A plea for tact....

It's been interesting, for me, to see this resurrected thread - and my thoughts from last year.

I actually enjoyed my first Christmas alone. There are many compensations, after all.

I didn't miss all the frantic cooking and organising, the noise and disruption. I could eat what I liked, when I liked. I could choose to watch my favourite films, uninterrupted, cuddled up with the dog and cat.

I took a leisurely stroll around the neighbourhood, saw family on Zoom, lazed in a hot bubble bath - and ate all the chocolates. Quite a treat of a day!

I got quite excited when I saw a certain poster too, such a shame that yet another old thread has been resurrected.
Please start new threads!
Although I found an old thread recently that had such a lot of good Health info on it that I thought it was well worth adding to this year.

Same here Kim19 so many old threads popping up now.

Yes, I'm starting to automatically check the original date of posting nowadays. So many contributors' circumstances may have changed dramatically that it 's better to be careful than to plunge right in as we sometimes do.

I only just realised it’s an old thread! I thought something had happened overnight to put Christmas at risk again!

I think HQ revive some of these old threads to get a bit of
conversation going. The site is very slow lately.

Me too, got my hopes up for a minute

Urmstongran

I started to read this then realised it was a resurrected thread from December 2020! I thought ‘ooh there’s .... posting again!’. Wrong sadly.

I did the same thing Urmstongran!

I started to read this then realised it was a resurrected thread from December 2020! I thought ‘ooh there’s .... posting again!’. Wrong sadly.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I don't think there is an underlying assumption about that on here Thistlelass. Some of the Grans just do have husbands so are inevitably mentioned from time to time.

I quite enjoyed the festivities. I have no special person and that is the way it has been since I left my marriage in 1995. No serious relationship in that time. Most sincerely I extend my sympathies to those who find themselves spending the holiday alone where once it was shared. That said it does kind of get to me that there tends to be an assumption on here that one has a DH or has become bereft of one in whatever circumstances. I wish Gransnet was not like that but it is! I'm a gran too, of 5 children. But anyway I still get something from the Forum and I wish you all all the best for the incoming year.

I’m sorry, I seem to have unintentionally upset people, and I really didn’t mean to.

Yes, I did read the thread, and fully understood it was about being alone at Christmas, but the OP did say Enjoy having your partners with you at Christmas, and bite the bullet on not being able to be with all the family.

That was what I was getting at, but obviously came across as insensitive, for which I apologise.

I’ve never liked Christmas as both my parents died around then, so as soon as dependant auntie went to her ‘eternal reward’, we were off to the sun!
Sadly that’s not happening, and my plan was to meet my friend in Tenerife whose husband died a couple of weeks after the Bodach, so I’ll probably be about, as I’m going to son 2’s for dinner, but won’t be lingering there.

Christmas is an added sadness to a rawness you feel when you have been recently bereaved. All I can say Luckygirl is that you won't always feel this way. It is hard hearing about others spending time with their DHs but as time goes on it gets easier.

I used to love Xmas, but not anymore. Reason? It was at a Christmas party that I discovered/suspected that my husband was having an affair. Not long after that, he left me for her. They are now married. I should be over it, and I have, really. But, Xmas brings back all the hurt I felt at that time.
Never mind......water under the bridge. Have a lovely Christmas everyone ???❤️

Calendargirl

Luckygirl a timely and helpful reminder.

I know there are a number of GNs feeling very sad at facing their first Christmas alone, for many reasons. Others are coping with very ill partners and/or significant health issues.

I wholeheartedly agree that tact and kindness should be exercised across many of the threads and not just at Christmas.

I hope Christmas passes as pleasantly as possible for you.

Calendargirl have you read the thread?

To be honest, I am quite looking forward to the day with just my DH and me. We usually spend it with DS and family which is lovely, but the thought of just a simple day on our own is not unpleasant.

AmberSpyglass I didn’t realise that I felt resentful. Maybe I feel as though I’m pushing against something bigger than me.
I don’t know.
It’s all part of being human, that’s true.
DH used to annoy me by always wanting a wee just as I put his meal on the table. Never will that be remembered fondly. It’s not worthy of a thread or a conversation starter either.

My mother was a dancer and anorexic. Her constant remarks about my weight are one of the things I don’t miss.
Your username is the best !

It really feels like a zoom session is a good idea. Is anyone willing/able to set one up? I'm not in the same position as you sad ladies but know how important our wee GN zoom session each week has become.

All these assumptions don't help, that's true. The first Christmas without my husband (1996) was pretty grim - for me, the children - and the friend that invited us.

This will be the first one without my long term partner, who died in March. No funeral, no company - grief in isolation for months. It's tough.

Still, I'm doing the only responsible thing and spending Christmas alone. The trick is to largely ignore it and have a quiet, restful day. It is only a day or two, after all.

Don't assume that we need sympathy, company or cheering up - please!

QuaintIrene You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel resentful. And the petty things can become things you look back on with such fondness - I’d give anything to have my mother tell me I could do with losing a bit of weight!

Love the username btw

It’s tough and yes, hurtful when people talk about things. Because people do talk and it’s not meant to cause hurt. Especially husbands. And the petty grievances...meh
I would give 10 years for one more day with him.
But life does go on. The world turns, even though I thought it would stop by sheer will from my grief.
I got a card today from a couple who came to our wedding. Both names. I cried.
But.. it was a card, I was remembered and there is nothing more to do than choke tears and get on.
It’s hard to understand if you haven’t been there
Luckygirl ? I will be here as well x