Christmas disaster

Blimey! That was a disaster!

It has reminded me of a friend's experience.
Lunchtime on Christmas day, friend looks out of window and is horrified to see DDog in the garden, merrily and enthusiastically tucking into a large, cooked turkey.
After a quick check, it transpires that it isn't their turkey...

Also a turkey one due to DH! We had a large houseful, around a dozen for Christmas, Boxing Day and beyond and had ordered a suitably large turkey. On Christmas Eve DH goes off to collect it. I am worried when I spot him coming out of the car merrily swinging a small box. He should have been staggering with the bird in his arms!

Investigation shows that he has brought back a 10 lb bird, not the 10 kg we had ordered. DH's response is that 'It's all right, we will just have a small slice each!' This bird has to feed twelve of us for three days!

I ring the farm, and they fortunately have another even larger bird left which we can have if we bring the tiddler back.

The atmosphere is not good between us, so SiL offers to return the bird. He steps out towards his car, swinging the box, and the base opens and small turkey descends gracefully out of the bottom onto the gravel path. At this point I am furious with the lot of them, having to spend some time removing the gravel and cleaning it before packing it and securing the box with packing tape.

DH decides he ought to step up, SiL now having starting imbibing Christmas spirit, and sets off for the farm,

At this point our Christmas is saved, the farmer says it must have been his error, gives us the extra large bird, and also a beautiful joint of roasting beef.

This is the difference between us. DH has been collecting birds for at least 40 years. He knows the size we have, yet didn't see anything wrong with the small box he was given!

One Christmas Eve I went to the local newsagent to pay my papers

Friendly with the couple who ran it. They asked me if I'd like to go into the back for a glass of gin and a mince pie. I thought it a lovely gesture so I agreed.

Five hours later, my husband is on the hunt for me. This was pre mobiles. My two youngest children were playing the game of Let's Look for Mummy

I was eventually found and led out of the shop or dragged even. I'd been having a wonderful time and didn't want to leave!

That Christmas Day was dreadful. I had the most horrendous hangover ever. We were hosting, but thankfully Mr Lucretzia does all the cooking so I just sat there. Trying to smile and look engaged. It wasn't easy. But I'm pleased to say the children have no recollection of this so it didn't ruin their Christmas.

I'd not drunk gin before that day I've never drunk gin since

Father in law had type 1 diabetes so when they visited for Christmas everything had to be timed around his insulin injection. He was not an easy man to accommodate at the best of times but with DMiL's help I normally had it off to a fine art.

One year though we had a power cut when the turkey was only half cooked. Panic! Disaster! You'd have thought the world was going to end.

DH swiftly jointed the turkey and lit the barbecue. We had portable gas rings because power cuts were a common occurrence so I knew the veg wouldn't be a problem and with everyone mucking in lunch was served bang on time.

Except.....The Christmas guest from hell had made himself a large plate of sandwiches which he devoured while we were all busy which meant he couldn't eat anything else for a few hours.

He sat and watched us making the best of a difficult day moaning that his Christmas was ruined! When the power finally came back on he expected DMiL to cook for him!

Fortunately, we all saw the funny side of it and for years afterwards DS would march into the kitchen about an hour before dinner was about to be served announcing he was going to make 'The Christmas Sandwiches'

merlotgran your FIL in law sounds like a very difficult and disagreeable man, your poor DMIL. In my family it is the other way around, my late DFIL, was the sweetest and most patient of men, and my MIL was the difficult one. In laws are sent to test us at holidays!

My mother was making Christmas dinner for us all plus grandmother and a great-uncle and decided to have it around teatime as "no-one would be wanting to eat at midday after wading through snacks all morning" so as well as all the turkey etc she prepared a whole lot of home-made and delicious finger food to be on tap from early morning until late afternoon. Great-uncle whinged all day asking where his dinner was, while eating his share and more of the bits and pieces, and for years afterwards he continued to complain every time we saw him that she owed him a meal as she had cheated him out of one - and on Christmas Day too. It is just possible he was joking, but unlikely - he didn't have much of a sense of humour.

Christmas dinner was usually at our house (my DM was no Delia - and that's being kind about her cooking skills!) and my parents would come for the day.

One Christmas, however, we were invited to theirs. The sprouts were bubbling away and the potatoes were ready to go in the oven, but there was no smell of a turkey cooking. Yep, DM had forgotten to light the oven!

Merlot we could have done with your FiL's sandwiches that day!

Thia one wasn't my disaster, but I remember a tale from the past. The maid was bringing in the turkey to the Christmas dining table, where the master of the house waited to carve it at the candle-lit table amid the gleaming silver, when she tripped on the rug and the turkey went flying. As she trembled with terror, the mistress said "Never mind, Mary. Take it back into the kitchen and bring in the other one ! " Understanding dawned, she smiled with relief, scraped up the turkey and trimmings and retreated to the kicthen, returning in a few minutes with the other one and a broad grin.

