Ludicrous round robins. Who can be the braggiest.

@Antonia, that reminded me of ex neighbours of ours, whose daughter was - absolutely no question - going to Oxford. This was said even before she’d taken her A levels.
She went to Bristol in the end.

It may be a mitigating factor to add that they were German, and so perhaps didn’t understand that even if you thought your child was very bright, it wasn’t guaranteed.

???

I ain’t never sent one of these ‘ere red robins cos we ain’t never ad nuffin to brag about, but now we as won the lottery we got a great big ‘ouse.
It is what they call detached cos no-one else’s ‘ouse is joined to it on any side.
Shane has put the caravan outside cos he don’t like sleepin in the ‘ouse. The neighbours keep moanin and sayin it looks like a traveller camp but it ain’t, there’s only two vans Shane’s and Grandads.
Our Chardonnay has had new piercings which look lovely but unfortunately she got the belly button ring caught on the new slimline speakers, we didn’t half laugh when she sat there with ‘all I want for Christmas’ blastin out of her belly.
Our Wayne has got one of his girlfriends pregnant, we’ll be able to buy them all prams now, his uvver seven kids are all nearly a year old now and most of the muvvers are over sixteen so that’s alright.
Must go, the man from the council is outside with two coppers....,,.

Every year we receive a Christmas card from DH’s old colleague. A lovely man who DH liked very much. He always put in a lengthy round robin which, after a few years of ploughing through it, we put straight in the bin. I sent their card off last week and today have received a card from his ... Widow. He died earlier in in the year from covid.

Somehow we miss his round robin ?

Ofsted Report on the Oak family

This has been a satisfactory year with some good features.

The departure of a long standing feline member of the family in April, at the age of twenty plus, following a period of ill health, has left a vacancy which has not yet been filled.

One teenager achieved excellent results in his GCSEs, and was awarded four prizes by his school. Another has demonstrated admirable maturity in persisting with his part time telesales job for almost a year, only leaving when the unscrupulous employer started finding spurious reasons for not paying him. The drop in income has seriously curtailed his social life and development.

Attendance at sixth form college is good, but one teenager’s punctuality is poor as a result of weak time management: a failure to recognise that finding clothes, applying hair straighteners, cleaning teeth, sorting out bag, locating bus-pass etc take more than the 20 minutes allowed. Leadership strategies to improve this have so far failed to have a significant impact. While support in the form of lifts is regularly offered, leaders have declined to offer additional support, such as ironing T shirts, on the grounds that it is unnecessary and that independence should be promoted.

Healthy lifestyles remain a strength, particularly in terms of exercise. Leaders acted as good role models in doing country walks at weekends. One teenager takes a substantial amount of vigorous exercise in the form of BMX biking. The other walks and cycles to friends’ homes regularly. Healthy eating is less consistent, especially in terms of breakfast, but the consumption of several litres of fruit smoothies each week compensates for the lack of fruit and vegetables in the diet.

The teaching of financial management is inadequate. While one teenager manages his modest monthly allowance carefully, the other is in a state of semi-permanent insolvency. Strategies to support him, for example by reducing the amount but increasing the frequency of payments, have not yet proved entirely successful. Evidence from observation of teenagers’ bedrooms suggests that the teaching of organisational skills is also weak.

Participation in household chores is poor. However, the introduction of a new rewards strategy is beginning to have an impact. The insolvent teenager was recently observed undertaking such activities as cleaning windows. He applies himself diligently and conscientiously to such tasks, and as a result achieves well.

Enrichment in the form of biking holidays continues to be a strength, with trips to the French Alps and Scotland. Leaders set a bad example in France by almost getting stranded on top of a mountain in a hailstorm without suitable clothing. The teenagers, including a friend, chose to pursue their own interests developing their downhilling skills, appearing only when hungry or exhausted or both. Leaders responded promptly to the day one disaster of a broken bike, renting one at great expense. One leader applied the principle of learning through experience rather too literally in Scotland. Riding an unfamiliar rented bike down a steep forest singletrack she applied the front brake sharply….with inevitable consequences. Despite the lack of a risk assessment, the thick padding of several fleeces and cushion of pine needles on the ground prevented serious injury and she was only bruised and winded.

One teenager managed to squeeze in a few days in Portugal with a friend, having borrowed a capacious holdall which enabled him to take his BMX. A college trip to Florence also enhanced his education, but an opportunity for cultural development was missed as leaders failed to persuade him to visit the Uffizi. The other teenager is about to start voluntary work in the local hospice. He is busy getting involved in college activities such as Duke of Edinburgh’s award and medical club, and is planning to form a band with friends.

