Sometimes Christmas is a freaking nightmare.
Sometimes smiling through Christmas is one of the hardest things you can do.
My respects to.you Grannyscrooge x

Well Said x

Nananananal.
Xmas whether you chose to celebrate or not is up to the individual.There are no hard and fast rules as far as I am concerned .

Why on earth does everybody think that because they are your grandchildren you have to adore them!?,.
Sometimes they are not rosy cheeked little angels ,smiling softly ,cooing gently and sitting reading pretty picture books.
Sometimes Christmas is a freaking nightmare.
Sometimes smiling through Christmas is one of the hardest things you can do.
My respects to.you Grannyscrooge x

Grannyscrooge

I feel your pain even though I have good health.

If people have not been in your shoes they do not understand and are too quick to judge your comments. I am sure you do not mean what you have said about your grandsons but I would find it wearing with poor health and grandchildren running awire and getting away with it! What makes it worse is having a son with Autism. My grandson is autistic(he can be a nightmare)

You must have a great relationship with your daughter because she loves Christmas day with you, because of that I would if I were you say to her 'do you mind if we give it a miss this year? as you health isn't getting any better(or words to that effect) You owe it to yourself and your son to have a peaceful Christmas. ((((((Hugs)))))

I have grown to dislike Christmas over a few years but this year my feeling is hate for the occasion. Think Covid has made me realise we do not need all the plastic trash on offer in the stores; the fancy highly priced fancy nibbles and foodstuffs; expensive presents. The only part of Christmas I enjoy is when children are young enough to be excited about a visit from Santa Claus. Not all children are spoiled present-wise but an awful lot are. Not their fault really,it's the responsible adults who are to blame. For me Christmas is just a maximisation of profits exercise for big companies and we the public soak it all up. A cottage in the wilds for me too but it would have to be from September when the Christmas season starts nowadays.

Sounds very difficult and at any time, Christmas or not, go for preprepared food, I started doing this when I realised no one was helping me at all, and I decided one year frozen roast spuds, sprouts everything, and no one noticed, if anyone had complained the answer would have been, OK no problem, you want fresh sprouts or whatever, that's your job to prepare them. I've never looked back. Also one year when the children were younger I ended up in a and e on Christmas eve, and couldn't do the things that I thought everyone would miss, but guess what they didn't so that was that
With regard to going through your things, I think unless you locknstuff away the only thing to do is set some boundaries beforehand. I always liked seeing all the different things at elderly friends and relatives houses, so it would be a shame if you had to completely hide everything away as well as a huge pain in the bum,, while it might be necessary as an emergency measure although you could hide the power cord , much better to tell mum and the children at a calm time when you're not frazzled that there are boundaries, if they want to learn how to use the sewing machine that's OK, you will show them one at a a time how to use it properly, no mucking around,, or how to use the tools. They are not toys, and visiting friends they would not be allowed to do that at a friend's house. A break sounds a good idea if you can manage it telling family that you are going to do it early in the year.

Since my mum died Christmas isn't the same anymore. My sis comes to mine for Xmas Day and I feel like she's doing it because she feels she has too. She's like you, a total hater of everything Xmas. I used to love it, but now because it's only the two of us its just a long, boring day. She sits parked in front of TV remote in hand, unless out for the dogs walks, til she's putting her coat in to leave. Gone is the fun, games and laughter. BORING!

Toadinthehole we non-Christians celebrate at this time of year as we have always done, long before the Christians came along and hi-jacked the festival. It is the Winter Solstice when we gather together to share what ever warmth and food we have to keep us all going through the winter. You do not 'own' Xmas, it is for everyone, please be a little more 'Christian'!

I am getting to feel that way I have my brother in hospital waiting to have an op. My dh goes in on the 17th Dec for a op.
My gd has left home and will be having Christmas with her partner. My dd doesn’t really like Christmas that much now.
Would love to just disappear to a cottage.

Future adults are raised by their families, and in some cases need rough edges smoothed away before school, uni, or the big wide world do it rather less pleasantly. Does nobody ever say “No” to these children? This “rummaging in drawers” needs to be stopped now, before they do it in a schoolfriend’s house, and are accused of stealing.

I am not inviting anyone to spend Christmas with me. I also have an adult son with ASD and we are quite happy to spend the day on our own. I haven’t seen my granddaughters since they went back to school and my (other) son knows I won’t see them until they have been off school at least a week. Can’t you tell them that you’re afraid of catching Covid? Or a week before tell them you have a temperature and been coughing and can’t smell anything ? I call my granddaughters little sods, gits, whatever they know I love them but they are hard work! Much harder work than my boys were. I don’t know how you cope with it all, and I really think you should tell your daughter you’re just not up to it anymore. If she loves you she will understand.

Oh and another thing about Xmas.....one year I couldn't be bothered with the whole 'big dinner' thing so we went for a walk then came home to beans on toast. Kids never noticed and were happy just to have us around and we have laughed about it ever since

Book the cottage. No-one wants to spend their precious Xmas with someone who resents being there. Your ill-will fills the air around you all, get away and breathe deeply!

I often wonder why the many people I know, who are not Christians, celebrate at all. Some say it’s about the family time. You can do that any day of the year. Is it the fact that the whole world, or much of it...is doing the same thing? I don’t think I’d like it either if we weren’t all Christians. Why not go to a little cottage? If you can at the moment!?. You don’t have to conform. You’re most likely passing your vibes onto others. Do something else. I won’t wish you a Happy Christmas!!?

Grannyscrooge

Do what you need to do to make yourself happy for a change. It's your happiness that counts.

I don't celebrate Xmas. My family and friends respect that. I give presents whenever, out of the blue, as a surprise. It shows that I still care and love but in my own way.

Warm hugs. May you smile and laugh again. Xx

There is still plenty of time to tell them that because of deteriorating health you cannot host them this Christmas.

If and when you invite them back into your home you need to set strict guidelines e.g. no children upstairs as they cause chaos.

Grandma’s house, grandma’s rules. Be strong.

Grannyscrooge I am with you in finding that g.children come between me and my own children having time together. That is why I have never felt that being a gmother was such a wonderful thing. Being a Mum WAS!!!!

However, do think that in your own home you lay down definite ground rules as to which rooms they can go into without supervision, and that all your cupboards and units and drawers are private and nobody may open them without being given express permission.
On of my g.daughters visiting me in the summer pulled a wardrobe door off its runners. I told her that when I next visited her home, I would go into her room and open up all the cupboards, etc in there. Eventually, she did rather reluctantly apologise.

Wish more people would stop seeing their g.children through rose coloured specs. Many of them, as you say are not the nicest of individuals, and too many are far too spoilt and made to think that the world revolves around them.

Loved Christmas when my children were small. Enjoyed every part of it and having my parents able to join us and also celebrating their wedding anniversary on 25th December. I do spend the day at one of my daughters house and I endure.......But, TBH am so pleased when 6th January arrives and all the tinsel and glitter, etc have disappeared for a further year