One of my neighbours who
I knew quite well, we had children the same age and we used to walk to school together to pick them up, had the MiL from hell.
The H was the only child, father died youngish , and she devoted her life to her dependence on him.
Holiday we’re only ever from Saturday afternoon to Saturday morning so he could take his mother shopping , every Saturday was devoted to her needs.
One year he went as usual on Christmas morning to fetch her to the their house for the day and found her dead in bed.
My neighbour never got over the thought that she had planned it that way.
I hasten to add it was completely natural, she was an old lady but R thought she had hung on deliberately.

Great thread........I look forward to reading some more disasters

One Christmas Day a friend drained the hot fat off the turkey into the sink. Outside it was icy cold and snowing, so the fat congealed and blocked the drainpipe. They had to call out an emergency plumber, at Christmas Day prices, to clear it.

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My mum was hosting Christmas dinner for all the family and part way through cooking the turkey, the oven door fell off while she was basting it! None of us were able to fix it back on so panic set in. Luckily our neighbours over the road were early risers and had already eaten their dinner so we took over their cooker and finished the preparations. There was a constant stream of people going across the road carrying dishes of food.

Mine wasn’t a culinary disaster - more a medical one. DS, who wasn’t quite 2, hadn’t been too well the previous day, just grumpy, a little hot and off his food. On Christmas morning he was quite lethargic, didn’t want to play with any of his new toys and cuddled his blanket. He perked up after he’d had medication to reduce his temperature so we set off for Nanna & Grandad’s. Things went rapidly downhill from that point, he just lay on their settee and then the projectile vomiting started and kept happening. We bundled everyone including our 2 dd into the car and headed for home. More projectile vomiting in the car as I held him on my knee. (This was pre car seat days). Got home, called emergency doc for our practice and following a visit I found myself and ds in the local paediatric isolation unit. Turned out he had a rotavirus and was on a drip for 48 hours. We spent 6 days together in isolation including his 2nd birthday. Not a Christmas I’ll forget!

Many years ago DH and I were hosting Christmas dinner for eight of our family. I had put the frozen turkey on top of the eye level grill the night before. Christmas morning I came downstairs and our very naughty cat had pulled the turkey onto the floor and eaten half of one of it’s legs.
I just washed it, cooked it and DH carved it in the kitchen before bringing it into the dining room.
No one was any the wiser and we all survived.
Bad puss! But she was gorgeous and quickly forgiven with her dinner of turkey giblets.

My son’s fridge freezer packed up one year....on Christmas Eve! They were hosting dinner the next day. Luckily, because of this, I hadn’t bought too much, and was able to take everything.

I’m enjoying this thread. Made me think of my friend’s disastrous Christmas Day as a newly wed nearly 50 yrs ago.

Her in laws sent them a turkey from their farm. She hadn’t realised her father in law had hidden a surprise in the cavity of the turkey. She put the turkey in the oven with a half bottle of whisky inside it.

2 hours later there was an almighty bang and the door blew off the oven!

One Christmas morning my husband was passing through the utility room on his way to take our dog for a walk. He over balanced, fell backwards through the door to the loo and cracked his head on the lavatory pan, resulting in a large gash. Much of the rest of the day was spent in A&E!! I've no memory of Christmas dinner that year!

Following on from elegran’s story of the unfortunate maid, my daughter suffered a similar incident. She was working as a waitress in the local hotel during her Christmas break from university and had a busy Christmas Day serving lunches. On her way to one table with a large bowl of trifle she slid on a piece of roast potato that someone had dropped. She managed to place the trifle on the table and stay upright but had plunged her hand in the bowl of trifle up to the wrist. Fortunately....ahem.....there was er.....‘the other’ bowl in the kitchen.......

Many Christmases ago we were looking after our neighbour's house for a few days while she spent Christmas with her sister. I started on the mammoth preparation for lunch but I grew concerned that the oven was playing up. I had a double oven at the time and the smaller one had given up the ghost. The potatoes were just as I had put them in. I rang my neighbour and asked if I could cook the roast potatoes in her oven. The lovely lady agreed and I must have given our other neighbours something to chat about watching me dashing back and forth with tea towel covered roasting tins.

Christmas Day was coming to an end....the phone rang and the lights went out at the same moment. A neighbour in farmer was ringing to say they had suspected foot and mouth on their farm, and a frog had become impacted in the pelton water wheel system that provided our electricity!

Slightly off subject, my OH works at Asda on counters, yesterday he had this conversation with a middle aged male customer

"What time does your your cooked chickens come out of the ovens on Christmas morning?"

OH reply "We do not open on Christmas Day".

Irate reply. "Well what the hell am I supposed to do for my Christmas dinner then?"

Great thread! In the 70s mum and dad were always invited to the neighbours for a Christmas drink on Christmas day. Mum usually declined as she was busy making dinner. However one year she agreed as she felt sorry for them. They had a son with a life limiting disease. Anyway one o'clock came and went, as did two. My brother and I weren't bothered as Christmas top of the pops were on but both grans were tutting like skippy, the Bush kangaroo. Half two in slides my absolutely sloshed parents. The christmas dinner was 'interesting'. Burnt bird, no vegetables and mash only. We laughed about it for years.

Halfway through cooking the Christmas dinner, the oven door actually fell off on my hand!