Ludicrous round robins. Who can be the braggiest.

OH was so thrilled to win sexiest older man of the year (for North Yorkshire) again! My darling daughter is about to launch her third vegan restaurant cum cookery school and my son goes from strength to strength in the fascinating world of MI5 (ssshhhh).
Thank goodness we’ve managed to get the two youngest grandchildren into the same house at their boarding school - it’s the one all the best people attended to be honest! Such a relief they don’t have to suffer that ghastly comprehensive just down the road. I mean really some of the pupils there don’t even wear a blazer!
Well now in strictest confidence....DGS1 ....it has been whispered that he’s in line for a Nobel prize for science !!!
Anyway that all our news ! Have a lovely Christmas - we are off to St Moritz, do hope we shan’t have to do any silly mask wearing there

Laura best laugh I have had today. My news can beat that though. The Queen has invited me for Christmas Lunch and my DS ,who is an astronaut will be rocketing off to the moon tomorrow. My baby GS has just read War and Peace at age 1 year and GD has got into Cambridge aged 3.

Well, here goes

OH has been carrying on with ‘er next door, so I’ve slung ‘im out!

DS can’t find his Lottery Ticket with last week’s winning Jackpot Numbers - we think the dog’s chewed it!

DD entered her works Beauty Pageant for Xmas Eve and has got the mumps.

GC1 was down for the solo in the Xmas concert and has laryngitis, GC2 was to be the Donkey back end in Nativity play but has diarrhoea and GC3 was picked to be baby Jesus and has Whooping Cough.

The dog is doing well......merry Christmas

Hahahahahaha, that'll be right Pantglas. It rings a bell.

Honestly, I couldn't brag if my life depended on it.

Even pretending. It doesn't come natural somehow.

We received such letters from a family we knew at one time, jest not Laura they were practically as bad as your spoof outline. They got worse year on year, the list of children's achievements got longer, they were self sufficient from what they grew in their garden where the matriarch of the family as well as working spent spare hours toiling. The children as well as achieving academically were all musically gifted and enthusiastically embraced going round museums and art galleries on summer holidays, this was during their teenage years No mono syllabic grunts from these wonder kids, something we as parents expected from our own progeny, shuffling along and moaning and groaning if there wasn't a ride to be had. In fact if we did visit anywhere cultural ours went into serious bargaining negotiations along the lines of "I'll shut up about how boring this is if you buy me something I want" When one of my children was at his absolute worst, teenager from hell and beyond, we would get comments in their letters along the lines of "our children continue to make us very proud parents" the sick bag really needed to be adjacent whilst reading such drivel boastful snippets. Some years later we did find out at least one of the children, had a bit of a secret life, suffice to say it didn't fit in with the rosy picture they painted. These letters got so annoying at one stage, I have to confess I took to reading them out to Christmas/New Year guests, said guests having practically fallen off chairs in hysterics, once they'd picked themselves off the floor, thereafter clamoured to hear the "Round Robin" during their visits.

Then one year, we got a snippy note in card from the proud patriarch along the lines of "I gather from some (not us) that Round Robins aren't really appreciated. Someone obviously upset him

Terribull. Snap. We call them “a boast through the post”.

DH has not sent any Christmas cards again this year and donated £12500 to homeless children charity.

DS has bought new house without a mortgage for £2 million and it has a five car garage for all his wife’s cars

DD has adopted sixteen rescue dogs and has given up work to care for them as husband has been promoted to CEO Bank of Zambia

GC1 is current ski champion of the world for his age (9) and will represent England at next Olympics.

Me. I have just finished my 927th crochet blanket for charity and been awarded first prize at County Show for my Victoria Sponge and homemade marmalade.

Personally I’ve had a quiet year, all I’ve been able to accomplish is renovating three of our 6 homes and used some marvellous wallpaper made of unicorn essence! DH has continued his work on clean energy and we should have completed saving the world from greenhouse gases by the end of February.
DD is in the running for supreme emperor of the world (as per the Illuminati and new world order rules, it’s her turn) - so world peace is a given obvs...
DS is a bit of a black sheep, so we won’t discuss how he circumnavigated the world in his tin can yacht in less than 30 days - I don’t know what that boy is thinking!
The dog has recently gained a bit of fame and has signed with Simon Cowell to release an album of 20’s jazz interpretative yodel barking.
Not our best year, but one does what one can....
???

Does anyone remember the round robins that Simon Hoggart used to post in the Guardian every Christmas. There's a link here to one batch

www.theguardian.com/theguardian/2011/jan/14/simon-hoggarts-week-christmas-letters

Ah Dinahmo I used to love reading Simon Hoggart in the Graun. Just looked up his name. He died January 2014 at the age of 67y.

I had a card from my cousins wife, writing in detail every ailment they have had and the pills that may or may not have cured them/ made them worse since last December.
Not the kind of card that you can pen a chirpy reply to really.