The leaders spent a weekend in London in October, seeing a brilliant performance of Henry IV part 1 at the Globe (a very belated 60th birthday present for the deputy leader), and visiting the Gaugin exhibition at Tate Modern. A minor version of the aftermath of a ‘Facebook party’ awaited their return, with neighbours upset by noise and misdemeanours. Behaviour is therefore no better than satisfactory. Optional enrichment activities with enthusiastic participation include Facebook, watching the Inbetweeners (one teen bears a striking resemblance to Will), and watching unsuitable comedians on i-player etc, usually at times when either studying or sleep would improve their performance.

While bedrooms have been equipped with wireless enabled PCs, leaders have been slow to respond to other advances in technology. Teenagers have only very recently been provided with improved mobile phone technology, but are deprived of the opportunity to make full use of its capabilities by restrictions on its use to calls and texts. Further evidence of weaknesses was revealed when one teenager remarked: ”We are the only family we know still watching a cathode ray tube!” Leaders assure us that this will be rectified shortly.

Value for money is satisfactory. Frequent and repeated calls to mobiles from BT landline in the evening (and very early morning) to locate absent teenagers (who do not answer/switch off phones/have no credit) have taken their toll on household finances.

Despite the significant weaknesses in leadership and management, independence is promoted effectively. Both teenagers display excellent cooking skills. One has demonstrated high level skills in bike building and repairs. He is also developing a sound understanding of the railway network. Aspirations continue to be high and a notable success is that neither has expressed any desire to go on the X factor. These developments, together with the teenagers’ own initiative, assertiveness and drive, show that capacity to improve is satisfactory.

I still have the Simon Hoggart books. They are brilliant. We don't get many Round Robin letters now but they could all have found their own places in the books. Why did everyone else have such wonderfully brilliant (annoying) offspring? Then there were the terrible illnesses in gory detail. By far the most bizarre we received was the one "written" by the family dog....

LauraNorder Thanks very much for this thread, it has certainly brightened up a dark, miserable, December day (unless of course you are on a beach in the Bahamas)

Too funny it’s like hearing some of the people talk on a Cruise

Dearest Persephone

After a six-month visit to Australia, DH and I set up a surveillance business, which has been incredibly successful, with an office in Mayfair. We have 25 operatives, and have been retained by several Gulf states, but the best thing is: I've had your entire family under 24-hour intensive surveillance from the very start, just for the pleasure of establishing that your Christmas newsletters are full of complete and utter rubbish.

Don't bother trying to find the cameras and microphones; if Mossad can't do it, I don't suppose you can. Above all, Happy Christmas

Fellow Gransnetters, you are all brilliant,I cant compete, so will just enjoy your thread today

My DGD managed to catch her own nits this year! So proud.

We have also installed an indoor water feature in the drawing room, so clever - water supplied by natural storms through an unexpected hole in the roof, a tiny bit unpredictable, but adds to the fun!

Well it’s been a quiet and fairly restful year for us.
The planned house extension to accommodate the increase in live in staff we employ turned into almost a demolition and massive rebuild.
There fore we moved lock,stock and barrel into Claridges.
They have looked after us all fabulously but of course all the entertaining we normally undertake had to be cancelled.
The village entertainment committee had a really difficult job to relocate the village summer fair and the horse show had to be cancelled as no other venue was large enough.

Of course it wasn’t convenient to have the children here with us at the hotel so they had to stay over at their respective boarding schools during the holidays.
We FaceTimed them of course and I have to say our own holidays were so much more relaxed without having to take the nannies with us.

They both continue to do brilliantly at school, living up to our expectations of them. We have always made it clear, following on from us that nothing but excellence is acceptable.
Far better to set the bar high from the start.

G may possibly retire from his CEO position during next year ,always assuming that they can find someone to take his place, very very big shoes to fill as we all know.

For myself I have given up all my chairs of the organisations lucky enough to have had me.
Hotel living doesn’t lend itself to all the catered functions I threw, I will be very sadly missed I know.

Best wishes to you all from our family to yours.
I doubt we will see you soon as our whole attention will be taken up with furnishing the huge house once again, it has to be the finest money can buy as per usual.

Giles and Persephone.

.Just as well there’s no prize, it would be impossible to choose the funniest. I have read them all out loud to OrlinNorder and he has roared with laughter and called us all totally bonkers. I think that’s a compliment.

I liked Witzend’s offering. ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Am sitting here chortling with tears running down my face at some of these, especially Dolphindaisy and Green Grange 78. Thanks for bringing laughter to a dull day.