Sorry posted on wrong thread!!

I can't find anything to brag about. This year has been awful.
DH pranged the Porsche and it was out of action for weeks. I had to get our driver to take me shopping in the Rolls. It was very inconvenient. It's far too big for most car park spaces.
With this virus thing, we've been unable to visit either of the villas. I'm beginning to forget what The Seychelles and Barbados look like.
Fortnums ran out of our usual brand of caviar. The sent a substitute. Can you imagine?
All most annoying and inconvenient.
I'm sorry this is so brief this year. I know how much you all enjoy my Christmas round robins. Still I'll hopefully have more to report next year. You'll just have to wait I'm afraid.

Lucca if Sean Bean is from North Yorkshire and your OH is sexier, I have OH envy.
AGA only lunch with Liz, we spent the whole weekend at Balmoral last year.
Pant your daughter may do better in the beauty pageant with her swollen glands, I have often thought she was rather gaunt.
Come on EV, you’re on the Wirral, that’s usually good enough reason to brag. I only get away with saying that as I’m part scouse.
Terribull your children sound as though they should be sent to Brussels where there is a shortage of good negotiators.
Laughterlines your son needs rescuing from a wife who has five cars and he only gets to build the garages.
Lolo oh dear, touch of envy here for wallpaper made with essence of unicorn. How delightful.
Situpstraight not necessarily on the wrong thread, many real robiners brag about the biggest operation scar or the worst pain or a more severe twitch than anyone else.
Kate1949 the wrong caviar, oh dahling I feel your pain.

...................I know my place

Another year has come and gone, dear friends. Where has the time gone to? I suppose working with the rich and famous has its drawbacks, as my housekeeper often tells me! Dh has semi retired from his global law practise. He handed most of it over to Amal when we hosted her, George and the twins, Alexander and Ella at our new lakeside villa near Como. How we laughed. Dd1 has been acting this year. She was spotted by Spielberg as she was modelling in LA. As most of you know, I wanted her to take up her place at Oxford but I suppose an acting career will do just now. Ds is studying hard just now as he's been asked by a certain Royal Family member to be his Head Gardener. You will recall his passionate interest in all things green since before he could walk. I will sign off now, as I'm going for a jaunt in the plane. Finally got my pilot's licence! Harrison and I share stories, although he's not as keen since he crashed. Have a lovely Christmas. Harrods are sending you all a little gold leafed something from me. ?

Gold leafed Knick knacks from Harrods? So last year sweetie, don’t you think ?

Olivia has had another neck tattoo and has now had her labia pierced 6 times.
She is busy attending any protest she can and has been arrested 7 times this year, she thinks she may do another degree, this time in journalism and write about her experience as a freethinking trust fund kid.

Felix has now become “ fregan “ he felt veganism wasn’t a strong enough statement.
He is living in a squat in Kensington with some like minded ex school chums.
The squat belongs to Tarquin’s parents.
They are trying to make the squat eco friendly and carbon neutral, even the hot tub!
They are unable to spend the winter solstice in Verbiers so are putting yurts up in Sebastians grandparents garden in Richmond.
They are thinking of setting up a sourdough and Brie kitchen to support and feed restaurant deprived West Londoners over the festive season.
He’s always been such a caring boy.

He feels after another gap year he may be ready to enter the world of work.
So he is exploring the idea of touring islands in the Indian Ocean and blogging about the experience.

I cannot believe he will be 37 next year.

Sorry, I’d love to do this but I have to dash. I have a meeting with the WHO to co-ordinate the ‘Vaccine For Grans’ project.

What a whirlwind year it has been! Where to start?
DH has taken early retirement from Goldman Sachs and is presently in India running a sanctuary for homeless goats on a purely voluntary basis, in fact we are giving every family on our Christmas Card list a goat this year....expect a delivery on your doorstep any day now, and no need to thank us!
DD1 was awarded the Booker Prize and the runner up prize too for her first novel in Summer and since then has had a further six books published , and the latest one is at the top of The Times best books of the year.DD2 married a Russian Prince in September ( he’s such a dear, and very dashing!) he traces his family to the Romanovs.They are living in the Winter Palace now in St Petersburg and we have been invited over for a very grand Christmas.
DS as you know, became PM last year and will be too busy with affairs of state ( what with Covid and Brexit) to relax with us in the Winter Palace, but we have posted him and dear Carrie a goat anyway, Number Ten has a lovely back garden for it.
I have been busy too, and have knitted 5,000 masks for our local hospital, not to mention getting a gold ( a gold!) for my winning design at Chelsea ( and two air kisses from Monty Don.)
What will 2021 bring I wonder, can life really get any better?
Happy Christmas xxx

The above is the one I would love to receive!!

Me too, can we wangle a vaccine jab Blossoming ?