Its been a tricky year for the Fforri-Smyths, Sadly my eldest daughter’s wedding to the crown Prince did not go off as well as we had hoped! the gardeners managed to chop the heads off the topiary swans in our rose garden where we were holding the reception, quelle disaster? The celebrant turned up sadly inebriated, and the youngest of the twelve bridesmaids was sick on the antique lace train on my daughter’s wedding dress. However we have managed a decent listing in who's who (finally) and my daughter was happy with the spread that Horse and Hound did on her.
My second daughter has recently been awarded the fellowship of an Oxford college; we are naturally thrilled, but hope that she continues to find time to work on her second book which you may spot in the history section of Waterstones. If you chance to be in town do have a look.
My darling husband was pipped at the post for leadership of the party again this year??‍♀️ but took conciliation in the OBE which he was awarded in the new years honours list, not the knighthood we were hoping for but never mind??‍♀️
We have sadly had less holidays this year due to pressure of work at my chambers, but managed a month in Hawaii and 2 weeks skiing in January as consolation.
Our lovely villa in Tuscany has been hit by freak winds and we lost the roof of the pool house! Unfortunately our maid was away at time so we were only alerted to it when a neighbour rang to say our pool chairs were in his olive grove! I cant tell you how upset we were as his groves dont even produce the best quality oil!
Hope that all is well and little Johnnie’s ASBO wasn't too onerous after all. Did Jane get the suspended sentence she was hoping for?
Seasons greetings the Fforri-Smyth family

Lovebeigecardigan, how lucky you are to have seen his topiary in person.

All you lovely, funny people, thanks and please keep them coming.

Nanananana1

"Laughter is the best medicine" and we certainly got that today! What a very talented lot you are.

The trouble is, we used to get very similar letters each year from a friend who was clearly the inspiration for Hyacinth Bucket and who did her best to impress everyone with what she saw as her superior status. We always enjoyed reading them but not for the reason she would have wished!

Someone mentioned Simon Hoggart. I have two of his books about Round Robins, titles "The cat that could open the fridge"and "The hamster that loved Puccini" long out of print but you might find them in a charity shop so worth looking.

Serious observation - I really don’t mind being told about children’s achievements, and if they have Grade 8 piano and at least ten A*s so much the better! I expect to be told.

As you know I live in the most beautiful house in the village - Grade II listed, don't forget. So very tasteful. The garden was designed by a chap on the telly, forget his name, you should see his topiary.

I host such lovely parties so I simply must have three Christmas trees - one by the front door, one in the large hallway and the biggest and best in the sitting room.

One of the rooms is given over to a library where I display my extensive knowledge - so well read, hadn't you noticed? Young Tarquin passed his final exams with flying colours and has taken up a fab job offer in New York - but I mustn't boast or you'll think me vulgar.

Meanwhile Jemima is a 'big cheese' in diplomacy on the continent. She has her own team as she speaks several languages fluently. So good of her to pass on last seasons designer gear to me so I'm the best dressed gardener on the allotment. But little me - a show-off? Perish the thought.

You're most welcome to stay in my little pile sometime when you're in the country. The guest cabin in the woods is very secluded if you want to get away from it all and so comfy. Well, toodle pip, chums.

I have just been accepted as a passenger on the first Space X mission........I have donated my body to cryogenics ..........but before that, I climbed Everest in my bathing cozzy .....fought with a polar bear in Antarctica and had to drive my own boat back to Ushaia .........and I survived on a piece of bread and water from the ocean ....even managed to catch a whale but had to throw it back as I couldn't eat the poor thing .....other than that, its been quite a quiet year .........might run for US president when Biden goes ...still working on my manifesto ....have a good new year everybody

We got this one year from 'friends.' X is trying to decide whether Oxford or Cambridge will be better for her. The following year's round robin said that X has chosen to go to Exeter!

Due to lockdown this year we have struggled to keep appointments in our diaries but having the little plane parked up at the airport has been a boon for getting into town for the usual round of lunches and shopping. The little chopper is only used for short dashes to friends pool & barbecue parties and a sneaky dinner for fellow Etonians at a rather lovely Country House (often used by the royals as a getaway, ssssh!). DH is getting so bored with not being able to play golf on our course is Scotland but makes do with the clay pigeon range at the bottom of the meadow. Needless to say half the staff have buggered off back to their precious families and we are left abandoned to care for our own (adult) children, tend to our dishevelled estate and clean our own pool. Luckily the indoor one is still usable although the sauna packed up and it took massive bribes from DH to get an errant plumber flown in from Europe to get it fixed. Our son's Nanny has stayed with him thank god otherwise I don't know how they would have coped with the child. I have some solace in knowing that they are only at the bottom of the meadow in the Lodge and I could see them if I looked out of the West window, but I don't get up there that often as the lift is broken and all those stairs! What a nightmare! The wine is still flowing (or rather flying in from Gers) so all hope is not lost! Hopefully soon my dear friends we shall all be back together again at Finty's little villa in Cannes very soon. THIS IS ALL TRUE although put together from assorted acquaintances' emails and missives during lockdown. I KID YOU NOT! It's not that I move in elevated circles but have some well connected friends, ha ha!